AIBU to go on holiday without toddler

[10thlittlemonkey]

I was thinking of booking a short all inclusive break (3-4 days) with my partner and leave my 2.5year old with my parents. She has had a few sleepovers with my parents and has recently had a 2night sleepover which was uneventful, but she was quite unsettled with her behaviour when she came home- thinking maybe a bit of built up emotion but could also have been just normal unpredictable toddler stuff!
I was talking about this with a colleague and they suggested that they would NEVER have their child miss out on the experience of a holiday and as a working parent, it is most important to prioritise time together as a family. Whilst I agree with this sentiment and do love our time together as a family- I am just really craving some relaxing pool days and being able to have an few days of uninterrupted food and rest.
AIBU for considering this?

This! And also what @NotSmallButFunSize said.

How many threads on here do we see about relationships struggling, no sex, affairs etc, and so much of it comes down to not having time for each other / together once kids come along.

If you have grandparents who are happy to babysit then go for it!

I really wouldn’t say being separated from a main caregiver at six months old for two weeks ‘builds character’ (in what way?!) but each to their own.

staying 3-4 days with grand-parents, that's more than normal!

Of course YANBU.
At that age, she will have just as much fun in a day trip at the zoo and a day at the beach than going on an AI holiday with her parents.

I love holidays with my kids, but I love holidays without them too 😂

Not selfish, it's important to make time for your relationship with your partner as well, and if you can afford it, why not?

However, she might be a little young for longer than 2 nights at your parent's right now. Do you want to come back feeling relaxed and refreshed and thrilled to see her only to have "unsettled" behaviour? That would make me feel so frustrated after having a lovely few restful days, it would undo all the relaxation!

DH And I have done two (separate) week long trips and left DS 2 with in-laws. He was completely fine and loved spending time with his grandparents (they have so many toys there that he barely sees so very well occupied!). It was lovely for DH and I to have that time as a couple and to recharge.
But, I only work two (albeit extremely long) days a week, so I have 5 days a week completely with DS. I would probably feel differently if I worked full time and only had weekends to see him.

@FanofLeaves i didn't say i left them at 6 months to go for the 14 nights, the youngest was around 2 years old then. They really enjoyed being with their nan, spending days at the park and day trips out the great grans and other people. I would say it helps some kids, but i value everyone's opinion is not the same as mine and i am very fortunate they used to want to stay over a lot.
It will also help you and your DH have some much needed alone time as there isn't much with toddlers around.

You’re absolutely not being unreasonable. And I say that from experience. I’ve just had my nearly 2 year old granddaughter for just over a week while her parents went away. She had a ball, we had an exhausting but wonderful time and when her parents came back she was happy to see them, obviously but was not affected at all negatively by it. Her parents had quality time together, we all had quality time with her everyone was happy! Do it!!

It’s very hard for me to imagine doing as I hate being away from mine for long, and I’d worry something happening and being unable to get to them easily. but then, as you say, everyone has different opinions. And I don’t have the option of hands on parents and I just about feel comfortable with leaving DS with them for a night but even then I don’t think they’d facilitate any more than that, even though they love him (and he’s not even difficult in any way) but in their minds, sole childcare is done and dusted after raising 3 kids. I do appreciate that this isn’t the case for everyone, you are very fortunate!

I had a few holidays with just partner or friends when my two were young. Brilliant. They were holidays for ME as me, rather than me as mum. We also took them on plenty of holidays as well, and they were well cared for when I was elsewhere.

They’re both adults now, and we have lovely relationships. We’ve chatted about me buggering off on holiday without them and they totally get it.

You’re not just a mum, you need a life too.

No reason to think the child would be unsettled, they were fine with two nights after all!

Do it op, everyone’s a winner.

Mate, I feel jealous just imagining this scenario. You're so lucky you're in a position to have your parents babysit. Bloody go for it!! Save the family holidays for when your child is older and can remember and appreciate it more (at this age, they can have as much fun in the pool of a hotel in Spain as they can splashing around in a bucket of dirty rainwater in their Nan's garden!). You'll be a more chilled out parent if you have some "me" time.

It’s a bit young IMO for that long. I’d definitely do a night but any longer I think might be a bit much, my understanding is that kids that age don’t have sufficient understanding to know that you’ll definitely come back!

What we did at that age was go to places with good kids activities and clubs, like Center Parcs and nice hotels so we got a break but the kids saw us too.

It's fine but I'd keep it short - 2 or 3 nights.

As long as your parents are able to take care of her and she is comfortable for that long then go ahead. I wouldn’t leave my 3 year old but that’s because I don’t think my parents could take it for that long.

If you have support why not?? I've taken my toddler at that age and recently at 3. Yes he did enjoy himself but I was...............tired!!!!!! Planning a trip next year without kids.

Of course it isn't unreasonable.

DH and I are going abroad for a week next month and youngest DC will be 14 months.

You and DH matter too and it's absolutely fine to take some time out just for the two of you.

You will always get a pile on with these posts with people saying they never could be so selfish etc, but I do it once a year and trust me, it relaxes me that I feel so much more relaxed and less highly strung that I go back to my little one a better version of myself. I always say you need to look after yourself in order to be the best version of you!

as long as your toddler is safe and with someone you both trust and they’re happy then go for it x

I did a 2 night uk break with DH based around a sporting event so away for 48 hrs which meant some time together but not too long away from DS. I think that suited all of us. I couldn’t imagine going on holiday without DS I’d feel like I was missing a body part. We’re about to go away and he’s so excited about swimming and playing on the beach I’d feel so guilty if I was going away, with his dad, without him.
I get some downtime by arranging girly days out with friends and the occasional overnighter. Another option is booking a family friendly hotel with a good kids club so that you can have a few hrs each day to yourselves.

I don't think I'd have done it at 2.5 but only because DS was in hospital a few times at that age due to asthma. From age 4 he spent 3-4 days with grandparents across the country a few times and we went on a 3 day city break (abroad). I cannot stress how good it can be for your relationship.

I would do it but only if having a family holiday with the kids too. We are planning to always do at least one family holiday and then if time and money allows do a short trip for just me and DH. We haven’t yet as our DCs are very young but will probably start doing this next year. I think it would be unfair to do it if it were the only opportunity to go away that year though.

Spending an hour or two with total strangers in a strange place knowing mum and dad are leaving them but not why vs being spoilt rotten in a familiar home with grandparents because mummy and daddy have to go away for a few days. Yeah, I'm serious.

YABU. 2.5yr is FAR too young to leave for days without either parent. That's too little to be able to understand that although your parents have gone, they will return. As far as she's aware, you've gone, and she will have no concept of you returning.

This is cruel. She's tiny. She needs at least one parent with her.

It’s a kids club not a labour camp. Lots of children are fine with this, of course depends on temperament and if they’re used to nursery or whatever (often hotels dont do it for under 3s though) mine spent 2 hours making salt dough and dancing to El Train and had a blast, then we picked him up and went to the beach for the afternoon. No drama. We know he enjoyed it because he told us! But if he didn’t want to be left, we would have just kept him with us anyway.

I don’t think it’s fair on the grandparents having to look after her while you’re away. What if she’s ill? It could be really hard work for them.

Go and have a lovely time.

We regularly have breaks without our children. (And holidays with them). Whilst we are away they are spoiled rotten by adoring grandparents and have a wonderful time.

it’s good to make time for yourself and your relationship. It’s also good for grandparents and grandchildren to have time and space for their relationships.

ignore the drama llamas. It’s a short break not child abandonment 🤣