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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 04:59

Neemie · 13/05/2025 18:14

The behaviour of the woman in front was far worse than your child’s and she is an adult.

Seat kicking is really annoying though. At nearly 4yrs old, it is easy to explain this to a child. I am slightly surprised your daughter carried on after the woman had a go. Most children would have been a bit scared of that.

Well DD wasn’t doing it on purpose, neither before or after the lady swore at her. That’s probably why it made her cry more

OP posts:
pollyglot · 14/05/2025 05:04

FairPlayer274 · Today 04:37

Hoppinggreen · 12/05/2025 18:02
If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

Well its good that you admit it at least. If your NT 4 year old can't wait briefly for a drink then you have a problem with behavior and if you reaction to her behaviour is to justify it and blame others then you will have an even worse problem

TBF, I suspect she has ADHD like me, but they won’t diagnose children under 4 yo

((Sigh...)) WAINS...(Why am I ...)

beachcitygirl · 14/05/2025 05:08

4 year olds are almost school level. Stop babying them & introduce consequences. Jeezo - poor poor passengers, future teachers etc. nightmare

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 05:21

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 11:31

This is absolute and utter bullshit.

I am a 5’ tall woman with short legs, the seat edges have always stopped at an awkward place under my calves that makes it difficult to bend my legs naturally.

Yes somehow since my very first flight in 1973 I have managed on hundreds of aircraft to never kick the seat in front of me.

It is not inevitable. If it happens it’s due to abysmally lazy parenting.

And frankly it should disqualify people from flying if they really can’t conduct themselves properly.

I feel like you have to be like 4’ even for that to happen as an adult. Or have abnormally shirt femurs, perhaps. Like I think if DD was about 6-8” taller, she could have bent her legs

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 05:26

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 11:32

Plus, quite frankly, I think there’s probably quite a bit of exaggeration going on regarding the behaviour of the other passenger.

I wish

OP posts:
FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 05:30

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 13:27

Why did you not swap seats with your DD?

We we’re supposed to remain seated while the plane was taxiing, taking off, and in the air until the seatbelt signs shut off.

OP posts:
pollyglot · 14/05/2025 05:34

FairPlayer274 · Today 05:26

TheHerboriste · Yesterday 11:32
Plus, quite frankly, I think there’s probably quite a bit of exaggeration going on regarding the behaviour of the other passenger.

I wish

In my vast experience of flying all over the world and in/to/from probably 50+ countries, I have seen this sort of thing a handful of times. Except that it never involved that degree of verbal violence. FAs are extremely tuned in to this sort of thing and there is zero tolerance of abuse or swearing. Of course, it could be that America is exceptional. And possibly is, in terms of entitlement.

Anything to justify your own inadequacies and the appalling results thereof. Grow up before you ruin your child's life.

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 05:52

Just1712 · 12/05/2025 23:15

My kids are well travelled and would never have been allowed to go on like your child on a plane. I told them when they were very little anyone who misbehaved on a plane got a parachute!!!
#sorted!!
I remember my son asking me when a kid was kicking off if they would be leaving via the parachute 🤣🤣

Knowing mine, she’d be like “Really?!” And start jackhammering that seat like it owed her money, because she would think parachuting is fun and exciting lol

She continually surprises me within things like that. You know how some parents count down and if the child doesn’t listen, they issue a consequence? Mine listens when I count down because she sees it as a race/beat-the-clock sort of game. I was so confused the first time I counted down and she started celebrating afterwards, when she had “won.”

OP posts:
1SillySossij · 14/05/2025 05:58

Onethingafteran0ther · 12/05/2025 16:53

My firstborn is ND and flying is a nightmare because they fidget, have sensory issues etc.
People lose their patience on aeroplanes. Everyone just needs to chill out! Yanbu op xx

Maybe the other passenger had sensory issues too?

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 05:58

pollyglot · 14/05/2025 05:34

FairPlayer274 · Today 05:26

TheHerboriste · Yesterday 11:32
Plus, quite frankly, I think there’s probably quite a bit of exaggeration going on regarding the behaviour of the other passenger.

I wish

In my vast experience of flying all over the world and in/to/from probably 50+ countries, I have seen this sort of thing a handful of times. Except that it never involved that degree of verbal violence. FAs are extremely tuned in to this sort of thing and there is zero tolerance of abuse or swearing. Of course, it could be that America is exceptional. And possibly is, in terms of entitlement.

