Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

I don’t feel like my kids are thriving right now

87 replies

guh · 13/05/2025 19:36

They’re 3 and 5. My 5 year old is in reception and my little one is at nursery.

there’s a lot of crying and screaming going on and I honestly don’t know what to do anymore.

they seem utterly shattered. I pick them up after nursery and school at 3 pm. I try to get them to bed by 7:30-8 pm. They get up at 7.

I am trying to feed them nutritious meals, although that’s a challenge sometimes.

what else can I do ? They just seem so frazzled, always complaining and crying and screaming. I’m not sure if I’ve just had a bad day or what, but I just don’t feel like they’re happy at the moment.

OP posts:

bge · 13/05/2025 20:38

In general, I think if they are warm and fed good food, and have clean clothes and nice beds, and go to school, and aren’t shouted at, and are kissed and cuddled - then there’s nothing you are doing wrong. It’s just a phase or tiredness at the end of the school year. This too shall pass

Daysgo · 13/05/2025 20:41

Read to them at bedtime, tell them stories, traditional stories, made up stories, anything, , sounds stupid but think it's great thing for relaxing kids...

Frankie111 · 13/05/2025 20:51

I'm thinking apart from the slightly earlier bedtime and I recommend lavender in the bath as well. Are they getting enough fluids? As the weather heating up, they probably running around as children do not having enough water perhaps then in the day then travelling in a hot car home.

TimeForABreak4 · 13/05/2025 20:54

Also agree Id bring their bedtime forward. As a mum of older children now and one an adult, you're in the trenches right now at those ages. It does get easier, its not anything you are doing wrong as a parent.

BuffaloCauliflower · 13/05/2025 20:58

All these people saying bring bedtime forward, not all kids need 12 hours of sleep. If mine were asleep at 7pm they’d be up at 5/5.30pm.

coxesorangepippin · 13/05/2025 21:04

I'd try to get them to bed earlier

At that age mine were both asleep by 7pm, max, if not earlier

They are tiny, and exhausted

WinterFoxes · 13/05/2025 21:08

I think they need to zone out for an hour after a busy day at school or nursery. that's what CBeebies is for. I'd give them a healthy snack and let them curl up and watch TV while you prep dinner and bath etc. Then play together for half an hour with lego or in the garden. Then bath, gentle story and bed.

thesurreymum · 13/05/2025 21:09

What snack are they having after school? If sugary could lead to a short high and then a crash which could impact the mood.

I try the park and then a longer walk back to the car after school. Then against the grain I give my kids iPad/tv time straight away as I feel they need a bit of time to decompress.

Then dinner and play. I find them having tv time close to bed unsettles them more.

I always find my kids are tired in the summer term, busier weekends, hotter days etc.

Good luck and I'm sure this phase will pass soon

frozendaisy · 13/05/2025 21:14

How about giving them a cool bath early in the evening almost as soon as you get home?

Sticking them in water use to change ours entirely

justmeandmyselfandi · 13/05/2025 21:46

You say they seem shattered and frazzled. Maybe this is what you need to focus on. What activities can they do to relax? Bubble baths etc? Can they play separately so they have their own space?

UrbanMonstrosity · 14/05/2025 00:22

When are they crying and screaming?

CrispieCake · 14/05/2025 17:57

I would give them an extra long bath with lots of bath toys and stuff as soon as you get them home. Then dinner afterwards, then bed.

I find kids decompress hugely in warm water but I'm always rushing bath time if I do it between dinner and bed.

Original poster

guh · 14/05/2025 18:03

They’ve had a much better day today guys ! My 3 year old was asleep by 7:30 pm, which is quite early for him.

he woke up naturally and didn’t start screaming about not wanting to go to school. He was pretty chilled. He didn’t fight or cry when getting dressed and was all ok actually.

when I picked them up, it was all a lot easier as well. They weren’t screaming at me to take them to the park / petrol station / outside. They just chilled in the car and accepted that we went home. When we got home, they both just came into the house, without messing around in the car for ages / refusing to come in. Since we’ve been inside, they were shouting a bit as they were hungry. But rather than just wanting to eat junk, they actually just ate the food I prepared.

I will try to get them to sleep by 7 tonight. I think early bed time and cutting down on sweet treats after school. Today they didn’t have any sweet stuff after school and I think it’s made a difference.

