To stop my son from presenting as Jewish at school

[Wonderberry]

I really wish this wasn't the case.

My son wants to wear his kippah (skullcap) at school. This is entirely his choice, and something that he has chosen to start wearing recently. He just wants to express his religious and cultural background.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like he would be safe to do so. I hate that this is where we are at currently in the UK, but I know it is the reality. He goes to a community school in London, and doesn't understand why he cannot wear his kippah at school. On cultural days, he also cannot share his culture either.

Noone Is denying that anti-semiitism has been around for centuries.
And it is appalling.
But I believe it has escalated since the current Gaza conflict.
I’m not sure what is wrong with saying that?
Some people seem to be deliberately reading meaning into my posts that isn’t there.
And MN is being a bit heavy handed with the deletions.

I was in the Primark in Westfield Stratford City shopping centre a few days back and heard two women in the queue behind me ralking about a friend or family member who was going to a bat mitzvah but there was concern that she wouldn't be safe getting home by herself afterwards because it was being held in Camden Town. The women were discussing who was going to collect her. The younger one didn't understand the fear because this person they knew was usually ok getting around by herself but the older woman said, yes, she's alright in Edgware, Hampstead, and all round there.

I constantly forget how restricted life can be for British Jews. London is supposedly a "liberal" city, and we embrace diversity. Hm. To a point, I say. I live in South London in a "posh" suburb so am far removed from the plight of North London Jewish life. And London IS ghettoised. Near me there are areas populated mostly by black Africans. I work in an area populated by white Europeans, nairy a black face to be seen (unless they work for a white person). I only read about antisemitism on local news. How a capital city can be so divided and so segregated is a wonder to me. The Mayor of London is not interested in helping Jewish people, he just bleats on about acceptance without actually tackling the problem.

I don't see London's Jewish community as the mouthpiece for what happened on the 7th of October, nor any major incident in Israel and Palestine over the past 100 years. The individuals in that community have a diversity of opinion, as does any group, and blaming them for the deaths of Palestinian people thousands of miles away is wrong. They are BRITISH, and they are human beings just trying to live their lives. A boy being told by his mother not to wear anything to identify him as Jewish is utterly appalling. We should all hang our collective heads in shame.

He is allowed but just like the girls who wear headscarves it makes him a recognisable target for haters. I think as a mother you need to explain that it's your job to keep him safe and that when he is an adult he gets to make those choices but for now it's up to you.

That’s lovely. My daughter has several Muslim friends and it’s all fine - none of them have been to our home, but she’s never been to theirs either so no idea if anyone would have an issue there. I had orthodox Jewish friends growing up and they couldn’t come to my home so I know there are considerations that I might not know.

I am sure everyone is feeling it in different ways but as a minority religion the world is a scarier place than a few years ago. Though it’s never been entirely comfortable of course - every generation of my (and every) family has a story to tell.

The OP seems to agree anyway

I would also be super worried about his walk back and forth to school. The school has people watching (though no one stopped my daughter being attacked) but anything can happen on the streets.

There is an awful lot of irrelevant stuff on this thread. Let's just focus on the freedom vs safety of this one British schoolboy rather geopolitics and multiculturalism, as that's what the OP asked about.

In response to that question, I think it depends on your son's age and overall maturity.

If your ds is still very young and unable to make an assessment of the risks for himself, then absolutely, you need to do whatever you think necessary to keep him safe. You absolutely shouldn't have to stop him from expressing his Jewish identity, but it is what it is.

If he is an older teen, and old enough to fully understand the risks/mature enough to make the judgement that he wants to express his religion freely in spite of those risks, I think it's more complicated, and I'm not sure that I would want to say he can't wear his kippah - there is a fine balance between doing what you need to do to keep your child safe and respecting their rights to do things which are important to them but might make their parents anxious. I think I would have to discuss it with him carefully before reaching a conclusion.

If he’s not safe in school then I think that needs to be addressed. If however it’s the walk home that’s the problem, I’d just accompany him.

