I don’t feel like my kids are thriving right now

[guh]

They’re 3 and 5. My 5 year old is in reception and my little one is at nursery.

there’s a lot of crying and screaming going on and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

they seem utterly shattered. I pick them up after nursery and school at 3 pm. I try to get them to bed by 7:30-8 pm. They get up at 7.

I am trying to feed them nutritious meals, although that’s a challenge sometimes.

what else can I do ? They just seem so frazzled, always complaining and crying and screaming. I’m not sure if I’ve just had a bad day or what, but I just don’t feel like they’re happy at the moment.

Any tips on what I could do, to balance them a bit more? They seem out of balance.

What do you do in-between pick up and bedtime? Maybe get them out for a walk now then weather is nice or in the garden if you have one? My kids are always so much happier when outside, but I know exactly what you mean about them seeming frazzled!! Maybe try and have an activity planned for when they get home?

Could you give them each a visual timetable and stick really clearly to a strong routine for a while? I found when mine were little that they were less whiny when they knew exactly what to expect.

I would try bringing the bedtime forward. Mine are 3 and 4 and we aim for bed at 6.45/ 7pm and they wake up about half about 7-7.30pm. Low demands when we are home as find they are absolutely shattered. We still have plenty of screaming, I think it’s the age and also this week the weather. Just lots of boundaries and repetition needed in our house

Yeah I sometimes take them to the playground or I let them play outside in our garden, nothing makes any difference to be honest.

Mine go through phases like that. It’s rare for them to both go through it at the same time though! So maybe you’re just unlucky.

I’ve always thought of them as going through a developmental stage - and just try and ride it out, lots of cuddles, sleep with them at night if they need it etc. Now 8 and 4 and we seem to be quite settled though they still have their moments! 4 year old is still having tantrums now and then, but it’s a lot easier when the 8 year old is calm (and finds the tantrums hilarious 😆)

Could you pull back any other activities for a bit - free up weekends for some chill time? Nursery and reception are big transition years and you have a double whammy.

Do you do a post school snack? Toast and an apple or something? Could you all do something together sometimes eg go for a walk, play a simple game? I’m wondering if they’re just running out of steam a bit early and too tired to play.

Also how are you? When I’m feeling stressed myself the screaming feels much screamier.

I always give them their after school snack in the car. I also stay with them until they’ve fallen asleep every night.

If I’m not taking them outside or to the playground, we just chill, playing with trains or blocks / Lego a bit. Some colouring in and some TV time.

I would give them a snack and some quiet time as soon as they be home, get dinner done and aim to have them in bed for 7pm. They don’t need extra walks if they’re already shattered.

You sound like a troll. I’m not whining. I’m literally asking for help on how to make them happier / aka be a better parent. What’s wrong with you ? Seriously.

Oh sorry I didn’t realise you were a child. What are you doing posting here ? Anyway, I’m not Gen X FYI. Go to bed, you need some rest too- clearly.

My kids are a bit older and scream and squabble all the time. It’s really boring and tedious. They also refuse to play separately in their own rooms - they seem to want to be with each other to argue over toys.

i think I probably don’t notice when they’re playing happily tho, just focus on the time they’re driving me mad.

no tips. Solidarity!

Honestly I am stressed but I’m in that phase where I just think YOLO. This is my life, it’s stressful ok, but only as much as you make it. We all have our health, fuck the rest. As in, I’m trying not to sweat the small stuff and focus on my children being happy and healthy.

It’s really normal for kids to decompress in the “safe space” at home. Not much you can do except bring dinner time earlier, have a really consistent routine eg both of them share a bath while you all sing nursery rhymes then story then sleep.

I guess all their pent up feelings come out when they’re at home.

What stands out for me is trying to get them to bed for 7.30/8. Are you wanting to get them to bed earlier?

Do they have some lovely toys and lovely cosy rooms? Books to look at and snuggled up with? Favourite meals, fun activities? I guess they may have a growth spurt and feeling tired and grizzly. This too shall pass.

Do you need to stay with them until they've fallen asleep?

Obviously all kids are different but is this contributing to a more drawn out bedtime?

Is reading, cuddles and then lights off and letting them fall asleep worth a try?

It might be more painful short term but it will at least give you more quiet time in the evening so you are less stressed and can handle their stress better.

They are both in the final term of big years of change. It is tiring for them, especially when it's hot. It will improve but don't get stuck in the rut of lying with them every night. Learning to fall asleep independently is important.

At 5 & 3 my biggest advice would be bring bedtime forward, aim for 7 rather than 7:30-8, bringing the full evening routine forward so dinner/bath/story gives the time between pick up & bedtime more structure, it means they will get more sleep & hopefully be more rested following on

I agree with trying an earlier bedtime - I remember at that age having kids tea at 5pm with the aim of bath at 6 and in bed by 6.30 for reading and winding down so asleep by 7 for 12 hours if at all humanly possible. If I could get the witching hour out of the way with food and bath then a bit of PJ time, that was a win. DH and I would then have dinner at 7.30 together.

Blackout curtains also absolutely essential this time of year, then they won't be disturbed when the sun rises early as well.

In my experience a lot of kids get emotional and fractious during the last term of a school year. They are knackered and need their summer hols. The heat doesn't help.

Are they getting tv everyday because I had to cut screen time to a once a week movie night or my 5 year old would get so cranky it really impacts his behavior!

Growth spurts make my children bonkers. Any chance it's that?