5 year old in the ladies. Is it okay?

[LoveFridaynight]

At what age would people feel uncomfortable to have a child of the opposite sex in the "wrong" toilet?
I was told off yesterday for taking my nearly 5 year old son in to the ladies. A woman in there said he should use the men's. No-one has ever said anything like this to me before. I could understand if he was a teenager or something but a young child?
Really? On his own? At 5? Not that he could anyway as he's autistic and not toilet trained so I needed to change his nappy.
I thought afterwards I should have used the disabled toilet but I try to avoid that incase someone who can only use the disabled toilet comes along. I think I will just do this in future though.
But regardless of disability I don't think children under the age of 9 should be in the toilet on their own.
What are your thoughts on the age a child should be using the "right" toilet?

The woman's mental! My son came in with me (not in the same cubicle) until he was 11 then when he went into the men's in restaurants etc I stood outside & made it clear I was waiting e.g when he went in I would say quite loudly 'I'm just here by the door'. I did this until he was about 14! I don't give a dam if people think that made me look deranged!

I can't believe anyone has an issue with a 5 year old boy though.

No it is 8, not 11.
The 10yo girl who is starting puberty shouldn’t not have to be exposed to a boy this age when getting changed or handling period protection.

Most women are ok with boys 8-11 (late primary basically) but this is not fair on the young girls. If the boy or his parents are not comfortable with him using the men space alone they can find another solution but NOT allow him in the women space.

I would ignore her. She sounds like an idiot.

You are correct

Girls often start puberty from 9-10 they are allowed their privacy and dignity.

You may need to google when puberty begins! There were girls in my daughter’s year who started their periods at 8, and an 8 year old these days is definitely curious about bodies and how babies are made and school education reflects this . My daughters friend was sexually assaulted by a boy in her year at school when she was 7 so people are sometimes misinformed about the importance of protecting primary age kids privacy .

You could take the swim top off before the child goes to change. Washing hair “properly” and moisturising “properly” are things you can do at home .

At that point in time I presume his most pressing need was to empty his bladder, and his mum was hoping to avoid him soiling himself. As I mentioned, the disabled facility was occupied, I doubt his mum would have used the ladies toilets if another option was available. Let’s not extrapolate too much from the scenario, the mum was making the best choice she could in the moment.

I have absolutely no reservations about a 5 year old boy being in the women’s toilets. Essentially because I absolutely will not allow a boy that small and defenceless to enter any space where adult males have their penises out without me. I think the risk to a small boy in the male toilets unsupervised is equal to that of an adult male entering the women’s toilets personally…

Id pay no attention to the women, hes 5!

I have a 11 year old disabled boy, I go in the disabled toilets if there is one but if its only me and I cant use the disabled then I take him in the ladies with me.

He cant be left on his own and If I need the toilet then I need the toilet so its tough.

Accessible toilets are not just for wheelchair users.

This. Ridiculous woman.

Totally agree.
I even think just turned 8 is quite young to be responsible for getting themselves sorted completely independently.

And kids mature differently some 8yos will be fine others particularly with a friend will lark around.

Even in my local gym the disabled changing rooms are off the main changing rooms, ie you go into the ladies changing, then into the disabled. And I assume the men's is the same.

Hence I really wouldn't bat an eyelid about.a child under the age of about 10. But beyond that is seriously pushing it.

The person with the 13yo really needs to find an alternative solution.

Take him to the disabled loo if you are worried about creeps

Depends on the child. Mine is 6 and I wouldnt send him to the mens alone!! He isnt far off though, so 7, maybe 8?

Of course YANBU. A 5 yr old shouldn't be using men's public toilets alone.

disabled toilets are for disabled people. There is nothing wrong with a child accompanying their mother in the toilets.

@LoveFridaynight
I've just clocked you've said NEARLY 5, so really he's 4, WTAF!

Tell the silly bint to keep her nose out!

@Needspaceforlego I even think just turned 8 is quite young to be responsible for getting themselves sorted completely independently

It is not about him, it is about the 8-10-11yo girl who has started puberty and has a right not to have an 8+ boy in her space.

A woman in there said he should use the men's.

I would have politely told her to “fuck off”.

… as long as he is under 8.
If he is older but can’t use the men space because of a disability then he can use the disabled space.

ignore her

i can't remember really thinking about it but my sons probably started going into the men’s by themselves when 6/7 ish. But I think a bit older is ok. I’d raise my eyebrows if I saw a clearly secondary aged child.

@PoppyFleur no in that instance it’s fair enough, just having worked with parents of disabled kids, it’s not uncommon for them to not notice the child’s development means a different approach as that child gets older, society often prefers to view those with disabilities ,particularly where learning disabilities are involved, as asexual which is not the case for many people.