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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to go on holiday without toddler

102 replies

10thlittlemonkey · 14/05/2025 13:38

I was thinking of booking a short all inclusive break (3-4 days) with my partner and leave my 2.5year old with my parents. She has had a few sleepovers with my parents and has recently had a 2night sleepover which was uneventful, but she was quite unsettled with her behaviour when she came home- thinking maybe a bit of built up emotion but could also have been just normal unpredictable toddler stuff!
I was talking about this with a colleague and they suggested that they would NEVER have their child miss out on the experience of a holiday and as a working parent, it is most important to prioritise time together as a family. Whilst I agree with this sentiment and do love our time together as a family- I am just really craving some relaxing pool days and being able to have an few days of uninterrupted food and rest.
AIBU for considering this?

OP posts:
Nottsandcrosses · 14/05/2025 13:41

3 Children and in 12 years we only had one childfree break for 5 days for DH birthday surprise, other than that we are family holidays all the way.

So for an occasion yes, or even if you have other family holidays booked then maybe, but in place of i think that would be very selfish.

TwentyKittens · 14/05/2025 13:42

If she's unsettled after 2 nights, you're unreasonable to go away for more. And I'd say you're unreasonable to have another two night sleepover until she's older, and can be more settled.

FanofLeaves · 14/05/2025 13:46

I’d build up short stay overs first and see how she goes. she’s only young still but I’d work on her being more comfortable then re-assess.

I don’t have childcare available to me so it’s difficult to say if I’d do this but I can see the temptation! If I was confident they’d be happier with you being away I definitely think would about a short break as a one off, then probably book something as a family for later on.

Your colleague sounds annoyingly self righteous to be honest.

sploshsplash · 14/05/2025 13:46

Have little regular sleepovers until your break away to build her up. Great for Gparents relationship with your daughter too. She will love it and you guys will love your holiday. Go for it!!

BarnacleBeasley · 14/05/2025 13:49

Time spent as a family is important, but so is time spent as a couple, which is something my DP and I definitely don't do enough of now we have kids. We both thoroughly enjoyed the May bank holiday when nursery was still open. Having said that, I'd hesitate to leave mine for a few days if I thought they might be too upset (we do often travel for work, but not at the same time), so as PPs have said I'd want to do another couple of short sleepovers and see how they go before committing myself.

Ablondiebutagoody · 14/05/2025 13:49

Mine loved a holiday when he was a toddler. Such beautiful memories. More so than any holiday with just my partner. I would take DD every single time.

cadburyegg · 14/05/2025 13:49

I think 2/3 nights is probably the max I would suggest based on her age and previous experience. As long as you are balancing couple time with family holidays it’s fine. I’d say different if you were never taking a family holiday and taking couple breaks several times a year. What you suggest is fine. You don’t need to use 100% of your annual leave for family time.

Original poster
10thlittlemonkey · 14/05/2025 13:50

I should have been a bit clearer that the unsettledness came after, once she was home. She absolutely loves staying over, gas asked to go again and sleeps better there than she does at home! So I have no doubt she would be fine but there may spiral once home

OP posts:
ZippyPeer · 14/05/2025 13:52

I'd do it - sounds fun!

(Going on holidays with toddlers is not fun)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 14/05/2025 13:53

I’m a bit on the fence.

As there’s no reason for it to be abroad or that length other than preference, I might go for something shorter and in the UK.

Everyone needs a break, but I’d probably do the all inclusive as a family holiday, and you and DH taking turns to give each other some relaxation time, or using a holiday club for a couple of sessions whilst there.

Hatty65 · 14/05/2025 13:53

Are your parents really keen to have a (possibly unsettled) toddler for 4 days?

I can't think of anything more exhausting, personally.

MellowPinkDeer · 14/05/2025 13:55

I’d go. I did go. It will be fine! I can’t believe the amount of people on MN who never go anywhere without their kids ( for YEARS) it is no reflective of the people I know in RL! Have a.l great time!

FedupofArsenalgame · 14/05/2025 13:57

No problem with that if he GPs are willing to have her. Really can't see why some people here seems to think you are not allowed any seperate life once you have kids
And surely it's better for the child to have happy relaxed parents who look after their own relationships.

As for the person suggesting taking the kid and tag teaming. Well how do you get to spend any couple time like that?