Anything to justify your own inadequacies and the appalling results thereof. Grow up before you ruin your child's life.

Part of the reason why I didn’t react to her was because I was expecting the FAs to intervene, and even possibly remove her (she also called one FA a “stupid bitch” because she instructed her to open the window shade for take off. But I guess they were just trying to get the plane off the ground, after it had already been delayed by waiting for one of the FAs to get there, and having to roll back out the walkway, boarding bridge thingy after some passenger started having a medical emergency just after everyone had finished boarding…

OP posts:
Manypets · 14/05/2025 06:04

I think you have to accept a draw. The woman in front, on a bigger plane would have been a recliner probably..which is always annoying. Your lass was unintentionally kicking her space. They were never going to be bff. She doesnt sound tolerant but she foesnt have to be.

Even at 9, my son got eyeballed by fellow passengers on a flight last week. He was good as gold, but the babies cried like they do. To be expected on a 10pm flight.

I was telling him how when he was a baby we were doing the same route and I had a cough. One of the retired elders refused to
sit next to me. Caused a right scene. Taxiing whilst demanding a different seat. Air hostess told
him to "sit down now he would be deplaned". Eastjet..not likely to be doing that m, hardly quantas.

People think they own the space they bought but we are all the mercy of each other. A very kind lady swapped seats with him
and sat next to my husband whilst I moved to the window to protect everyone once airborne.

arcticpandas · 14/05/2025 06:09

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 05:52

Knowing mine, she’d be like “Really?!” And start jackhammering that seat like it owed her money, because she would think parachuting is fun and exciting lol

She continually surprises me within things like that. You know how some parents count down and if the child doesn’t listen, they issue a consequence? Mine listens when I count down because she sees it as a race/beat-the-clock sort of game. I was so confused the first time I counted down and she started celebrating afterwards, when she had “won.”

She will "continually surprise" you but continually annoy people around you since you seem to have no control of her behaviour. I've got an autistic child and when I have tried EVERYTHING I move on to physically restraining him from kicking the seat infront of him. Why didn't you?

nomas · 14/05/2025 06:13

Just1712 · 12/05/2025 23:15

My kids are well travelled and would never have been allowed to go on like your child on a plane. I told them when they were very little anyone who misbehaved on a plane got a parachute!!!
#sorted!!
I remember my son asking me when a kid was kicking off if they would be leaving via the parachute 🤣🤣

Can’t believe you”re actually about your kids being well travelled. Racking up the miles and environmental damage is nothing to brag about.

Cognacsoft · 14/05/2025 06:21

@Manypets tbf I panic if I’m on a plane and someone is coughing. I’m immunocompromised and any infection means a month of being really ill.
However I wear a mask and I think I would be honest with the FA about my illness.
Been to visit dgc 3 weeks ago, currently on antibiotics for bacterial infection.

@FairPlayer274 enjoy your trip, ignore the perfect parents. I’ve been kicked by dc on a flight before, I prefer it to alcohol fuelled obnoxious adults, they terrify me.

My dd aged 4 sat with me behind a row of 3 men one of whom obviously had a flatulence problem.
Dd. Mummy, I can smell wind. Can you smell wind? ‘
Me shushing dd.
Dd persistent. ‘ But I can smell wind Mummy. I can smell wind.’
Why do dc talk so loudly on these occasions? 😂

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 06:23

arcticpandas · 14/05/2025 06:09

She will "continually surprise" you but continually annoy people around you since you seem to have no control of her behaviour. I've got an autistic child and when I have tried EVERYTHING I move on to physically restraining him from kicking the seat infront of him. Why didn't you?

By “continually surprise me” I mean “reacts/behaves in a way I wasn’t expecting.” So I’m not exactly following what you mean in your first sentence.

Surely if I had to physically hold her in an uncomfortable position (cross legged or with her knees basically tucked to her chest) until the seatbelt sign shut off, she would have cried a lot more

OP posts:
Jumpers4goalposts · 14/05/2025 06:26

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 04:28

Yes. The plane wasn’t small, just the rows, because they jammed as many as they could in there

Surely this pic shows that her feet aren’t touching the seat in front? Which would suggest she is purposefully doing it?

Cognacsoft · 14/05/2025 06:29

nomas · 14/05/2025 06:13

Can’t believe you”re actually about your kids being well travelled. Racking up the miles and environmental damage is nothing to brag about.

