His sister drives me mad!

[OutdoorQueen]

Will try & keep it brief but will be difficult as it’s my favourite topic to rant on!

My hubby seems to run round for his sister non stop. Often having to alter / delay our plans!

She is a single parent to 5 DC, she chose to keep having children with a man she no longer loved. I understand she wanted them but she also chose to leave him. This was all pre planned on her part.

The kids dad is a bit useless when it comes to their hobbies, if it’s his WE with them he won’t take them etc.

So, she enrolled them all in different clubs. Think one at hockey one at swimming for every Saturday morning AT THE SAME TIME!

This means my DH has to drive from ours to hers (a 60 min journey) to take 2 of them and she takes the other 3. It isn’t a one off or an emergency, it was a ‘I need you to take A & B every other Saturday please’. No is that ok? No if you don’t have plans etc. She knows he hates saying no to her & massively plays on this.

That’s my AIBU 1 - that is massively winds me up & that she’s a CF for just expecting it.

Secondly her eldest 2 (twins) are in their 1st year of high school. They don’t like walking home (approx 10 min walk). She can’t get out of work to collect them one day a week (the younger ones go to after school club) so MY DH has to go get them & drop them off at home.

Holidays, she wants lovely family holidays. Great, don’t we all! We have no young kids, we had ours v young so they are now adults. SIL is our age. I absolutely do not want to go to an all inclusive resort surrounded by kids & ultimately ending up looking after them / being stuck with them etc. She keeps asking DH saying how much the kids want him / us there, how they were so upset we didn’t go on the last one. It’s all a guilt trip. The youngest have started saying this too. I know it’s her telling them too.

Calling him for the smallest thing. Lawnmower won’t start, shelf needs putting up, car has flat tyre etc. this is several times a week.

Father’s Day is coming up. Last year we were away. The kids apparently were ‘heartbroken’ we didn’t call & see them as they had made him cards. He is their uncle, not their dad! They have a dad who they see!!!

I’m sick of arguing about it with DH.

He is adamant the kids ‘do his head in’ and he doesn’t want to spend extra time there but feels guilty when she needs help or asks for it.

I have told him I feel like the other woman in my own marriage. She clicks her fingers & he jumps!

There is so so much more. I’m waffling now.

Am I being unreasonable or does my hubby need to decide who he keeps happy, his wife or his sister!

Why is it frightening to be annoyed about having to work your plans around someone else kids or needs?

he will be acutely aware of all this
but still he does it

he is a grown assed adult. He is doing this because he WANTS to.

I don’t look down on her for being a single parent or for choosing to be.
I don’t look down on her for anything.
it annoys me that she just expects us to be fine with her plans, maybe ask first if we (he) would mind taking them to their club before enrolling them!

She's the kind of woman who pisses me off because they act so bloody helpless. Usually aren't, they're just downright idle and manipulative especially when there's someone else to dance attention on them.

You most definitely have a husband problem and until he sorts it out in his head you're stuck.

You don't look down on her for her choices? Gosh, you hide that well.

Thankfully her brother doesn’t

I reckon he sees this time as his escapee time.

He works with the Op
their kids are grown up
and she’s prepared to leave him over one weekend morning and one evening.

controlling much?

She’s treating him as if he’s her husband. And he is behaving like it. Ew

Obviously I’d rather not leave him. I love him & have an otherwise lovely life with him.

it’s the lack of respect that it was just assumed he would do it / guilting him in to doing it.

if he wanted to go play golf on a Saturday morning I’ve no issue with that, it isn’t about him not being with me at all times, we do have separate interests / hobbies,

we did both like going away at weekends. This has now been stopped every other week at least.

why should I be fine with that?

You really do not want to accept the fact that in all likelihood your husband tells his sister he’s very happy to help and offers to

YANBU to be annoyed he does it, but I agree if he’s not prepared to say no to her, just shrug and leave him to it. It’s his issue.

