To stop my son from presenting as Jewish at school

[Wonderberry]

I really wish this wasn't the case.

My son wants to wear his kippah (skullcap) at school. This is entirely his choice, and something that he has chosen to start wearing recently. He just wants to express his religious and cultural background.

Unfortunately, I don't feel like he would be safe to do so. I hate that this is where we are at currently in the UK, but I know it is the reality. He goes to a community school in London, and doesn't understand why he cannot wear his kippah at school. On cultural days, he also cannot share his culture either.

Personally - I'd not call it "presenting" - as this to me is one of those woke words often used for young people deciding they are a cat or an alien these days, and demanding we all accommodate them...

But on an actual point - OP - I agree with you that people should not have to hide their identity, etc. However - there is also reality of modern urban life, and we live with that and teach our kids that.

So - young girls should be able to dress however they want - but we still al know that a certain type of dress in certain locations/times of day increases risks. Black youths in the US should be able to wear hoodies, but that does, sadly increase their risks... So is wearing/carrying expensive accessories, and not zipping up/watching over our bags in public places.

Religious dress - and specifically Jewish these days - unfortunately became one of these issues. It's not right, but it's reality.

My Jewish friends are being pragmatic about it - especially as a few of the kids have heard abusive comments on their Star of David necklaces, etc. - on the tube, and by being around.
A 7yo does not really understand what is happening in the world right now, or understands the long history of persecution and/or dangers. But equally - his desire to wear the kippah is not yet driven by a deep desire to demonstrate his faith/convictions - kids are quite influenced by their friends, as it seems to be his case.

I think the role of the parents are not only to encourage our kids, but also to teach them survival skills, fit for the not-ideal world we live in.

She's Jewish not Israeli. Has never been to Israel and is anti conflict. It wasn't loaded it was describing the threats she receives related directly to what was done on Oct 7.
You whataboutery is quite amazing really. This is a thread about antisemitism towards rhe smallest minority group in the world.
If there was a thread about the rascist abuse your daughter recieved I wouldn't say yes that's awful but my jewish daughter has also been abused...

Not everyone shares what viewpoint? That Israel has only existed since 1948? That's established fact. Not liking it is not the same thing as it not being true. People can refuse to accept the existence of Israel, but that doesn't make it not there. That's not an opinion.

Should schools ban students from talking about Indian or Pakistani heritage?

@CleverButScatty That is quite a political statement.

No, it's not. It's a fact. Israel was admitted as a member of the UN on 11 May 1949 (US Resolution 273) by a majority of nations.

Now, why don't you turn your ire on Iran, Russia, Saudi Arabia, China, and countless other places where other ethnic groups live in fear?

@CleverButScatty Having taught in the primary age range, children hear and pick up far more than we give them credit for.

Oh, wow, thanks for this, I'd never considered this 🙄

That argument reminds me of right wing Jews claiming Palestinians aren't a real people. You can try arguing it, but it doesn't make it true.

Eh? Keep writing your work of fiction.
I have repeatedly stated that I think he should be able to wear his Kippah to school, that it is very sad we live in a world where his mum has concerns about whether this will bring negative responses, that I think school should be supporting this with educating the other children.

I haven't seen any evidence from any posts that he is in any physical danger. This is what his mum is weighing up.

I have also said that primary schools will discourage discussion around heritage background where there is active conflict unless down so in a carefully planned PSHE perspective. This is to protect the kids but you can't keep everyone happy.

Whatever. I look forward to your next fictional installment.

@Sashya - I think I'm the one who keeps using that word and I would love to know what other one would make sense to you. Was trying to explain that people who have a specific colour of skin or other continually visible 'difference' don't get to choose when or when not to appear as whatever they are representing. Whereas for many Jewish people, it's our choice. In my day-to-day life no one would know I'm Jewish on the street unless I choose to 'present' that way with a necklace or similar. Unless my daughter chooses to talk about it, no one in her life would actually know she's Jewish - she's just another Scottish child most of the time. Was just trying to recognise my privilege here of having any sort of choice in the matter.

