I don’t feel like my kids are thriving right now

[guh]

They’re 3 and 5. My 5 year old is in reception and my little one is at nursery.

there’s a lot of crying and screaming going on and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

they seem utterly shattered. I pick them up after nursery and school at 3 pm. I try to get them to bed by 7:30-8 pm. They get up at 7.

I am trying to feed them nutritious meals, although that’s a challenge sometimes.

what else can I do ? They just seem so frazzled, always complaining and crying and screaming. I’m not sure if I’ve just had a bad day or what, but I just don’t feel like they’re happy at the moment.

It's a phase you are probably feeling the stress of it too, and being too hard on yourself.
Fresh air , parks, story books and cuddles they will come out of this stage x

Do either of them have a nap in the day? What about taking them straight to a park before home? Plus are they competing for your attention?

For everyone saying dinner at 5pm... are you all sahp? My partner and I don't finish work until 5.30pm... it's literally impossible to get home and get dinner on the table before 6pm at v earliest. So bedtime is rarely before 7.30/8pm

Ok, I'm going to sound bonkers but have you checked them for threadworms? My now 5yo, when they were 3.5, was really irritable and tired and woke a few times at night and was so emotional more than usual. After a few weeks and after noticing their private parts looked sore, I took them to the GP who recognised it was threadworms. After treatment, they were so much more settled, slept and ate better and were in a better rnood overall (still being a typical 3-4 yo though 🤣).

Glad today was a better day.

I'd deffo an earlier bedtime, but also look at the weekends. Are they getting enough time to chill/reconnect at the weekend?

I take them to the park sometimes. But I can’t really every day and I feel like it actually makes their behaviour worse.

We also have a garden I let them play in after school.

neither have a nap during the day.

I can’t not sent my 5 year old to school and my 3 year old also needs to be in childcare as I work full time. So it’s not an option, to just ‘ not send them ‘.

@Yellowtracktor I often worked from home when they were really small, but we had a nanny as well and a childminder some days - they both did tea around 5pm so if I didn't pick up till 6pm it was straight home and into the bath.

The OP says she is picking up at 3pm every day though, so I think that's why many of us said she should be able to move dinner at least an hour earlier.

Those are awfully long days for a 3 and 5 year old. I know it's become the new normal but it's not right.

My DD in Nursery (full days) was completely out of sorts and often needed a nap when she got home.

I’d try and get them in bed a little earlier, earlier dinner, wind down etc. Will help.

Sorry but how is that such an awfully long day for a 5 year old reception child ? It’s just school hours, the same they’ve always been ? Or am I missing something.

maybe long for the 3 year old. But the 5 year old, it’s just normal and expected school.

I agree that an earlier bedtime might benefit them. Tbh they sound like me when I’m tired, I’m extremely unreasonable and I admit it!

Try a 7pm bedtime

I’ve noticed a big difference in behaviour, emotional reaction particularly since cutting out TV. We still have a movie afternoon occasionally on the weekend as a family, but routine paw patrol etc is out for good after seeing the positive change.

I also found skipping the post pick up snack and going straight to tea worked better for my 3yo. Otherwise the snack tided him over and by tea time he wasn’t hungry/was too tired to eat a decent meal. So we have super early dinner and snack AFTER if needed.

Hope the improvement you saw yesterday continues!!

I think that’s a late bedtime for that age. Also go to bed earlier for downtime ie reading books as a transition to earlier bed times.

U would be the opposite of more activities post nursery/ school. They need time to chilled. Do you feed early? They can be hungry. I found neither setting supported my child to eat. They would just say she didn’t like it when she eats it at home.

Also my dc wasn’t diagnosed with autism till secondary school. If there is any ND in the family consider they are overloaded either from masking or too much stimulus. They was shattered when she went to PS.

But your child in reception is 4yo. School age use to be 5. And even then it would be half days for a term. Now they get a few weeks.

