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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 21:13

Mayana1 · 13/05/2025 21:04

Do you think they do it on purpose?

This. Of course it’s annoying when you’re being kicked, but I’ve been in this situation and turned around and smiled at the parent when they apologised, because I could tell they were doing the best they could and were stressed out by it. It made me feel 99% less annoyed by the kicking.

If the parent wasn’t trying to do anything at all, then of course, yes it’s really annoying. Having said that, though, swearing and threatening the child and mother in question makes the person the arsehole in the situation, regardless.

Mayana1 · 13/05/2025 21:19

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

I didn't even bother to read all the shi* responses you got.
I think you are absolutely not being unreasonable. But outside world it tough and some people really hate children and don't understand. I have a 3 year old who is not still for a sec. We are flying out in 2 days, but it will be only 2hrs flight and during the day, so I don't expect much problems, plus he loves aircrafts as we live near Heathrow.
He is quite tall though and I know he will either kick or shake the table sometimes. It's ridiculous how people here are comenting we are not parenting well. Like children are doing that on purpose. Those who are perfect parents, I applaud you. But just to tell you, plenty of perfect managed kids becomes very nasty people so...

Miracle1116 · 13/05/2025 21:40

Iceandfire92 · 13/05/2025 20:22

Was it a necessary flight that you had to take with your 2 year old or was it just a holiday that he will never remember? The people were probably silently cursing you and wanted to be left alone in peace. Why do you think your desire to take your child on holiday who cannot behave on a flight trumps the peaceful enjoyment of others?

Edited
Good Night GIF

Would you ask an adult who got on a plane drunk, or had a raw, made a racist remark, bullied other passengers or crew was it a necessary flight? Or you're saving those high standards only for 2 year olds? There is no additional fee for not remembering your flight because you were too young or for annoying other passangers so the 2 y old has a payed seat and all the same rights as everyone else in that plane. Who are you to decide if someone remembers their holiday at certain age? My children do, especially it represents a change in daily routine, new experiences and so. I myself remember snippets of my trips abroad at that age, many of them. OP, no one emphasized enough how much this lady's behaivour was out of the line as well. I would Def give her a word or two for talking to my child like that, instead of approaching me. Don't stress and ignore my perfect record travelling with my perfectly behaving child comments

TheEveningSun · 13/05/2025 21:55

I was on the flight once with my then 4 yo who had exactly the same problem with his legs straight on the seat. Before we took off he stretched and pushed the seat in front of him, I saw it and instantly was going to tell him to be careful not to push the seat in front of him but the B in front turned back straight away and told me to tell my child not to kick her seat 🙄 she didn’t even give me a chance to say something to my son who is a perfect traveller. I was obviously on the edge the whole flight watching his feet like a hawk and moved him slightly down so his legs were hanging. He didn’t do it again and the B at the front spilt coke on her white trousers (not my son’s fault) she got up pissed off swearing loud enough for my kids to hear. I tried hard to hide my satisfaction . Some people just love to hate children on the plane and assume straight away they’d be trouble 🙄

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 22:03

Mayana1 · 13/05/2025 21:04

Do you think they do it on purpose?

Who cares ? Their parents either need to be capable of controlling them, or stay home. Not inflicting kicking, whining, crying kids on the public for their own selfish reasons.

Tortycatlover · 13/05/2025 22:05

I’m sorry the woman in front was continually swearing - not nice at all!
Being able to sit still is a developmental thing and many 4 yr olds can whilst some can’t. It’s like sitting still on the carpet at nursery / school. Most reach that stage in reception and a few can’t achieve it by secondary school. I wouldn’t take mine on a flight if they were so fidgety ad torture for them and inconsiderate to other passengers. A holiday not so far from home is more appropriate for now.

Mayana1 · 13/05/2025 22:21

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 22:03

Who cares ? Their parents either need to be capable of controlling them, or stay home. Not inflicting kicking, whining, crying kids on the public for their own selfish reasons.

Ok, so tell all adults who gets drunk on the aircrafts or who are having an arguments anywhere in public, that nobody cares and they should get lost and stay at home. I'm sure you at least did something in public when people should just tell you to shut up and stay home. As per how you comment you don't sound like a pleasant person. Hope your children behave better than you.

Mayana1 · 13/05/2025 22:23

Ilikeadrink14 · 13/05/2025 01:11

Why? If the child needed an upgraded seat, the parents should have paid the extra. Why should it be a free upgrade?

Because they did not deserve to be treated like this. Is humanity really dead?

kittenkipping · 13/05/2025 22:25

Whilst I agree that a nearly 4yr old child should listen to their parents- especially in a short space of time- the taxiing and the takeoff- after which she could be draped over your lap? I do think wifou was impossibly rude. I recently travelled on a mega bus with my daughter and the single man who had both seats behind us seemed to delight in finding as many ways to kick us as he could. Trying to curl in a ball, putting his knees up on my back, shifting and moving and being entirely inconsiderate. I was infuriated. But said nothing. And I BET wifou would have said nothing if the culprit was a deliberately rude man. A disobedient and foolish child is an easy target despite their actions having no malice. Sometimes we have to be understanding and the truth of the matter is you PAY for the comfort of uninconvenient travel. The rest of us lump it and appreciate that as much as the kids behind us/ the cackling hen do/ the drunks alongside us/ the person who doesn’t use headphones/ any other travellers, annoy us- so too do we annoy others in ways we don’t know (and probably don’t care about!)

Panterusblackish · 13/05/2025 22:34

The passengers in front of you were unnecessarily antagonistic and aggressive and the flight attendant should have addressed their swearing.

