HELP! Inappropriate message from client I clean for.

[LemonLass]

Need advice on how to proceed, ladies.

Just started cleaning for a chap in his 70s in a town I lived in for 20yrs. His partner lives around 20 miles away and asked for help on his behalf. He has grown up kids and grandkids and is a professional (medical) semi retired.

I have cleaned for him twice and he goes out once I arrive.

I am due to clean tomorrow. He has just messaged to advise a plumber will be at his tomorrow. Owner will be out on his motorbike. OK, not ideal someone there but ok (I have a key).

Then I received this message. Urgh.

My instinct was block and dont engage and return key (he will be out).

Alternative to send this screenshot to the partner and say why I quit (and drop key as above).

Or go and clean as he wouldnt be there.

I am not a prude but his text was totally inappropriate. I had thought he had sent it in error but no word from him since to backtrack.

Comments and advice please ladies. Would you clean for this person under these circunstances. This extra money is £13ph self employed if that makes a difference to your comments (not a lot but very handy sideline).

How awkward!

PS i think i have successfully scrubbed anything identifiable.

I would reply to him and his partner and say you feel this message was inappropriate and you don't feel comfortable cleaning for him now. Y assume it was in error yu never knw. It may well be an accident - in which case you will probably be able t tell from both their replies because she will know if it is was likely for her. But What if it wasn't, what he's just pushing his luck to see how you responded. You've only been three times it's not really long enough to geta real idea of what somebody's like I'd err on the side f caution.

Bloody hell, so many apologists on here.

OP, I would simply reply “WTF?”. Then I would send to his partner saying you can’t continue to work for him.

I wouldn’t be going anywhere near his house.

I know nothing more about this apart from I've read there is something called sms spoofing. It's a technique hackers use to send inappropriate messages from your phone. I'm definitely not saying this is the case OP but it's worth considering and asking this man outright if he sent this message.

Different writing style, not convinced he wrote it. But who did then?

Anyway I think I'd wait until first thing tomorrow, then forward the text to his DP and say you won't be going back. If he didn't write it and in some weird scenario it was a practical joke by some random, that will give him time to discover it and try to rectify it.

Come on OP, this feels really, really over the top.
As other PPs have stated, the style of that last text message is totally different to usual style of this gentleman. I wouldn't jump the gun and call this sexual harrassment (YET) - we simply do not have enough information. His phone could have even be hacked. It does look very like someone else has sent it and he is unsuspecting. Does he have any grandchildren?
And just on this - if someone is playing a prank, text message to 'the cleaner' would be first on the list.

What's wrong with simply calling it out? You can still say that you don't feel comfortable working for him again. I wouldn't text his partner.

One fairly obvious reason to favour the "error" possibility at this stage - the OP makes it clear that he leaves the house when she's there, as he intends to do this time.

Not really what you'd expect from someone with a lecherous interest in his cleaner.

This really isn’t a thing that bots do

Are you sure it wasn't meant for his partner? Seems quite a sudden turn in the conversation, like from 0-100. Maybe he meant to message her but accidentally messaged you instead. I would ask if the message was meant for you and see what he says.

There’s a lot of what ifs or maybes on this thread but the point remains, mistake or not, he’s made you incredibly uncomfortable and that’s not ok.

Was this meant for you? Maybe it was meant for his boyfriend.

That's sexual harassment!

Please research sms spoofing before jumping to conclusions. If this man is guilty of sending the message then he is disgusting & you should take the appropriate action. If he is a victim of sms spoofing then it's awful to be accused of this until absolutely certain.

If he hasn't sent an apology and explanation by the morning, don't turn up to clean.

Eta, I used to do cleaning when I was a student. Once when I turned up the man I cleaned for was in his PJs as wasn't well (or so he said). I did the cleaning then he made me a cup of tea. Sat there chatting to me with his dick hanging out of his PJs.

I was young, didn't know what to do. Made my excuses, left and never went back.

Not if it wasn't intended for her.

What I’d do, and this isn’t for everyone, is just reply with something ambiguous like “bloody hell” or “!!!”. Literally just that. How he responds to that will tell you more about whether it was a real accident, or an “accidentally on purpose” testing the waters.

I'm taking it nobody agrees there are phone hackers who can send messages from other people's phones.

Classic fail to read to the end

Looking at it I think it's pretty obvious that it's for his OH, but maybe that's what he wants people to think! In a way I think it's irrelevant whether it was a mistake or not, it's still vile and I wouldn't feel the same way about working for a lone bloke after that.

How desperate are you for the work OP? If you don't like the thought of going back there then just reply that due to this text message you no longer feel that you can clean for him. It's a gross invasion of your privacy and comfort.

Are you sure its from him? Its quite a sudden change of tone and no capital letter at the start - the emojis don’t match his earlier messages either

It sounds like a mistake. It’s something certain people would text a partner that’s away / in a long distance relationship. You wouldn’t immediately know (or at least not always) that you’ve texted the wrong person. I have a lot of texts from my mum that were intended for my sister and she never realised it until I told her.

Not even the end, the OPs second post writes out the message in full whilst the photo was in MH review!

I vote send to partner. I wouldn’t feel safe around him ever. Also don’t believe it was an accident.

I think it's for someone else, and he hasn't realised yet as he hasn't gone back into his messages. When he does, he'll immediately text back.

The only thing that makes me think that is might be deliberate (I haven't read the full thread so someone might have already said this) is he mentions earlier about you doing the ironing 'watching TV', so him segueing into talking about porn isn't completely random

But on the balance of probabilities, it was a message for someone else.

It may or may not be the case but when I read about sms spoofing it's alarming what hackers can do nowadays and what people could be accused off if it happened to them.

It's...very strange. Agree that the abrupt change in tone in the space of seconds does suggest he's replied on the wrong thread by mistake, but if so then it's odd he hasn't yet realised. You'd think that if he'd meant to send it to his partner he'd have a check to see if she'd read it yet, a couple of hours on. I can believe that a dirty old man might decide to try his luck but it's such a weird and sudden way of doing it. I think I'd do as a previous poster suggested and just reply with a question mark. That way he won't be entirely sure how to interpret your tone so it's not as easy an "out" as saying "think you meant this for someone else", whilst still drawing his attention to the fact that he sent it to you on the off-chance he genuinely hasn't realised. Then the ball is in his court as to how he deals with it.