To feel it’s a motherhood penalty… AIBU?

[Yudl]

Recently got a new job in which they offered 95k. Unfortunately they would not be flexible on hours despite the fact that in my current role I work after collecting dd. Instead they said they would pay me until 3:30 which means my pay is effectively cut to under 75k (and only a small pay rise from where I am). I feel annoyed as I can do the hours they need but do need to do a pick up in between. We are expected to work some evenings anyway.

AIBU to feel miffed about this? DH is sadly no longer around to help

Like you said though, they are choices.

Not everyone needs to take a years maternity leave if they can't afford it and/or don't want such a big impact on their career
Nursery fees are temporary and should be seen as a joint expense, not just something that is or isn't covered by the mothers salary
Number of children, which you already covered

etc etc

It put us off hiring them.

Existing WFH employees with kids are now required to provide monthly documentation that they are employing nursery, nanny, childminder or whatever to watch their children under 13 during the hours the employee is being paid to work. Invoices, proof of bank transfers, etc. Thanks to those who took the piss.

I don't disagree, it's far less career and life upheaval for a guy. The thing for me is that as a child free female, I've had the nastiest abuse online, apparently I'm transsexual, I'm hiding being barren, I'm Myra Hindley! Amd that's where I get frustrated, my partner and I have been together for 22 years now and neither of us felt the desire to have a child but it's the women that keyboard warriors abuse for that decision.

Absolutely, you've also got to protect yourself from claims when a parents says "my child injured themself because I was busy on a work teams meeting and couldn't watch what they were doing"! People can be ridiculous about what they think they can claim for these days.

Because you need to understand the burden to a company when you want three stints of maternity leave! They often have to take on maternity cover at the cost of an extra wage each time, then mum's come back to work and want to come down to part time hours which means you do half the work in a week you were doing before because the workload doesn't change! You won't be as reliable because you'll off when kids are sick, got appointments, can't get childcare on teacher training days etc. A childless employee then having three kids is a huge penalty to the company.

Out of the £20k extra you pay for childcare. 🤷🏼‍♀️

At your salary level, unfortunately, the business requires you until the time they set, because at your level you are an important part of the team. Also at our level, you should be delegating things such as childcare and housework to other people.

People in my job who are on £95k run entire departments with 100s of staff.

What if the other parent or grandparent was doing childcare ? Is this really true policy how could it be in-forced legally . Glad I don’t work at this organisation.

It seems like the boundaries are bit blurred by the employer expecting additional work to be done in the evenings. If it’s unacceptable for OP to complete work between 3.30 and 5 pm while also caring for a school aged child ( which is fair enough), then why would it be OK for her to parent and work at 6pm?

I get it OP. I would have suggested stopping work completely to pick up and spend time with your child, then log on for a couple of hours later.

I’m in the running for a job which pays very well, but will want me in the office every day. The compromise on flexibility I plan to ask for is to be in the office core hours (10am-4pm), then log on for another couple of hours in the evening. Mainly so I can take my DC to school, and spend time with them until bedtime. I would not suggest working with my DC (primary school age!) around and awake, so I’m not surprised your employer said no.

@Yudl split lunch break. 30 mins at lunchtime and 30 mins for school run?

This is the same with my work. I WFH but childcare for up to end of primary school age is required and evidence that I'm actually using childcare is also required.

I agree with it.

Wow what is the job? Would love to work until 3.30 for 75k

They make signed statements monthly, which are provided to the employer.

Why are you on mumsnet if you’re not a mum? This is a violation of mums rights !!

It’s really not silly. Lots of companies have removed wfh full time because of a few people taking the piss

I doubt the expectation is that she parents while working in the evening - probably more that she has childcare for those periods too. If they're paying for your time, they're not expecting to pay for you to be looking after your kid at the same time.

Lots of people have found Mumsnet as a really civilised place to discuss life! Many topics on the AIBU are from men or women of all ages & walks of life! If interacting with people that aren't parents is a violation to your rights then you have serious issues! Nobody is monster or unsafe because they haven't got kids so drop the offensive attitude please! You didn't become the only person of importance or only valid opinion because you had a kid! There's plenty of topics of discussion on here that are people without kids and the topic isn't about kids! Maybe this site isn't the place for you if you feel people without children are beneath you!

You pay for child care.... as does everyone else on much lower salaries than that

The trouble there is you are asking them to put a great deal of trust in you that when you start this arrangement, you don't struggle to stick to it and not be distracted by the kids that won't go to bed or can't sleep, TV, partner etc.
It also depends on whether you need to be available to outside clients etc in normal working hours. Other candidates for the job would have an advantage if they were able to just work the normal hours.

Employers absolutely are tightening up on WFH or bringing people back to the office as a result of things like this.

I haven't withdrawn WFH completely- as someone with a large team (around 50) - but I have swung from my initial naive assumption that I could trust people to do their work. I now do a few things to test out whether childcare is definitely in place and I make expectations very clear early on and stamp on any early signs of pisstaking.

And the award for hyperbole and excess punctuation goes to….!!!!!
Btw a violation is a breach of an agreed protocol. There is no such agreement that MN is parents only

Under 13?! There’s no provision here at high school so I don’t actually know who I’d have paid when my daughter was 11/12 (she’s s1 now and 12)

absolutely appropriate for primary ages but I think it’s a bit silly for a high school aged child. My daughter has a key and comes home after school. I work until 5 or so and pick my son up from after school club

I have plenty of friends who have children and plenty who don’t. There are clearly enough people in the world without adding some more to it - particularly ones who weren’t desperately wanted. I promise I’ve never felt anything about my child free friends and family except - at times - slight jealousy when I was really in the thick of it 😂

That sounds like something that could land your employer in a tribunal.

I trust they pay for the childcare that a 12 year old doesn’t need? There are no holiday clubs round here for over 11s.

Also, what did they do during lockdowns when there was no childcare? Sack all their staff with children, or know that their employees would do their best in extremely trying circumstances?

This happened in my team. I had a mother with a 10 year old daughter and she was taking work-from-home days to be equivalent to time off. No response to emails for hours. Someone tried to contact her at 11am and, when she answered the call, they found out that she had gone to buy groceries that morning. She arranged parent-teacher sessions during work hours or took her kid to dance class, and she was clueless as to why that was unacceptable. If OP surreptitiously nips out daily to pick up her child after 3.30pm, it will backfire sooner or later.