HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

Could this be a mistake? The tone is so suddenly different I wonder if it was intended for someone else. I’d reply ‘WHAT? How dare you send me these messages? ‘ and see how he replies. Block and return key unless he’s extremely apologetic.

I'd be 99.9 per cent confident that was for his partner - it only makes sense in that context - but it would still creep me out.

Can’t believe how many naive women there are out there.

“he sent it in error” “it sounds like a bot” “someone must have hold of his phone”

PLEASE get real! This is obviously a pervy inappropriate seedy old guy trying his luck!

They are out there. They walk amongst us.

My own GP was cautioned for using the surgery computers to watch porn between seeing patients. (Was reported in the news. Not a rumour). Just because someone is a doctor or health professional doesn’t make them squeaky clean!

He hasn’t replied because he’s waiting to see what you say. If you’re disgusted he can pretend to be embarrassed and say it was meant for someone else. But the deluded old perve is holding out to see if you reply with interest. I wouldn’t want to be in the house with him and I’d reply saying I wouldn’t be there tomorrow or ever.

Agree

I'd like to think it was a mistake, and it's perfectly possible to send something to the wrong person and not realise for a long time. My problem would be that if you ask him about it, it's too easy to deny, even if he really is just a pervert who was trying his luck. It's a question of how well you know him or trust him, and as you don't know him that well, there's no way of knowing. You can only go with your gut feeling, and if you'd be uncomfortable around him (possibly because there's no way of knowing if he's lying about the message), you may be better off finding someone else to clean for instead.

I bet that the GP’s behaviour was checked to be the truth before it went public?

Quite. @ButterCrackers

Your username is very apt.

Of course nobody got hold of his phone. Some men believe women are there to service them.

OP, if you challenge him he'll say it was meant for his partner. He knows damn well it wasn't. I don't think you should give him the opportunity to explain. Call his partner and tell her - she deserves to know what he's like. Don't go back to him.

Having now read the full thread, I think / agree with some others, something doesn’t quite add up here.

I have sent texts to the wrong person before, sometimes I only realised it after they replied back.

He might have not realised it or realised and totally mortified. I feel if he was a perv he would have hung around and watched you clean and been more flirty in the prior texts and wouldn't be mentioning that another guy was nice if he had designs on you. He might feel too awkward to continue having you as a cleaner, but feels it's mean of him to sack you for his own mistake and awkwardness and decided to wait for your reaction.

Nevertheless, you should do what you feel comfortable with if that is dropping the job so be it.

Maybe he is a nasty old perv.

Or maybe that message was sent from someone else and he hasn't looked at his phone since so hasn't spotted his error.

For some people, they are looking at their phones the whole time, and would see it instantly. For others, they send a message and put it down and don't look again for hours (I fall into this category).

I would think IF he were testing the waters he'd be waiting for a response and ready to brush it off as a mistake or 'just joking' if he got a negative reply or no reply at all.

As others have said, its a totally different message style and perfectly possible as he does have a partner who does not live with him, that this was indeed meant for them.

Twice I have recieved filthy messages meant for someone else (one was an email from a woman to her partner, whose name starts with the same two letters mine does!) - on both occasions, the sender didn't realise until hours later.

Where's a will(y) there's a way 😂

It's no wonder that men repeatedly get away with this behaviour when women rock up making excuses for them.

Such a low bar.

I think you're over-reacting.

The message is inappropriate but I'm quite sure you weren't the intended recipient! The message is nothing to do with the one just before it. He was probably on WhatsApp, replied to your message then replied to his partner but accidently sent it to you.

As you haven't replied he might not have even realised he sent it.

I'd just reply with "???????. I assume this wasn't meant for me?????".

The guy will probably be mortified.

It's done something similar before but nothing that dodgy! I would have just laughed!

I would take it that he’s testing you, if you ignore message, he might take that to mean you might be up for more inappropriate behaviour. I’d post key back and send a pic of messages to his partner. I don’t get why women are so eager to excuse men acting sleazy, it’s all well and good thinking up excuses on his behalf but he might be a sex pest and you’d be leaving yourself wide open to abuse.

Following to see if he replies to say sorry!

I feel really invested, and I really want to know the outcome of this now, lol. OP, please put us all out of our misery! 😆

Text to both his number and his OH. I received this disgusting, lewd message from your phone (name of client). I am disgusted and terminating our agreement with immediate effect. I have also reported you to the police for sexual harassment at work - I neither wanted or expected a message of this nature. Then do make sure you report it. Men do this to get a reaction - make sure yours is clear.

Haven't everyone sent a message to a wrong person before? I know I have (not a dirty message though!).
My colleague from previous job sent a text to me that was clearly intended to his wife 🤐

OMG @PlutoCat what a creep to have done that.

I have cleaned twice and he is quirky in personality in my opinion but I just thought because he doesnt know me. I wondering if I am painting a picture because his number is in my phone as Cleaning client XYZ. He only texts. His number shows in whatsapp with his (male) topless selfie and I wonder if this is me adding 2 + 2 together and getting 5 or if this is the "real" him starting to evolve.

Jeesh 😫

If it was a mistake he would've realised an either deleted it or apologised by now.

I can't believe how many people are bending over backwards to excuse this shit?

If the booking was made through his partner, that's who you go to. Let her know you have had an inappropriate text and you don't feel you can return to the house and if he denies it then send her the screenshot.

This is sexual harassment, OP.

Don't let anyone convince you you're wrong to confront it.

If you go back there without saying anything he will take that as a sign that you are ok with his advances.

I'm sure if you advertise you'll be able to picj up another cleaning job.x.

"No problem" is a lie because his text is totally inappropriate. It is a big problem (as is his lack of follow up apologising or explaining a "mistake'.

You're insisting that he apolgises and explains. You won't contact him first. I'm with PPs, he doesn't know he's sent it to you. He sent you the ones about ironing and then forgot to do the next bits - pressing send and opening the messages to the person it was intended for.

Unless you're prepared to drop your stance of not messaging him, you'll never know. He might not either. (Maybe he's doing that occasional MN thing of thinking his partner is about to end things because she hasn't replied.)