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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
thisisfrommathilda · 13/05/2025 18:08

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 16:41

We have another perfect parent over here, everyone! Form an orderly queue with your adoring questions!

Get a grip. There is no way on earth I would allow my child to repeatedly kick the chair in front of them. There is NO excuse for that.

Neemie · 13/05/2025 18:14

The behaviour of the woman in front was far worse than your child’s and she is an adult.

Seat kicking is really annoying though. At nearly 4yrs old, it is easy to explain this to a child. I am slightly surprised your daughter carried on after the woman had a go. Most children would have been a bit scared of that.

bumblebee1987 · 13/05/2025 18:16

Jesus christ, the replies here 🙄 The plane hadn't even taken off before this vile woman started swearing and threatening a small child and just generally being a sorry excuse for a human. She was clearly looking for an upgrade and the OP was her victim. I am utterly flabbergasted at the lack of empathy shown by the replies here, a bit of tolerance and compassion goes a long way. She hadn't been kicking the seat for two hours, they had just boarded and the woman didn't even show an ounce of patience the first couple of times she 'asked' for it to stop. Kids are allowed to share public spaces with adults and it is a well known fact that kids aren't always as reasonable or well behaved as adults. I am a very passive, non-confrontational person, but if anyone dared to speak to/about my child like that, I'd be more than pissed.

Sorry, OP, you seem to have stumbled upon the perfect parent brigade. In the real world it is totally unacceptable for a fully grown adult to behave like that in front of a small child, regardless of what that child has done.

JG4 · 13/05/2025 18:18

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

By making her stop. You are the parent, you make the rules, a 4 year old is plenty old enough to understand when you say ‘ stop doing that ‘.

Emonade · 13/05/2025 18:21

bumblebee1987 · 13/05/2025 18:16

Jesus christ, the replies here 🙄 The plane hadn't even taken off before this vile woman started swearing and threatening a small child and just generally being a sorry excuse for a human. She was clearly looking for an upgrade and the OP was her victim. I am utterly flabbergasted at the lack of empathy shown by the replies here, a bit of tolerance and compassion goes a long way. She hadn't been kicking the seat for two hours, they had just boarded and the woman didn't even show an ounce of patience the first couple of times she 'asked' for it to stop. Kids are allowed to share public spaces with adults and it is a well known fact that kids aren't always as reasonable or well behaved as adults. I am a very passive, non-confrontational person, but if anyone dared to speak to/about my child like that, I'd be more than pissed.

Sorry, OP, you seem to have stumbled upon the perfect parent brigade. In the real world it is totally unacceptable for a fully grown adult to behave like that in front of a small child, regardless of what that child has done.

This!! Also I don’t think the little girl was kicking the seat she was just wriggling and occasionally getting it with her foot, the woman in front was unhinged and if that was me I would’ve lost my shit at her shouting at and about my child, regardless of what the child has done it is not okay. If she’s so sensitive and in so much pain or whatever else people have suggested she should’ve booked business, why should the OP not go on holiday or be berated for like half an hour of struggling!

Neemie · 13/05/2025 18:22

SavageTomato · 13/05/2025 15:53

I must have missed the part of universal human rights where international travel is a must have for small children who won't even remember the holiday. You wanted the trip, this has nothing to do with your child needing the holiday. Butlins would be fine, but nooo, mummy needs a flight to california. So sod the other passengers, it's not really kicking and invading their space, that they paid for. The level of entitlement here is shocking.

I hate to break it to you but I’m not sure your entitlement to international travel with a quiet cabin is a universal human right either. I don’t think they got the memo on including things that piss of @SavageTomato

blubbyblub · 13/05/2025 18:23

rookiemere · 12/05/2025 16:37

It sounds like you were just very unlucky with who was sat in front of you.

I would hate to have my seat repeatedly kicked, but from your description it doesn’t sound like that’s what was happening. I try not to get irked at children crying or tantruming on a journey as I have been there myself, the other thing you could have tried was having DD swap seats as it sounds like the woman was unhinged but her DP less so.

It sounds like the child WAS kicking the seat in front as the OP doesn’t deny it and says she was trying. She also asks other posters how they stopped their dc from kicking the seats.

Dweetfidilove · 13/05/2025 18:24

The only thing worse than poorly-behaved children, are wet parents. I wouldn't have spoken to you either, as you're incapable of getting your child to follow simple instructions.
Poor woman ☹️.

OCDmama · 13/05/2025 18:26

The only thing you were unreasonable about was letting that woman speak like that about your daughter without challenge.

You should have got the FA involved for use of threatening and vile language.

Duechristmas · 13/05/2025 18:30

You should've switched places with her.

bumblebee1987 · 13/05/2025 18:30

Emonade · 13/05/2025 18:21

This!! Also I don’t think the little girl was kicking the seat she was just wriggling and occasionally getting it with her foot, the woman in front was unhinged and if that was me I would’ve lost my shit at her shouting at and about my child, regardless of what the child has done it is not okay. If she’s so sensitive and in so much pain or whatever else people have suggested she should’ve booked business, why should the OP not go on holiday or be berated for like half an hour of struggling!