You get Saturday morning on your own, win. If you want to go away for the weekend, just both of you go - and tell CF sister “we are away this weekend”. Also add: “We aren’t coming on holiday with you btw, have a lovely time.”

If she says the kids have been missing him, just say: “Ah, that’s nice.”

And so on…

Give him the ultimatum then

see how that pans out

Wait, so it's not every Saturday, it's every other Saturday?

Have you considered fitting him with a leash?

This is ridiculous, why on earth shouldn't his wife be his priority? They have done their bit, its now time to enjoy their freedom. The op and her husband have raised their children, worked hard for what they have now, now have the flexibility for their own working hours so are free. The OP has resentment against the sister due to the hold his sister seems to have over her life and any plans she wants to do with her husband and its not right.

Every other Saturday morning
and one evening (4 hours)

seriously??!

He spends the vast majority of his free time with his wife. How do you arrive at the conclusion that he therefore does not see his wife as his priority?

Ask him who is he married to his wife or his sister.
I couldn't be putting up with that.
I have a big gob and honestly i would have said something by now.
Her kids her responsibility not everyone else's.
Why have that many kids if you want help constantly or was the bank running low.
Sorry op you have to say some thing.

Your problem isn't SIL, your problem is your husband! If he's not willing to change, you have a choice - put up with it or not 🤷‍♀️

Secondary school age children should be able to walk a 10 minute journey home! Your DH has to drive 60 minutes to pick them up and another 60 minutes back after dropping them off?!!

Sorry only read the first page but did he run round this much for his own kids? Must be a bit shit for them if not, seeing how much dad does for the nephews and nieces when he didn't put the same amount of ridiculous hours in for his own kids

Odd isn’t it

so leads me to believe he actively wants to do this

From OP :
So, she enrolled them all in different clubs. Think one at hockey one at swimming for every Saturday morning AT THE SAME TIME!
This means my DH has to drive from ours to hers (a 60 min journey) to take 2 of them and she takes the other 3. It isn’t a one off or an emergency, it was a ‘I need you to take A & B every other Saturday please’. No is that ok? No if you don’t have plans etc. She knows he hates saying no to her & massively plays on this.
That’s my AIBU 1 - that is massively winds me up & that she’s a CF for just expecting it.
Secondly her eldest 2 (twins) are in their 1st year of high school. They don’t like walking home (approx 10 min walk). She can’t get out of work to collect them one day a week (the younger ones go to after school club) so MY DH has to go get them & drop them off at home.
Holidays, she wants lovely family holidays. Great, don’t we all! We have no young kids, we had ours v young so they are now adults. SIL is our age. I absolutely do not want to go to an all inclusive resort surrounded by kids & ultimately ending up looking after them / being stuck with them etc. She keeps asking DH saying how much the kids want him / us there, how they were so upset we didn’t go on the last one. It’s all a guilt trip. The youngest have started saying this too. I know it’s her telling them too.
Calling him for the smallest thing. Lawnmower won’t start, shelf needs putting up, car has flat tyre etc. this is several times a week.
Father’s Day is coming up. Last year we were away. The kids apparently were ‘heartbroken’ we didn’t call & see them as they had made him cards. He is their uncle, not their dad! They have a dad who they see!!!
Husband has to collect to bring to school and home - mornings and afternoon affected
Saturday affected as yes its only morning but day is gone and too late to more likely do anything
Calls at anytime when slightest issue arises so he has to go over, this affects evenings i say aswell as Sundays
Also hinting big time about wanting to go on holiday with her - eating into more valuable time . His free time is constantly being broken by the sister, its affecting them making plans and going on holidays etc
Op i am linking another thread here that is about her boyfriend spending too much time with his parents - everyone telling her to run, LTB - not the exact same but similar, family can not stand on their own two feet. Yes its the sisters choice to have children, but its not on your husband to raise them - Using a common MN phrase you have a DH problem
Boyfriend spending too much time at his parents/with his niece | Mumsnet