Are you serious? The rise of anti semitism in Scotland is enormous. Most of the Jewish population have left in the last 25 years because of it. Look at the flags flying over Glasgow town hall!

Could he remove the kippah for the walk to school and wear it at school? If wearing it at school is an issue with bullying then that obviously needs addressing with the school - but perhaps it's not an issue if he is keen to wear it there. If walking too and from school is where the safety concerns come in then could he just remove it for those times?

My DS lived in north London a few years ago. The Jewish schools there had a police presence at drop off and collection time.
He saw people being harassed. It was scary and not talkd about enough.

If DS isn’t truly aware of the risk then you need a serious talk with him about it. I’ve never known antisemitism as blatant and as shocking as it is now. We are back in my DPs days when my DF would only whisper the word Jewish away from home and was told to put CofE on his call up papers in the war or his life would be made hell.

The Security where I live is incredibly tight. Your DS isn’t safe wearing his yarmulke at school. . Tell him no matter what he wears, he is Jewish. it’s in DNA, in his values and beliefs and thats what is really important. Right now his safety must come first. I’m in my 60s and have never felt as on my guard, aware of my appearance, or as sad. Ive always been an atheist but sound and look very Jewish and live in a Jewish area.There’s not been a scarier time to be Jewish or Muslim. I would never wear anything that drew attention to my heritage right now.

That's topsy turvy. Antisemitism cannot be excused.

It's wrong because it's blaming people - and children - for something that isn't their responsibility

Age is irrelevant here. Appeasing extremists should not take precedence over practicing religion equally and fairly.

I’m not blaming them.
im saying it’s a consequence of events else where that they have no control over.

gaza?

The whole of Scotland doesn't live in Glasgow 🤣

Your post will get deleted for associating the rise in antisemitism- which is deplorable whatever the reason - with Gaza. Mine was.

Why is it a "consequence"? that's not acceptable. It sounds like an excuse to me.

I'm in Edinburgh and my daughter has been physically attacked at school. And yelled at in the hallway. And a few other incidents. It's not exactly limited to London as an issue.

Rightly so. You are reducing the extent of antisemitism.

The ridiculous thing in all this is that Christianity and Islam are offshoots that originated from Judaism.
Feels like most people forget the roots of those religions.

I think a lot of people are confused about what 'should' happen. Of course people 'should' be free to dress as they wish - in any number of ways including this one. But what 'will' happen is a different question and the OP needs to be ready. Either by having a safety plan, ensuring her son develops a thick skin, accompanying him if she feels safe herself, signing him up for karate (not joking though wish I was) or something else I can't think of immediately.

I know there's a point in the states where black children (especially boys) have 'the talk' with their parents. And it's not that talk. It's the one about never ever putting their hands in their pockets around a police officer and never ever climbing into a window at someone's house and all the other safety considerations that black children need to know to say safe. This is not to say it's right or 'should' happen or there's any excuse for any of it - but as parents, our priority is our own kids and keeping them as safe as possible.

Children choosing to present as Jewish in day to day life need a similar conversation - and really they always did have this. My grandmother has stories of being stoned on her way home from school and my mother wasn't allowed to join the local swim team as the country club didn't allow Jews inside and my grandmother's nursing home had a shooting and several of my father's friends died in a shooting at his synagogue and my brother's Jewish school he teaches at has armed security... these are all things that are just part of the conversation and it's important to ensure the next generation learns what they can from it.

We're Jewish, and I don't blame you for not wanting him to wear his kippah openly. If you're in a Jewish area/going to a Jewish school that is different (although my DCs went to a Jewish secondary and my DS kept his kippah in his pocket until he was on school grounds). My DD wears her magen david all the time now, which is good (at uni) and DS is also openly Jewish but doesn't outwardly have any signs of it.
I rarely wear my magen david unless going to synagogue or a Jewish function. It's quite big so would be obvious and I don't want to be a 'target'.
Agree that post-7 Oct antisemitism has massively increased and it's bound up in the 'woke' agenda so we are getting it from the liberals and the far-right now.