OP posts:

ColdWaterDipper · 14/05/2025 18:05

could you try putting them to bed earlier? At that age mine were having stories in bed at 6:45 and lights out at 7pm and went straight off to sleep. School and nursery are knackering for little children - we used to do something straight after (park, swimming lessons, a bike ride, dog walk etc), and then go home to chill out and play in the garden or watch cartoons if it was rainy, until an early supper time (5ish at that age) then up for a bath as soon as I’d cleared up from their supper. Sticking to a really solid routine helped when they were little as well. Do they enjoy weekends more? It’s so hard when they are tired and need to rest but also want to run around and be busy! It does get easier as they get older and can cope better with long days at school x

okydokethen · 14/05/2025 18:09

I remember when mine were 3 years old, there was a lot of crying and screaming.

definitely would suggest an earlier bedtime - 7pm and if you don’t already do at least 20 minutes reading to help with them relaxing and winding down for sleep.

StillTryingtoBuy · 14/05/2025 18:13

I would do dinner almost as soon as you get home, by 4pm. My kids get too tired to eat if they have dinner too late. Dinner early and then a decent snack before bed. Getting outside but nothing too hectic, do you have a sandpit or is there one in a park near you? Painting or using chalk outside are nice chilled activities. Dinner, chilled out time outside, bath, snack, bed.

madmeg1952 · 14/05/2025 18:15

I'm a GM to my DDs two kids and at that age their bedtime would have been nearer 6.30 (and up at similar time). Even now (13 and 11) they are in bed before 8.30 except on football/swimming nights. Tea is about 5 p.m. (dad works odd shifts so this suits him, otherwise DD and he would eat later).

It sounds like they need a calming period after school/nursery, perhaps a little snack, even a short nap if needed, then quiet time before bed.

Mischance · 14/05/2025 18:19

They are bothy out of the home and being bombarded with activities for long periods each day - it sounds as if it is all too much for them at such a young age.

Are you at work and need the child care, or can this be tweaked a bit to fit in with their needs better?

I am afraid that it is at home where they let it all out after trying so hard to behave beyond their age all day.

Meadowfinch · 14/05/2025 18:20

OP, I'd try an earlier bed time, or a wind-down time maybe story time in bed in a cool curtained bedroom. Would changing the temperature help? Open window? Fresh air sends me to sleep.

Also look at what you give them for supper. Carbs tend to make people sleepier.

auderesperare · 14/05/2025 18:24

Sounds like by asking the question and focusing on the kids you’ve fixed it yourself. Healthy snacks, earlier bedtimes and just more chill time sounds the way to go. Great to get them off the sugar and see the benefit in their behaviour. It will be benefiting their health too. Hope they got lots of praise for the great behaviour tonight. Hope you can unwind and do something nice for yourself too. Well done.

Flyswats · 14/05/2025 18:27

When my DD was 3 she was a bit challenging, she'd scream every day for about 90 minutes, randomly it seemed because I couldn't connect the cause to tiredness, hunger etc. I think it was her way of getting out the stresses of her pre-school day. I know this isn't helpful in a practical way, but I think what I'm trying to say is that this, like all things will pass. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to help both of them.

ZanyOP · 14/05/2025 18:58

My boys are the same age and in nursery or wrap around care 4 days a week meaning we say goodbye at 8am and pick up at 4:30/5. They are such long days for them and since the eldest has started school I’ve really noticed that and feel so guilty for it. The eldest is definitely getting to a point in the school year where he’s frazzled and needs a break. Unfortunately for him he will just be in holiday clubs for a chunk of summer. Urgh.
I think trying to do less is usually helpful. I find we are often rushing from place to place. “Put that twig down” “come on we’ll miss breakfast if we don’t run” “yes nice rock, but come on”. It’s exhausting for me and they must feel equally fed up of it too. Trying to do less, just means less running and pressure. They can play or dawdle or whatever at their own pace.
definitely the better weather helps with mine. I make more effort to finish early and we can play in the garden, have picnic teas and run through the sprinkler. They also really just appreciate more time with me and so trying to sit and play rather than focussing on jobs. So the time you do spend with them is quality time.
i agree with another poster though, that these things just come in phases and they tend to feed off each other and the vibe follows.
try to take some time out for a break for yourself too xx

shalamakooky · 14/05/2025 19:00

That’s a really late bedtine
mine is in bed by 6:30 after a long day like that

JuniperKeats · 14/05/2025 19:05

Maybe the reception/ nursery is not a good environment for them.
what do other parents think of the establishments?
could the problems come from there

laraitopbanana · 14/05/2025 19:22

Hi op,

mine were like that almost every time they need to not be in school anymore 😂😂
holiday/family time is their fuel and then they were fine…until too much of school and then back at screaming.

Any chance you have a little holiday soon?

Flip

1 2 3 4