Well your insistence that it would be harmless for him to talk about his heritage with a country involved in active conflict with people who's heritage other kids may share, does suggest that you hadn't thought of this tbh.

Because I'm sure it wouldn't be the case the you had thought of this and didn't care.
School is not the place for adults to air their views through their children. It needs to me an emotionally safe and entirely neutral place.

Well the problem is we have no idea if he's at risk for a physical attack until it happens. So it's a question of if the OP wants to use her son as a test subject. The only thing we do know is that plenty of other Jewish children have indeed found themselves in physical harm after choosing to 'out' themselves (like my daughter, and several others here). There is also the chance that everything will be fine (like some other people experienced). We have no evidence either way and a 7 year old might not be best placed to test the theory of acceptance.

People can care about them too. It does not have to be one or the other.
I am not being pulled into another debate over the conflict when 2 seconds later you will shout how dare you bring that into a thread about a little boy who wants to wear a Kippah. We've been round that cycle about three times already.

A 7 year old who will be under adult supervision at all times?

@CleverButScatty We've been round that cycle about three times already.

Yep, you have. Enjoy your day.

Hanging around or engaging with the discussion?

They should absolutely manage the discussion of any of the issues arising from the conflict in this area so that school remains an emotionally safe and politically neutral place for them to learn. Especially when you have children from both heritages.

It's called empathy. I would welcome hearing about your experience. I wouldn't consider the fact you are from a different heritage background makes it any less relevant.

I am so so sorry that you have to even consider this. It breaks my heart. Your boy deserves to be proud of his culture.

There was a lovely, large Jewish family (presuming they were a family but perhaps not?) wearing their Kippahs and full Synagogue attire (apologies, I don’t know the name of your cultural apparel 🫣) in my local park about 2 weeks ago. They looked so nervous as they arrived but thankfully nobody so much as blinked an eyelid and it was nice to see them begin to relax and enjoy themselves after a while; But also saddening to see their fear. Was kind of eye opening to me.. Perhaps I’m sounding naïve but for context, there isn’t really a Jewish community in my town so I’d never witnessed first hand that level of fear. I was at the next picnic table with DD.

I realise antisemitism is a worldwide issue but just as a nation, we’ve got some serious problems we need to fix. Fast.

I really hope your boy is able to celebrate his culture at school without prejudice.

Where on earth did I say she was Israeli?

It's called whataboutery look it up

Ok sorry. It is only awful when it happens to Jewish people and only Jewish people can empathise with you.
Is that better?

Omg I have just spotted your username. Please tell me you are not an NHS GP?

I was just referring to the title. The way young people use this word these days is often, related to be using dress to communicate some concept or idea of who they want the word to perceive them as vs who they actually are....

OP's son is Jewish. Whether he wears his kippah or not. He does not need to "present" anything. Wearing religious symbol a choice, as it doesn't make him any less of a part of his religious community. (unless we are talking about ultra-Orthodox, etc)

So my point was that one can chose to make a statement - realising that it might put one in harms way - (and that is not only limited to religious symbols) - or be pragmatic about it. Most of my Jewish friends chose the pragmatic approach.

Not saying it's right, but I don't think a 7yo is old enough to make that choice.

Yeah i don't think that's true. I don't think someone who is 1/16th Cherokee has much authority to speak on indigenous Americans. And of course, there are people who are both Jewish and are ethnically descended from Israel and the surrounding land.

As someone with a wealth if experience in schools, I can tell you they categorically would have taken the same approach.
The priority is that school remains an emotionally safe and neutral place for all.

Since Oct 7th 2023 I probably would not walk my son to school wearing a kippah, if I were Jewish.

Would I drive him to school wearing a kippah - I would like to think I was brave enough but still would be aware of / concerned for his safety.

Would I allow him to wear the kippah in school, yes I would like to think I would.

Pretty much all Jews (unless descended from converts on both sides) are descended from people who were mostly (a tiny presence remained) forcibly removed and exiled from the land of Israel.

I am descended from someone who lived in Israel prior to 1948, hence they are described on their birth certificate as Palestinian.