To insist on DP showering before we are intimate

[GreenGreenGiant]

DP works a manual job, and can be a bit whiffy when he returns. I’ve always insisted on him showering before any intimacy which he has done without complaint. Recently, he is moaning about it and saying it kills any spontaneity as he doesn’t shower as a matter of course after work (he has one each morning). I would struggle to be intimate without him showering if I’m honest. Do you see his point of view or am I being a bit uptight?

Most people don’t find BO sexy.

I think he needs to be showering when he gets home if he stinks, whether he's having sex or not! 🤢

Can't you incorporate the shower into sexy time?

He needs hosing down in the garden.
Offering to do a "gentleman’s wash" ?
Filthy sod.

He may not have as keen a sense of smell as you do? I have a friend whose perfume is so strong it knocks me out - horrendous - and we had a chat about it, smelt different things, and it turns out she can barely smell anything! Maybe explain it to your DH that you have a more sensitive sense of smell than him and he needs to accommodate that if it’s going to work. It might help if he’s not defensive about having a wash.

That said - if he can smell perfectly well and is just being lazy, then that’s not right. I’m always happier when DH has showered first. Who wants to shag someone whose smell gives them the ick?!

My ex used to absolutely stink after work, He refused to have a shower when he got back in. it was such a turn off. It also made the duvet smell.

My DH also has a manual job and he is now used to showering as soon as he’s home. He didn’t always at first and one time I went to give him a BJ and it stunk down there! Stopped immediately! Since then it became the rule- want the possibility of sex tonight? Shower! Now it’s just normal for him regardless of whether sex is on the cards or not.

If i was sleeping in the same bed i’d expect him to have a shower regardless, why not shower when he gets in instead of the morning? That way he doesn’t have to kill the mood by showering first.

It’s gross reading all these posts about men like OPs partners. It’s also baffling as well. A shower is not an onerous thing. We have easy access to water/electric showers here. it’s not like anyone has to hike and collect water from a river or something.

I’ve lived in Asia and Africa and maybe due to the heat there it’s more part of their culture but I found the men (and women) would routinely shower if they got sweaty, up to 3 times a day. Especially the ones who did manual labour.

The public transport there would be far less smelly because everyone showered more.

I’ve found Americans to be a bit less smelly too but that probably depends on the areas you go to. I’m not sure what the rural backwaters are like as I tend to stay in the city.

But too many people here are soap dodgers. I see it all the time on threads here - people making excuses to “wash” instead of shower or claiming they don’t sweat much and only need to shower twice a week blah blah

I live up north and sometimes get on a bus or train and the smell is just 🤢 even in winter but it gets worse during the warmer months.

I also like teeth to be brushed. Don’t want to taste / smell what they’ve eaten all day especially if it’s garlic which I can’t stand 🤮🤮🤮

It takes a bloke 5 minutes, honestly if Dh did a manual job I’d expect him to get straight into the shower after work regardless.

If he didn't shower when he got home from work he would be doing another 'manual job' ....😮

Anyone who has a manual job should be showering when they get home imo, intimacy or not.

Can see why he’s your x

Maybe the problem is attaching hygiene to sex? Really a shower needs to be attached to the end of his working day in his mind, and only then should he arrive home in his mind and start seducing you!

YANBU to expect basic hygiene and a shower after a stinky job is definitely that.

Because the incident she's referring too is when he's just home....was feeling horny and wanted intimacy with his wife???

Jeez does noone just look at their partner and get turned on anymore??? Sex doesn't always take place in bed...not in my relationships anyway. It's called spontaneous fun.

OP, your husband is disgusting. 😕

So crack on having sex with your stinking husband. That’s fine if you are into that. A lot of us aren’t.

Could you join him in the shower and do a bit of foreplay beforehand? It might make it less of a "task" for him?

I hope you mean wash hand basin in the bathroom and
Not the kitchen sink.

Frankly I can't imagine spending more than 24 hrs voluntarily with these hygiene habits or lack thereof.

I definitely find it sexy.

I started dating a friend I'd known for years after getting a good whiff of his laundry basket. Something about that smell made me suddenly fancy him like mad!

Pheromones are a thing. It's not a good sign if you find your partner's sweat smell off-putting. You should always give a man a good sniff before dating him, if you ask me. It should make you want to jump on him immediately.

@Gyozas Your opinion is your own. Fun and spontaneous activity are generally what keep marriages/relarionships alive. But going by mumsnet standards it's something to be ashamed of 🙄

But her issue is his stink.

And others are discussing the fact that he moans about showering when he gets home, means irrespective of whether they have sex, he gets into bed and stinks.

Having sex on the counter is not going to fix that issue.

Also being attracted to your partner does not mean liking them when they stink of BO.

I never said it did......but if he stinks of bo he needs a different deodorant. Op didn't specifically say bo, just said stinks..... like I said my partner can get sweaty and I can tell when he's had a hard day but it's not on offputting smell. Plenty have commented on pheromones.

I think insisting on showering ruins the mood