To insist on DP showering before we are intimate

[GreenGreenGiant]

DP works a manual job, and can be a bit whiffy when he returns. I’ve always insisted on him showering before any intimacy which he has done without complaint. Recently, he is moaning about it and saying it kills any spontaneity as he doesn’t shower as a matter of course after work (he has one each morning). I would struggle to be intimate without him showering if I’m honest. Do you see his point of view or am I being a bit uptight?

So he goes into a nice bed whiffy? Yuck.

I get the spontaneity point but he should shower when he gets home then he’s ready to go any time.

Jesus that’s grim.

Yes I’d be so embarrassed at being smelly, I wouldn’t be able to relax.
On a plus note generally in my recent years of dating, I’ve noticed men are a lot cleaner plus clean shaven down there.

Honestly it’s sad reading OPs updates.

Is this how low effort (some) modern men are nowadays to the extent they can’t even shower after a day of manual labor, not even when sex is on the cards?

He would rather argue with you to accept him being a bit stinky and dangle his bits in a sink than actually shower.

It's not for him to say how he smells to you. The fact is you don't like it so instead of invalidating you he should be taking notice!

It just stinks of arrogance and that is what makes me feel bloody sick. How do you ladies cope with half these beasts, honestly?

Like you should be happy with his sweaty dick and BO pits pumping away on you.

No. It's about respect as much as the wanting to vomit response here.

Ok ill go against the grain..... I find my partner very attractive when he's still in his work gear after a day's graft....... and why is everyone mentioning getting into bed and alluding to oral i.e. sweaty groin??? Kitchen counter, hallway..... or are we all prudes now??

Mine is similar, he works late nights in hospitality and thinks it's too late to have a shower when he gets home. His feet stink , it's disgusting.
I've told him it doesn't turn me on when he smells so he needs a shower if he fancies hanky panky. (Normally I'm fast asleep so its out of the question anyway!)

It’s not about whether she finds him attractive or not in his work gear- it’s the fact he smells after a day of manual labour and that’s what puts her off.

And I don’t follow your logic, wherever they have sex, if at all, it he will still be taking his sweaty smelly self into bed at the end of the night. So yes he will be getting into bed!

I don’t think everyone is alluding to oral. I wasn’t anyway - most of us just have standards and don’t want to have any kind of sex with someone who smells and has shown a lack of consideration for us by not having a quick shower when he’s smelly.

No my point ref the bed is assuming, most normal people in a labour intensive job do shower before getting into bed. I do have standards in that sense.

If he's coming in reeking of BO he needs a better deodorant. My partner comes in sweaty sometimes but doesn't stink of BO that's the difference.

Ugh that sucks. Why is he so inconsiderate and dismissive of your comfort?

I know it’s late and all but all it would take is a quick 5 minute shower. Smelly feet are lethal 😧 I’d never subject anyone let alone a partner to my smelly feet after I came back from a hike for example.

I’m so glad I’ve never encountered men like this!

Alternatively, playing devil's advocate, maybe you're just not very compatible? It depends what he's been doing, but fresh sweat and pheromones should be an intoxicating combination when you genuinely fancy someone. I'm a big believer in only making long-term commitments to people you find irresistible in their natural state. Recently rinsed, perhaps; but artificially perfumed, plucked, waxed, dyed, no.

Surely a ‘gentleman’s wash’ only existed pre the convenience of showers?

I can well imagine a manual worker in 1925 doing such a thing, not having the luxury of a fulled fitter bathroom and electric shower, but not in 2025.

For me, the two things are separate…. He should shower as a matter of course if he gets smelly at work. He then shouldn’t necessarily need/have to shower before sex and can maybe be more spontaneous. Maybe he can ditch his morning shower and do after work ones instead if he doesn’t want to shower twice?

If we are heading up to bed knowing we’ll have sex then we will usually each jump in a shower for a sec to freshen up. However, if we’re already in bed and then spontaneously start sex we don’t halt the action for showers.

I don’t go to sleep on my kitchen counter. I sleep in my bed and would not want to get into my bed all whiffy.

It’s not fresh though! Say he’s been sweating since 10am it could be 8hr old sweat
straight out the gym - sure

I mean some of us just don’t like stinky people full stop. Also why is how you are after a full day of manual labour your “natural state”? My natural state is not my dirty state

How on earth could this be unreasonable? MAYBE if you had said that you didn't like the smell of someone living in your house or someone you work with or similar, we could say that maybe you are being too harsh. But any fucking arsehole who says that you should have sex, or "sexual relations" with someone when you do not fully and joyfully chose to do it is a rape normaliser and a rape apologist.

His pushing back on this makes him sound like he would be fine with you just giving in to sex reluctantly, rather than wanting to make you feel actually turned on.

I really hope for your sake, OP, that this is made up!

It's not hard to shower (obviously assuming physically capable to do so which he must be if in a manual labour role)! Surely he would want to shower the sweat and smell off once home regardless.

If a man wanted me to shower before having sex with me, my fanny would immediately snap shut like a bulldog clip. To me, that would just be passionless and prissy and depressing. The ‘Eww, germs, bodies are dirty and gross’ attitude is just so alien to me.

For me, sex isn’t something I want to be sanitised. If I fancy someone, I’m not going to be repelled by a bit of sweat from a day’s work - in fact, I’d find it sexy.

Had an ex like this would go days without showering but wanted sex including oral, I hated him. So glad I got rid of that dirty bastard so disrespectful

Give his knob a quick swish about in the penis beaker and job’s a good ‘un.

he needs to be showering after work if he stinks regardless of sex. No wonder supermarkets reek when you walk past some people.