To stop my son from presenting as Jewish at school

[Wonderberry]

I really wish this wasn't the case.

My son wants to wear his kippah (skullcap) at school. This is entirely his choice, and something that he has chosen to start wearing recently. He just wants to express his religious and cultural background.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like he would be safe to do so. I hate that this is where we are at currently in the UK, but I know it is the reality. He goes to a community school in London, and doesn't understand why he cannot wear his kippah at school. On cultural days, he also cannot share his culture either.

I think it’s different if you’re the only one. My kids schools are 20% or so Muslim. Lots of children in headscarves, lots of children wearing crosses. But my children are the ‘only’ Jewish kids of 1200 children and that makes them infinitely more vulnerable.

when my daughter was attacked at school the boy sent his older cousins and brother after her too. She has no options like that.

obviously different in our day to day life as we aren’t religious so have the choice whether to present as Jewish or not. Very different to having no choice due to the colour of your skin - I do recognise that.

Based on what my teens show me, casual antisemitism is baked into mainstream ‘liberal’ youth social media - it’s part of the pro Palestine, trans rights, fuck the Tories etc worldview.

It’s pretty horrifying, and they are much too scared to challenge it, as it would be social death. I think OP is right to avoid her son being open about his religion, given what I’ve seen of the views of that age group.

OP, I'm sorry you're going through this.

I live in an area of a large Jewish minority and my children attend a Jewish school. We regularly have yellow ribbons cut down in town and when hostage posters first went up, I walked past ones where the Bibas children's eyes had been scratched out. We regularly get anti-Semitic graffiti spray painted all over the place. So despite living among other Jewish people, we still don't show any religious symbols outside of school. I was also considering removing my mezuzah from the door but decided that it was camouflaged well enough for it to be ok for now. I don't put up Chanukah decorations in the window anymore though.

Point is, I completely get where you're coming from. I don't have any answers for you with regards to what you should do, but I fully understand you not being comfortable with your son displaying his Jewishness.

(My family member was beaten up more than once at 13 for wearing a star of David, so I'm maybe more cautious about these things than many others!)

@Ph2028what far right? Have you got the link to any news articles?

My partner is Jewish, we have a baby girl. It’s a frightening situation

So you are saying she should tell him it’s unsafe because of Israeli war crimes? Can you hear yourself?
Leaving aside that you know nothing about the posters view of the conflict in the Middle East, though I know many Jews feel traumatized not only by October 7th but by the collective amnesia ( At best) of it, nicely illustrated in your post, ( and by the way, the anti-Semitic backlash started before before any war response by the Israeli Government), anti-Semitism is never or in any way justified and any attempts to frame it within justification, still less one that blames Jews for it, is reprehensible.

Well if he is 7 and has not seen the news he would not understand why it might put him at risk.

How old is he?

I know you're well meaning, but come on ...

WTF!? What are you talking about

I think he could be 17 and have seen lots of news and still not really understand why the things he's seeing on the news put him at risk. Because there is no logical, non-bigoted causal link between "Israeli government doing bad things" and "so don't show that you're Jewish in public in Britain.

The ban alone couldn't sort it but was a step in the right direction. I don't think the rise of antisemitism was linked to it as such ( if there was any at all btw).

Unbelievable.

You really don’t see yourself, do you?

Stop and have a think about what you posted.

We were on a mum and daughter shopping trip in central London at the start of those marches the other mum and daughter dds best friend are Jewish. It was terrifying when they all paraded down Oxford street - we went home.

On cultural days, he also cannot share his culture either

Others have put much of this awful situation better tthan I can, but an obvious question here is - if the school are quite rightly celebrating different cultures - why they're not including Judaism in this?

Properly handled it could encourage a valuable discussion about tolerance ... unless of course a significant number aren't interested in tolerance?

@Wonderberry it is a very sad state of affairs that you have to even ask this but I completely see as a Mum why you would be afraid.

What has the world come to?

Never again indeed...

I hear you @Wonderberry. In your shoes I'd explain why your son needs to keep himself safe and needs to ensure he is protected. The right of safety and potentially ultimately survival trump the right to live freely regardless of race or religion, etc.

That's precisely what my father had to do aged 8 in the late 1930s when his parents sent him to a "friend" in Hamburg, hoping to follow him swiftly. He was not placed with a Jewish family and adopted British/Christian ways despite always strongly identifying with his Jewish race rather than religion. He never saw his parents again.

The British people cannot preach tolerance in relation to some races and religions and turn a blind eye about what is happening to others.

For the record I support Israel and why it was created and recognise who it belonged to in the first place. That does not excuse atrocities on either side. The tit for tat behaviour needs to stop and there needs to be a clear and fair division of land for both parties because both are entitled to inhabit the region.

Let's never forget the displacement of the Jewish people throughout history and all work together to ensure their safety and acceptance here and elsewhere. Jesus was Jewish and the fact he was crucified doesn't mean the Jewish people should metaphorically continue to be crucified.

Shalom

the comments on this thread are really distressing. The attitudes by too many on this thread so clearly illustrate why OPs son is not safe being openly Jewish in Britain. So many here see a Jewish person and instantly go to their views on the ME, and think s/he can only be a acceptable Jew, and presumably a Jew who deserves to feel safe, if her/his views are the same as theirs.

I have rarely been so disgusted by a thread. At least on most threads, posters understand what they are saying and what their attitudes are, but I really feel too many of this thread have an extraordinary lack of insight. .

Do you not read English?

So are we requiring mass apologies and handwringing from communities in order for them to be left to live in peace?
If so let's start with Rochdale

I would add to @frozenbreadrolls post that many British Jews have been here for hundreds of years. Many from Portugal arrived in the 17th Century, many from Russia/Poland arrived in the 19th Century. They arrived because they were purged from elsewhere and over hundreds of years have put down roots and contributed to society.

Much on this thread is as misinformed as the nonsense that prevailed on the covid threads. Largely based upon misinformation, misinterpretation and group hysteria.

Yeah, you’re confused all right.

Age does matter a lot. If he’s an older teenager and choosing this - well… that’s something he gets a vote on. As a primary aged child his safety is your responsibility.

my son is 8 and has very little idea of what is going on out there. We don’t watch the news,
we don’t go into town on Saturdays as that’s when the protests are, his friends are lovely and his school is supportive. So he would genuinely be surprised to find out there was an issue.

Yes I understand that, but would be interested to know if there any other children wearing that (or indeed other religions displayed through clothing)?

I’m sorry to hear about your son’s friend not being able to come over. In case it’s at all helpful, I’m Muslim and don’t agree with this at all. At work, me and my Jewish colleagues are in the minority in our team and we bond over making sure there are vegetarian/kosher/halal options when we have team events. We remember Yom Kippur, Ramadan, Hanukkah, Eid etc and wish each other messages via Teams.

It’s almost like you’re pretending not to know that not all Jews are ultra-orthodox.