Summerishere123 · 14/05/2025 13:59

Absolutley do it! I wish we had. Now the kids are older they definitley wouldn't forgive us for going abroad without them!

HiCandles · 14/05/2025 14:01

I think it's quite a long time to be away, especially as she was unsettled after the last stay.
I'd repeat 2 night stays so this becomes normal before extending it. You can still have a lovely weekend away Friday -Sunday.
I personally would love a short holiday away from my 2 preschoolers but I think it'd be too long for them, and also my parents are completely exhausted after 2 nights as it is!

FanofLeaves · 14/05/2025 14:04

ZippyPeer · 14/05/2025 13:52

I'd do it - sounds fun!

(Going on holidays with toddlers is not fun)

That’s a bit sad. I’m just back from a week in Spain with my three year old and we had a blast. We did centre parcs when he was 2 and it was also really fun. I hate this attitude that nothing is fun anymore when you’ve got small children. It’s different, and often harder, but there’s still fun.

FedupofArsenalgame · 14/05/2025 14:05

FanofLeaves · 14/05/2025 14:04

That’s a bit sad. I’m just back from a week in Spain with my three year old and we had a blast. We did centre parcs when he was 2 and it was also really fun. I hate this attitude that nothing is fun anymore when you’ve got small children. It’s different, and often harder, but there’s still fun.

Show quote history

But its not good for relaxing couple time.

FanofLeaves · 14/05/2025 14:08

FedupofArsenalgame · 14/05/2025 14:05

But its not good for relaxing couple time.

Show quote history

True, but that’s not the comment I was responding to, it was the poster that said it wasn’t fun.

If you have a fairly reliable sleeper and a separate room/balcony, you can still enjoy evenings as a couple. If there’s a good kids club or crèche and they’re happy to go for a couple of hours then there’s that, too.

I personally wouldn’t do more that a night away from mine at that age but I don’t have particularly hands on or local parents to help, so it’s difficult to imagine.

Dinoswearunderpants · 14/05/2025 14:08

I'd never leave a child that young to go abroad. Personally I think it's really selfish. Why would you not want to take your daughter too? Book a hotel with childcare and you can still have some adult time too,

EggnogNoggin · 14/05/2025 14:09

Could you try having your parents staying over at you own home for 2 nights with her and see if she is unsettled? It might be that she was unsettled by not being at home rather than by you not being there.

EggnogNoggin · 14/05/2025 14:10

Dinoswearunderpants · 14/05/2025 14:08

I'd never leave a child that young to go abroad. Personally I think it's really selfish. Why would you not want to take your daughter too? Book a hotel with childcare and you can still have some adult time too,

I disagree with a short break being selfish. A child is going to be far happier and safer at home than in foreign childcare.

Dinoswearunderpants · 14/05/2025 14:11

EggnogNoggin · 14/05/2025 14:10

I disagree with a short break being selfish. A child is going to be far happier and safer at home than in foreign childcare.

Show quote history

Are you serious? Spending an hour or two at a decent childcare setting as opposed to not seeing their parents for several days.

Decent hotels provide outstanding childcare settings.

savysaver23 · 14/05/2025 14:12

I don't usually comment but i cant believe how many people are saying no. I have left my children with their nans overnight since they were around 6 months. One time was our honeymoon in the USA for 14 days. It builds character in a child. Take advantage while you can, now they are all over 10 they don't want to stay away for even a night so going anywhere as a couple is becoming impossible. We still do a night away or 2 every 6 months or so but it becomes harder as they become more of their own person.
Go for it i say!

Whoarethoseguys · 14/05/2025 14:12

I think 3 or 4 days is a very long time.for a 2 year old and also for the grandparents looking after them what if she is ill and just wants her parents?
So sorry but yes I do think you are being unreasonable.
Having young child is hard but that is just life and while the child are young I think you need to prioritise them.

NotSmallButFunSize · 14/05/2025 14:13

It's not "selfish" to want to invest in your relationship and also yourself - this is the root of bloody "mum guilt" which is in fact not guilt at all but being shamed for also wanting to take care of yourself occasionally!

The best thing you can do for your kid's self esteem is to model self care and showing that you matter too - they grow up believing they deserve the same.

Go OP - am jealous and mine are much older so aren't even an issue on holiday anymore!