That said, modern recaro aeroplane seats are not cheap, but they are designed to be thin so that more rows can be fitted in. So having the back constantly knocked is absolutely going to wind someone up.

You do need to able to control a child's behaviour if they are going to fly. It's not for other passengers to have to bear poor behaviour from children or from adults.

I chose not to fly with my son until he was older for just this reason and I know .multiple people who did the same. It might be worth considering.

SparklyLeader · 13/05/2025 22:43

Why didn't you change seats with your daughter?

Muckybib · 13/05/2025 22:43

She sounds like a bitch! Don't worry about it most people are pleasant and understanding x

Equalrightsforall · 13/05/2025 22:49

I do sympathise but this is exactly why I didn’t do long haul flights when my child was this young. That is an option also, just to recognise maybe it’s too much for a child that young.
swearing is out of order but so is repeated kicking. I don’t know why flights can’t group families together, surely that would help a little? Hope your journey back is better.

JohnnysMama · 13/05/2025 23:34

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:34

Well yes, at nearly 4. Children and grandchild.

All children are different, some are able and some not to sit still. Want peace and quiet without little ones kicking and crying - upgrade! Children are the same citizens as anyone who is annoyed with them. In such situations parents already have it difficult to manage, the last thing they need is a frustrated and entitled women and men adding the fuel to already stressful situation.

Farewellpeggy · 13/05/2025 23:43

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Mine did, yes. Definitely by the age of 3/4 - they understood that other people should not be kicked/disturbed/annoyed. They also would not have cried for a drink.

TheHerboriste · 14/05/2025 00:05

Mayana1 · 13/05/2025 22:23

Because they did not deserve to be treated like this. Is humanity really dead?

They are the ones who caused all the problems!! You think that “deserves” a free upgrade?

bumblebee1987 · 14/05/2025 00:22

I'd much rather be on a flight with 200 4 year olds kicking my seat than even one of the intolerable, sanctimonious people who have commented on this thread. It is mental to suggest that children should only fly when it is necessary or they can remember it, who cares if they can't remember it, do we lock kids in boxes until they are old enough to remember the things we do for/with them?! No, we don't because WE have memories and enjoy doing nice things with them, and they enjoy things in the moment, even if they don't have long term memories.

This thread is utterly bizarre. How anyone is condoning this vile womans actions, swearing and threatening a not even four year old, is madness. Plus, for someone who reacts to the extreme like that, do you not think it entirely possible that maybe the little girl wasn't actually being that annoying at all, and that in reality, the woman in front was completely unhinged? The evidence is in the way she repeatedly spoke to/about a small child.

Emonade · 14/05/2025 00:52

bumblebee1987 · 14/05/2025 00:22

I'd much rather be on a flight with 200 4 year olds kicking my seat than even one of the intolerable, sanctimonious people who have commented on this thread. It is mental to suggest that children should only fly when it is necessary or they can remember it, who cares if they can't remember it, do we lock kids in boxes until they are old enough to remember the things we do for/with them?! No, we don't because WE have memories and enjoy doing nice things with them, and they enjoy things in the moment, even if they don't have long term memories.

This thread is utterly bizarre. How anyone is condoning this vile womans actions, swearing and threatening a not even four year old, is madness. Plus, for someone who reacts to the extreme like that, do you not think it entirely possible that maybe the little girl wasn't actually being that annoying at all, and that in reality, the woman in front was completely unhinged? The evidence is in the way she repeatedly spoke to/about a small child.

This!

bumblebee1987 · 14/05/2025 00:55

Emonade · 14/05/2025 00:52

This!

Thank you! These comments are making me feel as though I'm in some sort of parallel universe! So odd!!

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 04:28

AgnesX · 12/05/2025 17:49

It must have been an amazingly small plane that a 4 year olds feet were touching the seat in front and so small that she couldn't get comfortable...

Was this some mega cheap American airline?

Yes. The plane wasn’t small, just the rows, because they jammed as many as they could in there

Airplane drama!
OP posts:
StartEngineStop · 14/05/2025 04:37

bumblebee1987 · 14/05/2025 00:55

Thank you! These comments are making me feel as though I'm in some sort of parallel universe! So odd!!

Totally agree. People on here are awful. You just know if the post had been from the perspective of the woman sat in front: ‘WIBU to aggressively kick off at the mother and child behind me and demand an upgrade? I don’t think mothers with young children should be allowed to fly’ then the same posters would be tearing her apart. They’re just getting a kick out of it because they don’t get them in real life.

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 04:37

Hoppinggreen · 12/05/2025 18:02

If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

Well its good that you admit it at least. If your NT 4 year old can't wait briefly for a drink then you have a problem with behavior and if you reaction to her behaviour is to justify it and blame others then you will have an even worse problem

TBF, I suspect she has ADHD like me, but they won’t diagnose children under 4 yo

OP posts:
StartEngineStop · 14/05/2025 04:37

FairPlayer274 · 14/05/2025 04:37

TBF, I suspect she has ADHD like me, but they won’t diagnose children under 4 yo

You’re not doing anything wrong, ignore them.

StartEngineStop · 14/05/2025 04:43

Dweetfidilove · 13/05/2025 18:24

The only thing worse than poorly-behaved children, are wet parents. I wouldn't have spoken to you either, as you're incapable of getting your child to follow simple instructions.
Poor woman ☹️.

Well that would have been a small mercy, anyway.

StartEngineStop · 14/05/2025 04:45

Farewellpeggy · 13/05/2025 23:43

Mine did, yes. Definitely by the age of 3/4 - they understood that other people should not be kicked/disturbed/annoyed. They also would not have cried for a drink.

Oh, brava! Just incase you haven’t been complimented on your stellar parenting today, perhaps an OBE is in order 😆