Four weeks ago, I met a guy in Thailand. We clicked, spent three great days together, and stayed in touch. We live a four-hour flight apart. I jokingly said he should move here, and he actually booked flights for this weekend to visit.
He deleted Tinder first, and said he felt crazy falling for a girl he hardly knows. I’m fully aware of love-bombing and kept my guard up, but did reciprocate his actions by deleting dating apps and removing men I’ve dated off social media.
Lately, I’ve noticed a shift: fewer texts, hours between replies, and some messages unread. I found he’d liked another girl’s Instagram (she was also in Thailand, but lives even further away). So I messaged him, said I was excited but concerned about the recent shift in communication, and asked for honesty.
He admitted he had cold feet, felt he'd rushed things, and was overwhelmed by the idea of relocating down the line, even though he’d joined a local bike group in my area on his own. All of these things were said in jest as opposed to this must happen. He followed by saying I deserve someone who is head over heels for me ALL the time and feels like failed me, but still wants to visit to "see if the flame is still there."
I’m frustrated I had to dig this out of him. He’s 27 and says he's just inexperienced and not good at expressing feelings, but that’s an explanation, not an excuse. He said the fact we haven’t seen each other in four weeks contributes to it, but also given the geography, distance will be part of the package initially. If I hadn’t messaged, would he have just visited, slept with me, and ghosted?
Now I’m torn. Part of me wants to cancel and make a point, not out of spite, but because I’m no longer excited and don’t want to waste emotional energy. But friends say it’s understandable he has cold feet and that I should give him a chance.
AIBU to feel like backing out now, even though I was originally excited and he’s already booked flights?