Right?! They hadn't even taken off yet, she hadn't endured it for ages and was at her wits end. All of these pathetic 'poor woman' type comments, get a grip! The child had just got on the plane, hadn't settled yet and probably just accidentally knocked the seat a few times while getting comfortable, I highly doubt the OP was letting her kick the seat like it was a bloody football. There is certainly no excuse to talk like that to a child, ever.

blubbyblub · 13/05/2025 18:31

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP you said that even after takeoff you couldn’t get her sitting in a more comfy position. 4 year olds are bendy. Does she not sit with her legs beneath her. Sit cross legged? Sit sideways so her feet are angled towards you or angled the other way with her shoulders near you? Sit with her feet pulled up?

i am amazed she felt most comfortable with her legs sticking straight out.

it really is very very normal for fidgety kids on planes to not kick the seat in front

the person in front was awful. But that’s a separate issue.

Chumbawomble · 13/05/2025 18:32

Flying in economy is vile and I won't be doing it again. I had to sit next to a man with the biggest shoulders and arms recently. There wasn't really anything he could've done tbf. The air vents weren't working and the air crew were a bit meh.

Laura95167 · 13/05/2025 18:33

At 4 she shouldn't be kicking someone in front.

But also a grown woman shouldn't be swearing at a child

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 13/05/2025 18:34

"I remember flying to Italy with a 1 year old on my lap. He wasnt particularly wiggly but there was hardly any space. There was a girl in front of us a newly wed, who thought because there was a curtain she was in 1st class. She turned around and scowled at us. She told me off and said he should be put to sleep."

ExH was in the RAF, & he told me that when families were being posted overseas, the children were often sedated for the flights.
Seems like a good idea !

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 13/05/2025 18:34

Next time get her to put her legs in a basket that's what DD done at that age & then in the air I put the tray table down and sat her tablet on it. Much less stressful for everyone. However I absolutely would not allow anyone to speak to my child like that. I understand being frustrated - I don't understand having the nerve to bypass a parent and reprimand their young child. You know for next time to take shoes off asap & have snacks etc ready to go. People are so intolerant. To be honest if I had heard someone speaking to a child in that way & the parent didn't feel comfortable enough to speak up I would intervene. If you want child free travel pay for it.

333FionaG · 13/05/2025 18:37

oncemoreuntothebeachdearfriends · 13/05/2025 18:34

"I remember flying to Italy with a 1 year old on my lap. He wasnt particularly wiggly but there was hardly any space. There was a girl in front of us a newly wed, who thought because there was a curtain she was in 1st class. She turned around and scowled at us. She told me off and said he should be put to sleep."

ExH was in the RAF, & he told me that when families were being posted overseas, the children were often sedated for the flights.
Seems like a good idea !

Sedated with what? Antihistamines?

laraitopbanana · 13/05/2025 18:38

People are arseholes! That is what I think…

Duechristmas · 13/05/2025 18:39

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:51

If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

There’s always a cup at home, school, in the car, at restaurants or any time we’re on the go. Even when hiking I carry multiple 2L water bladders. She was tired and experiencing thirst, possibly for the first time, and I had messed up and wasn’t able to give her a drink for about half an hour.

She listens to rules and instructions like your average not-quite-4 yo. Fairly well if she’s not tired, hungry, thirsty, scared, excited, distracted, curious about something across the shop…

No child suffered for not being able to drink for 30 minutes! You don't need to be drinking continually.

Blushingm · 13/05/2025 18:43

Why didn’t you swap with dd?

I can understand why the other passenger was pissed off - nothing more irritating than someone else’s kid who won’t sit still who kicks the back of your seat and then winges.

why didn’t you have all the distractions ready?

laraitopbanana · 13/05/2025 18:43

333FionaG · 13/05/2025 18:37

Sedated with what? Antihistamines?

A very good meal and a very very very early flight LOL

bo I don’t know. Sedated is absolutely mad!

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 18:44

OCDmama · 13/05/2025 18:26

The only thing you were unreasonable about was letting that woman speak like that about your daughter without challenge.

You should have got the FA involved for use of threatening and vile language.

The FA was involved. She admonished the OP to make the kid stop kicking.

laraitopbanana · 13/05/2025 18:46

Duechristmas · 13/05/2025 18:39

No child suffered for not being able to drink for 30 minutes! You don't need to be drinking continually.

Have you met a 4 year old? They will make you believe (and act like it) that they will die in the next 5sec without…their teddy, a snack, their fav car left at home, a last ride on slide…a drink? It does not matter to a 4 year old really…they are being 4.

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 18:48

Neemie · 13/05/2025 18:22

I hate to break it to you but I’m not sure your entitlement to international travel with a quiet cabin is a universal human right either. I don’t think they got the memo on including things that piss of @SavageTomato

"Not bothering others" is the default civilized behaviour. At least among decent, considerate people with rock-bottom public manners.

The woman wouldn't be swearing about the four-year-old if the four-year-old had been taught to behave. Whining and crying because she can't have a fucking drink of water for 10 minutes? Give me a break.

And I still call bullshit on the "couldn't help her legs sticking straight out" nonsense.

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 18:49

laraitopbanana · 13/05/2025 18:46

Have you met a 4 year old? They will make you believe (and act like it) that they will die in the next 5sec without…their teddy, a snack, their fav car left at home, a last ride on slide…a drink? It does not matter to a 4 year old really…they are being 4.

The ones with decent parents aren't like that. FFS, four-year-olds go to school in many places, and they don't spend the day whinging and kicking people's chairs.