5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

I’d have told her to get lost, no way would I have let my son go into any toilet on his own at that age.

Things that never ever happened

It got insane a long time ago ...

Is the 5yo really tall and looks much older than they are?

But really I'd ignore the woman. I think up to about 10 is absolutely fine.
Some places I'd be more comfortable with my 8yo going into the men's alone than in others.

@LoveFridaynight the rules for schools say that separate single sex toilet facilities must be provided from age 8 so this is why age 8 is most commonly seen as the norm in other facilities . For those taking 10 year old boys into female changing rooms, please stop, really age inappropriate

I wouldn't be that comfortable sharing with a thirteen year old boy personally.

Toilets are separated by sex, then a minor needing assistance goes with the adult into the adults correct toilet. Have never seen a man taking a daughter into the women's, and I doubt men would want a grown woman waltzing past the urinals.

How strange that she felt a 5 year old boy was a threat to her. That says more about her than you! Of course it’s acceptable to take a 5 year old in the womens.

@BobbyBiscuits -

I think it does depend on circumstances. I was in a ladies’ loo when a mum brought in her teenage son - he definitely had learning difficulties, and I think we just felt sorry for her rather than feeling it was inappropriate.

8

Well my ds is 7 and I still take him into the ladies toilets, although he’s gradually starting to use the men’s when he’s with his 9 year old male cousin. 5 years old is far too young to ban him from the ladies- that woman was being ridiculous.

What grown adult would make a parent feel uncomfortable about bringing their child into the toilet. This is definitely a her problem rather than a you problem. Ignore.

Also, it's not like the child would see anything. I'd think this would be more a complaint from men where they have urinals, but it wouldn't stop my husband taking our 4 year old daughter in, what else is he supposed to do? Not take her out alone. Or walk into the women's with with her?

A 5 years should could not use mens toilet alone unless in familiar place. Most places have 8's rule so no child of 8 in opposite sex toilets/changing rooms. This seems about right to me. Some 7 year olds will look about 10 though so difficult. In changing rooms where young girls have communal changing they wouldn't want boys much.older than 5 in with them watching them change.

What was this woman afraid the child would see? Her wash and dry her hands?

I can think of far more dangers to an unsupervised 5 year old in the men’s toilet than I can to women having to share a toilet with a 5 year old! People are fucking nuts, she’d have been getting a mouthful from me.

Please don’t use the disabled WCs as a baby change if it isn’t designated as a baby change. If you are somewhere there is no space to change your baby (ladies usually WCs have plenty of room) then talk to whoever runs the place and ask where you should go. Using a disabled WC because you need the space is not ok. There are too few of these WCs already and if it isn’t designated a baby change, that means there is nowhere to put a stinky nappy so these toilets become wholly unpleasant places to be when the waste paper bin is overflowing with dirty nappies.

Disabled people fought hard for these spaces, please respect that and don’t use them unless you or your child is disabled.

At 5, to be honest, I think you should be changing his nappy in the disabled toilet for his privacy and dignity rather than in an open space in the ladies.

Otherwise, I think 8 is a reasonable cut of for loos and changing rooms. I don't think anyone thinks they're going to "do" anything, but they do start staring and it gets very uncomfortable. My daughters have complained about little boys staring at them in the family changing area at the gym (daughters are both under 10 and the boys would be under 10 too).

Well.he's five and disabled there is no.way at that age and the fact he's vulnerable due to His disabilities I would have let my son (also autistic,) go.to.the men's toilet on his own.

ignore her, i take my 7 year old boy in with me. No chance I'd let him go to the men's on his own!

You did nothing wrong. 8 is the usual age kids are expected to use the correct toilets and changing facilities. If you are both comfortable with him using the men's before then that's fine - it might depend on the location of the toilets and how clean and busy you expect them to be.

You should have told her to fuck off. This shouldn't even be up for discussion. He's a little boy for God's sake. You take your boy where you feel its comfortable and safe.

one of our best friends is a social worker and she wouldn't let her son go into public loos on his own until he was the best part of 12 or so due to her knowledge of paedophiles in the area.

Whoever made an issue out of a 5 yr old going into the ladies is a real dick

8 is usual. She was being ridiculous.

There have been a lot of threads on this recently - think people are getting twitchy about it!

The answer is 'typically' around 7-8 but my son refused earlier than that. However, in your situation you needed to be with him anyway so it's a totally moot point. You go wherever you are comfortable and feel free to say anything you like to anyone challenging you - you have plenty else to be dealing with and they can just cope with a 1 minute interaction they don't enjoy.

Agreed. It's not OK to use the female facilities.
It's under 7s for boys in our leisure centre. Over 7 and it's the family room or the mens.