As my elderly dm always says when only the rich can do something it’s fine but as soon as us lowly classes have access to such luxuries it’s wrong and should be priced out of our reach again so only the wealthy can afford it.
I intend to carry on flying to see my dc as long as I can manage it.

Perhaps @nomas you should suggest the UK government follow France. If an internal journey can be taken in under 2.5 hours by train then no internal flight is allowed. But then the UK would have to improve the trains.

Manypets · 14/05/2025 06:29

Manypets · 14/05/2025 06:04

I think you have to accept a draw. The woman in front, on a bigger plane would have been a recliner probably..which is always annoying. Your lass was unintentionally kicking her space. They were never going to be bff. She doesnt sound tolerant but she foesnt have to be.

Even at 9, my son got eyeballed by fellow passengers on a flight last week. He was good as gold, but the babies cried like they do. To be expected on a 10pm flight.

I was telling him how when he was a baby we were doing the same route and I had a cough. One of the retired elders refused to
sit next to me. Caused a right scene. Taxiing whilst demanding a different seat. Air hostess told
him to "sit down now he would be deplaned". Eastjet..not likely to be doing that m, hardly quantas.

People think they own the space they bought but we are all the mercy of each other. A very kind lady swapped seats with him
and sat next to my husband whilst I moved to the window to protect everyone once airborne.

Was a bad cough, dont blame him
at all. We had it all set up
so I was the furthest away, by the window and he was on the end with the boy and husband in the
middle..but that wasn't enough for him. I vaguely recall him asking for me to be kicked off.

It was precovid, most of us didnt
about masks. He was a rude old boy, but we are all thrown together at the mercy of the airline gods. Hey ho.

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 06:30

Jumpers4goalposts · 14/05/2025 06:26

Surely this pic shows that her feet aren’t touching the seat in front? Which would suggest she is purposefully doing it?

They’re a couple centimeters from the seat. It made it so it took very little movement for them to touch the seatback of WIFOU. DD would have had to have sat very still to not “kick” the seat. I’ve never seen her still except for when she’s asleep, and even then sometimes she thrashes.

OP posts:
Cognacsoft · 14/05/2025 06:31

@Manypets kicked off!
That was an extreme request.

Manypets · 14/05/2025 06:33

Cognacsoft · 14/05/2025 06:31

@Manypets kicked off!
That was an extreme request.

He had two hopes of that.

He was shouting that I shouldnt have been allowed to travel.

Easyjet lady shut him up quite quickly.

HelplessSoul · 14/05/2025 06:35

nomas · 14/05/2025 06:13

Can’t believe you”re actually about your kids being well travelled. Racking up the miles and environmental damage is nothing to brag about.

Aviation accounts for approx 2-3 percent of all global CO2 emissions.

Other transport like road/rail/trucks/buses account for around 24%.

So if you want to bleat on about environmental damage, suggest you point your finger elsewhere.

🙄🤦‍♂️

nomas · 14/05/2025 06:39

HelplessSoul · 14/05/2025 06:35

Aviation accounts for approx 2-3 percent of all global CO2 emissions.

Other transport like road/rail/trucks/buses account for around 24%.

So if you want to bleat on about environmental damage, suggest you point your finger elsewhere.

🙄🤦‍♂️

You can point your suggestions elsewhere. Are you another who brags about how much you fly? No one cares.

arcticpandas · 14/05/2025 06:40

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 06:23

By “continually surprise me” I mean “reacts/behaves in a way I wasn’t expecting.” So I’m not exactly following what you mean in your first sentence.

Surely if I had to physically hold her in an uncomfortable position (cross legged or with her knees basically tucked to her chest) until the seatbelt sign shut off, she would have cried a lot more

So she would have cried more. It's not an assault preventing your child from hurting others. Luckily for her she will be taught how to behave in school because clearly you will remain passive whatever she does.

SnakesAndArrows · 14/05/2025 06:42

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 06:30

They’re a couple centimeters from the seat. It made it so it took very little movement for them to touch the seatback of WIFOU. DD would have had to have sat very still to not “kick” the seat. I’ve never seen her still except for when she’s asleep, and even then sometimes she thrashes.

But she was wearing her seat belt, so couldn’t have slipped further forwards, so could not have been touching the seat.

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