5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

No it isn't.

8 is the cut off.
But I will bring my 11 gear old in with me if it looks really dodgy, like public loos in a park.

Around 8, no sensible parent would send a 5 year old into the men’s toilets alone.

5 is fine.
I would say up to Year 3 at school, so 7 and older should be in their own gender (unless they have SN of course and need help).

Tbh I really think boys should be allowed in with their mums while in primary school. A child is less safe in the men's alone than women are unsafe with a male child in the ladies accompanying his parent.

5 is fine and equally using the disabled is fine. I’m not sure if autism is classed as a disability but your son has a definite need. How do you change his nappy in a tiny cubicle anyway?

I have a two year old son and just cant imagine sending him in to the men's on his own at 5, fully potty trained or not. He's statistically safer in the ladies with mum and the ladies in the women's restroom aren't statistically in danger from a male child accompanied by mum.

Of course it's a disability
It is however a massive spectrum .

I don't care who's next to me in a unisex space but I don't want to share female changing facilities with upper primary aged boys and I doubt the girls want to either.

Yes, ds is 8 next mo and just about happy to go off on his own if with me. Obviously if with DH, no question.
He would still come with me somewhere busy / dangerous though

This. In most primary schools KS1 have shared toilets and KS2 have gendered ones. Many girls would not want to go in the toilets if they knew boys were in there. Why would a girl who is perhaps having periods want to be in the same space as her 11 year old male classmate.

I think this is fair enough being that he has autism and, is in his own cubical.

Strange how this precise scenario was discussed in detail on 'Woman's Hour' just yesterday.

I’m shocked that a woman thought a 5 year old should be in the male toilets alone. Mine is 4 and he has been in the male loos with his dad but he struggles to reach the urinal so if he went into the male loos alone there’d be wee all over the floor and he’d get quite distressed

To be honest I wouldn’t care if a woman brought her boy into the ladies toilets at age 11! Your child, your decision. And anyway, what is a little boy going to do to me when I am locked in a cubicle or washing my hands?

Wouldn’t she be dealing with her period in a locked cubicle?

You are eminently sensible. The complainant is a fruitcake.

It wouldn't both me at all if a son was with their mother in the ladies. There would obviously be a reason for this. Everyone has there own cubicle so why would it matter at all.

Mine were all in the school year 7/8 yrs. It felt right for both my ds and dds.

8 they can go alone at 8 is the usual. I have an autistic son so was always aware of this. I never had a comment but from age 6ish I would get looks.

when he reached 8 we switched to the disabled toilet and I’ve had a couple comments about how I should not be using it. Possibly because I usually have my toddler with us too so looks like I’m just using the toilet for convenience. I wish people would consider that but all disabilities are visible my son already is mortified when he’s soiled and aware he’s different by needing me to go to the toilet with him to then come out and have someone saying we shouldn’t be in there has reduced him to tears on the way home more than once

I take my son in with me. He’s a flight risk! He’s 5!
The woman telling you he’s not allowed is full on out of order!!

Use the disabled loo.
As they now say not all disabilities are visible.
I still do this with my 10 year old ASD Grandson.
He hates the noisy hand dryers and can set him off.

How ridiculous of her. Generally up to age 9 ish is considered the socially acceptable age in the UK to continue to go into the ladies with a female parent/caregiver (although I suspect if you have a very tall 7 or 8 year old you might get some looks, though I’ve never heard any comments). But obviously many boys may insist themselves on using the gents much younger, and if there’s no male caregiver to go in with them then that is up to the female caregiver as to whether they think the boy is mature enough yet.

Basically afaik boys should be with an accompanying female adult and look pre- pubescent to be in female changing rooms or toilets. It must be difficult with older looking SN boys though, if there’s no male parent/caregiver to help 😢.

Thinking they shouldn’t be in there, let alone commenting on a 5 year old would be ridiculous, I’m sorry it happened to you OP.

As others have said, the cut off is about 8. However if you need to change his nappy, is there even room in the ladies to do this? Surely the disabled toilet would be the best bet here?

To add I think past 8 if a child is opposite sex to their adult and really needs help to use a toilet then they should use the disabled toilet. This in my opinion is enough of an impact on their life to have a right to the disabled toilet. Past 8 they should not be in the wrong sex toilets as it impacts the rights of others. Does not matter if most of us wouldn’t mind the point is we can’t consent for others and it’s the law