AIBU to go on holiday without toddler

[10thlittlemonkey]

I was thinking of booking a short all inclusive break (3-4 days) with my partner and leave my 2.5year old with my parents. She has had a few sleepovers with my parents and has recently had a 2night sleepover which was uneventful, but she was quite unsettled with her behaviour when she came home- thinking maybe a bit of built up emotion but could also have been just normal unpredictable toddler stuff!
I was talking about this with a colleague and they suggested that they would NEVER have their child miss out on the experience of a holiday and as a working parent, it is most important to prioritise time together as a family. Whilst I agree with this sentiment and do love our time together as a family- I am just really craving some relaxing pool days and being able to have an few days of uninterrupted food and rest.
AIBU for considering this?

It’s not cruel, check yourself!

she was fine for two days, so what makes you think she’s unhappy there.

At 2.5? My 2.5 year old most definitely knows that if mummy and daddy go somewhere, they will come back.

We've both left him before and he understood we'd be back. I wouldn't say that was unusual either.

Children go to nursery at 2 and a lot before, they know they’re going home as does this one as ages stayed at Nannie’s before.

Oh behave yourself 🤣🤣🤣🤣

I really don't think this is the case. We don't do this because our kids grandparents live too far away to have that kind of relationship with them, but DP and I have been away individually for up to a week and a 2.5 year old can definitely understand what is going on: 'Mummy has gone to London. She'll be back on Saturday. Today is Thursday.' OP's child will be with trusted grandparents in a familiar setting where she's stayed over frequently before.

We did when DD1 was 3, and I went away with friends for a similar time period when DD1 was 2. Little things that kept me sane, TBH.

I'd love to do this if we had the option. All the posters who say they have regular couples time, grandparents are happy to have the kids for a few nights/a week? My parents are 70, and my kids are hard work! I can't imagine them wanting to provide this level of childcare.

I did this when my daughter was similar age, it was totally worth it.

She had a great time with grandparents; the grandparents loved being able to fuss and coo and play without us being around; we were able to relax, recharge and remember why we love being with each other.

One word of caution… baby number 2 was conceived on this trip 😂😂

Go on a pool holiday - but with the grandparents?

We did this when DD was 2.5 yrs and it was the best. They played with her in the pool so we got some chill time, then babysat while we got dressed up for a meal out one night or were with her when we went for pre dinner cocktails. We all loved it and they miss it now she’s older. We went to the same hotel multiple times and have the best memories from those hols together.

But if you really want just you two, then go for it and don’t be shamed for it if she’s happy to stay with GPs.

Go for it. Good for all of you

You can be craving whatever you want but you're a parent. You do not leave your child! That is unbelievably selfish to even consider.

We left our then 2yo for a month when we went to work. It was that or she'd starve. Also left both for 4 nights last year to go away for my 40th. They love spending time with gran and papa and don't miss us at all.

In this country, it seems that a 12-year-old absolutely cannot be left alone at home for a few hours of an evening, but it's totally fine to leave a toddler without its primary caregivers for several days and nights running. Should surely be the other way around in terms of child development, attachment etc.

OP, if you can tell that your child is clearly unsettled by overnight stays and by your absence, I would definitely leave it a couple of years. Or go on holiday with the grandparents and enjoy some free time, dinners etc. while out there.

Tbf I don't judge either way. Parents know their kids best. The context of my reply was that it was to someone who said leaving the kids at home was cruel. I'm fine with either choice, but I do think I'd trust grandparents more.

You and your spouse went two weeks without seeing your six month old baby? Are you honestly advocating this?

That's a very strange comparison. Whether one chooses to leave a 12 year old at home alone or not, completely unsupervised in case of fire/illness/someone breaking in, has nothing to do with attachment.

No. pp clearly says that she started leaving them since 6 months and after a full stop adds that one time was for 2 weeks.

It was unlikely to be 2 weeks for the first time they were left at 6 months.

Parents don't stop existing as people when they become parents. They also don't need to be with their child 24/7.

Me and partner are flying off on Sunday for 4 nights leaving our 3 year old with Nanna & Grandad - how selfish of us!

We both love parenting, but also sometimes need some time for ourselves.

Go for it!!!!

What a narrow minded and boring life you must have! I’m so much more than just a parent and that’s ok. I can’t believe you’d come here and shame people for being independent and valuing themselves and their relationships !

I’m going to do myself an injury rolling my eyes at some of these comments.

It’s perfectly fine to go on short breaks and occasional holidays without your child(ren). Well attached children trust that you’ll always come back the relationship between spouses needs nourishment as well. And it’s ludicrous to pretend that taking the whole family to a child-centric resort and using a few hours of kids-club per day or trading “shifts” with your spouse is the same as a couple’s trip planned around two adults. Everyone should do what works best for them and their own family and stop trying to turn that into some objective Right Way that others are wrong for not adhering to.

Also, young child seeing temporarily a bit unsettled after a break from routine is developmentally normal and fine. Once upon a time I taught pre-school/nursery and we knew to expect this from any child returning from holiday (with or without parents). Young children are still learning to adjust to changes to routine and returns to normalcy, but that doesn’t mean that you should never alter their routines, it means they need gentle practice at it with age-appropriate understanding and support.

I don't think I evsr said it wasn't fun.... have had lots of fun toddler centred holidays mainly in UK and one abroad when she was under 1. I absolutely adored those fun holidays and her company but it is very different to a couple only holiday in terms of relaxation and spontaneous activities

Exactly, shock horror you can enjoy both types of holiday……who knew? Probably someone who had never tried it!

“Faints” are you expecting them all to be in one piece on your return?

I mean they may have all self combusted by then, have you risk assessed that?

When I was a child my parents had no close family or childcare (occasionally evening babysitters) and once a year dsis and I went to London to stay with our aunt. We loved it. It helped us forge a lovely relationship with aunt and uncle, we felt thoroughly spoiled. I'm sure my parents appreciated the break

As adults my dsis lived close to our parents and benefitted from (and appreciated) regular short periods when her dc would be looked after and she and her dh could have time as a couple. I lived 6 hours away and parents would visit regularly to give me and dp the chance of a break, and most years they stayed while we went away.

It felt important for me and dp (with almost no other support) to strengthen our relationship, and it also felt important for my parents and my dc to forge their own close relationship without me in the background. I think the adult dc of dsis and I, all feel similarly strong bonds with our parents.