Bed by 7 latest. They sound tired.
DS9 was like this, got up at 7am and was tired & ratty by 6.30pm till about year 2. Now he refuses to go to sleep till 10pm. 🙄

@guh I assume you're putting them to bed before they're too tired (they're your kids so you would know - my oldest is low sleep needs so 7pm has never been his bed time, and he wakes at 6am if im lucky) and feeding them as much as you can.

Mine are 3 and 6, and they're like this often too. I'm drastically cutting screens and love bombing them, all the attention I possibly can (also work full time). Early days for us but they're playing more and screaming less. Like pp, I did also have to treat for threadworms recently, which was making the youngest particularly grumpy. Apparently they don't itch the oldest, but I confirmed with a torch one night...

Honestly, it's probably a phase - school is tiring, life is tiring, nursery is tiring. You can't go wrong with as much quiet, rest, food and affection though at these ages.

This sounds tough! I think it’s completely normal for a reception aged child to be emotionally worn out by the end of the school day. It’s a lot for them to cope with, they have to hold their feelings in all day and then they see you (their safe space) and it all just comes tumbling out. And then three year olds are just three year olds - a whole hurricane of emotions 🙈.

Some suggestions:

• earlier bedtime (7pm latest here).
• snack at pick up.
• plenty of fruit and veg to ensure good nutrition (we use one of those chip and dip trays and fill each section with a different fruit/veg and have this on the table during the time between pick up and dinner - it saves all the hungry whining whilst dinner is being prepared and means they’ve eaten their veggies first!).
• limits on screen time.
• calm time for half an hour before bed (we like to read books on one of the kids beds and just chat about stuff or be a bit silly).

I find just really lowering demand helps our child. Just say hi and that I’ve missed him and then don’t speak to him unless he speaks to me and don’t make any demands for at least and hour. Just provide snacks and cuddles as needed. Seems to really help him regulate

Go outside! Children need outdoor play and they’re cooped up too much.

The fact that it’s the norm doesn’t mean it’s right. It’s the norm in the uk to send 4.5-5 year old children to school, 8.20-3.30, those in after school clubs even longer. A long day and a long week. I was shattered after mon-Friday work week and I’m an adult. They need to be on their best behaviour, following the orders in a big group of children in a very noisy environment, completely overstimulated. No wonder they act out when they’re home. And the behaviour always gets worse towards the end of the term.

mine are the same age so I fully sympathise. It’s hard. That’s why I have no activities planned during the weekend until 1pm so they can relax at home and just potter around doing what they want. It works great and they completely different during the weekends or holidays.

My 4yos are like this after nursery. I do as many have said, try and get the fed, bathed, bed quickly and have some chill time etc etc. But they definitely release from the day and they're wild. Two things I've found that often help...

1. We create a story together instead of me reading one and trying to get them to listen. So I start with 'once upon a time...' and make something up. And then we each take a turn to add to the story. We just go round and round each building on the story until they seem calm and settled and then I can say the end. They quickly calm down and get completely focused on listening and then interested in what they're saying as they part of the story. Story can become very random but it's great listening to their imagination!

1. I make a game of deep slow breathing to try and regulate them. I count us in 'One. In through your nose. Hold. Out through your mouth' etc, on repeat.

Not sure if useful but thought I'd share!

My kids are tanned right now because they’re outside so much at school / nursery. They also go out in the garden when they want.

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can really. It’s a tough age, and it will be bumpy. Just get through it as best you can!

I skipped the snacks and gave them their tea as soon as they got home - nothing fancy; scrambled egg, quick pesto pasta etc that takes minutes to prepare. Mine were really hangry after school, but snacks just curbed their appetites without giving them what they needed.

Then they’ve got plenty of time to chill, long bath, early bedtime. Nothing rushed. They hate being rushed at that that age.

One of mine (who is dyspraxic) used to magically change from an angry monster to happy chilled child after his piano lesson/practice. I used to marvel at it. Obviously this is not the case for all kids - music practice can be an absolute battle ground! But perhaps something to try.

Different strategies work for different kids.

When mine were that age I found having dinner at 4 really helped, then long bath at 5, in bed reading stories at 6 and sleep at 6.30. If ever dinner was delayed they would meltdown, even if they had a snack.