5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

No, you mustn't do this because you risk upsetting kids by randomly questioning them. Ask the parent if you must, definitely talk to staff if you have a concern, but don't be harassing kids just because you think they look tall.

I've already commented that school age year group 7/8 year olds is the appropriate age to NOT be in with mum (unless has disabilities, in which case, use disabled facilities).

I've been in a changing room with a mum and her ds and his friend, who must have been 9/10 ish with my DDs aged approx. 11 and 13. The boys just sat and stared at my DDs, and me, and although I did not blame them for staring (you would at that age), I absolutely blamed the mum and complained once we'd finished changing. It's not appropriate and felt extremely uncomfortable.

I know at our leisure centre it’s 8 year olds for changing rooms so I would use same logic. Ignore her - silly woman. What difference does it bloody make - you are in a cubicle

100% true but if some person has issues & worried about creeps in men’s room AND disabled toilet is free
seems like the right choice

Settle down! At no point have I said I will do anything other than send him, age 7, on his own into the changing room. What I was doing was drawing a comparison between those who say a 10/11 yo can't go for a wee unsupervised, and local swimming pool that bars just turned 7 year olds from getting help to shower and change when they are with an opposite sex parent. NHS say children aren't developmentally ready to shower solo until 6, and some may need support until 9! I highlighted examples of what "not ready" looks like from our experience. Toileting is expected by 4 quite independently, and you really don't expect ever to step in past age of say 6. So picking the cut-off at 7 for showers 8/9/10 for the toilet is very random to me.

I would have told them to mind their own business. It has been 8 years old for a long time now.

I didn't say I'd ask the child. Of course I wouldn't do that. I'd ask the parent. Sorry if I was unclear but it never occurred to me that anyone would think I'd ask the child.

My son is ten, if I feel it’s better to come in the ladies then he does. For example at the cinema the toilets are all down long stairs and I won’t send him alone for that.

Ha. Some people are a bit wild unfortunately. Always worth checking!

Fair enough.

5 is fine, I was doing it until 10

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it and wouldn't send him in to the men's alone anyway.
I was just curious about what others thought was acceptable. I didn't engage with the woman at all. Just carried on in to the cubicle but afterwards I thought maybe using the disabled cubicle would have been the best option

Neither of you are disabled though, right? So use the main toilets. In single toilet places you can start sending him on his own so he gets used to it, and build up over a year or two.

Yes.
They often have wheelchair signs on to identify to disabled people that this is the room big enough to accommodate them.
Not just big enough but with grab bars etc etc.

The image on the door doesn’t mean anything more than these are designed to accommodate people who have different access needs.

When we design buildings we do so in accordance with Building regs and standards re number of WCs needed / capacity. The number of Accessible facilities is included within those numbers. If you don’t use the facilities provided then you’re denying provisions there for you…..for everyone.
Women often lose out because they spend longer using facilities, are more likely to have children who need support, are pregnant and can’t fit in cubicles ( I had this carrying twins) and are more likely to have incontinent issues

If there are accessible facilities just use them. They are for everyone. You have kids who need to change @aster10 theres absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and no one has a right to make you feel that way.

That woman was being v unreasonable.

No way would I send my 6 year old DS unaccompanied in to the men’s. He comes with me to the ladies or with DH to the men’s if he’s available, and if in to the ladies he comes in to my cubicle.

@YosemiteTrail24

Tell me where it states disabled toilets are for disabled people only

Ill answer for you
No where

They aren’t

I design buildings. Accessible toilets are designed to ‘accommodate’ disabled people and nothing more. Women queuing up waiting to use a toilet and leaving the disabled toilet free because disabled people think they have a right to it’s sole use are denying themselves facilities designed for them as well.
Young boys being sent into mens facilities because mum is too worried to use the accessible toilets is being forced to put her child at risk because disabled people wrongly assume accessible toilets are all there’s

They aren’t

@Yellowbluemonday

Its not 100% true

Its 100% untrue

So do you think I should have sent my 5 year old in to the men's then? I would feel incredibly uncomfortable being in the men's room with him and given his SEN it would be even more of an issue

Not your 5 year old no. But yes when he is 8 and moves from infants to juniors.

8 is still far too young imo.
Unless he’s a very big sturdy strong 8 year old.

No parent should be ashamed of protecting their child.

Obviously a 5 year old can but so can a 9 year old.

Clue is in the wording.

No it’s not!

Disabled means ‘can accommodate’ disabled.
Not
Only for

They aren’t parking spaces needing blue badges
They are for everyone…..legally.
Lets not deny women ( particularly for various reasons ) the use of all facilities there for them

But at 9 some girls are entering puberty, and may feel really uncomfortable entering a changing area with boys the same year group as them - year 4. I know my year 4 daughter does. She has a right to feel safe and comfortable too.
As others have said, the reasonable cut off is infants vs juniors - so end of year 2, or 7 years old.

I agree with this but OP is talking about toilets. With locked doors. Not changing areas.
I can’t imagine a young looking small 8 year old boy is that safe in the mens. Especially when women wouldn’t feel safe either in there.