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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Iwantmyoldnameback · 13/05/2025 15:17

But the child only had to wait until after the plane had taken off for her drink, she should have been able to understand this not start grizzling.

Missanimosity · 13/05/2025 15:18

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:34

Like I said, the edge of her seat came to her upper calves, so she couldn’t bend her knees and put her feet down. If she slid her butt forward to bend her knees, if wasn’t comfortable on her back, with the seatbelt forcing her to slouch, which made her wiggle and use her feet to counterbalance to get back up straight. Got her to sit cross legged or with her feet on the seat for short intervals, but she would get uncomfortable and forget to be still and adjust herself.

it wasn’t like she was able to freely swing her legs and just refused to stop roundhousing the seat. It wasn’t intentional.

Yes, but as you said in subsequent post, you then lied her down on you. So she should have been in that position for a few minutes until the plane was at cruising altitude and the seatbelt sign off. Then she could have removed belt and pull her bum in the right position. That means your child was unable to stop kicking seats for a few minutes until the seatbelt sign off. It seemed you made a lot of effort to distract her, with headphones, snacks, youtube when you should have been told her "you will have to wait, you will get your stuff in a few minutes, stop kicking the seat". The woman swearing was awful, I could never do that but I completely understand hiw would make her go crazy.

Missanimosity · 13/05/2025 15:19

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:17

😂allowed

What is so funny? Allowed is correct word when you are a parent.

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:23

AusBoundDD · 12/05/2025 16:45

Yes, OP. She will still be learning self control, hence it’s your job to control her. How is that hard to grasp?

I am sure you do everything perfectly with 100% accuracy and efficiency in your 'job'.. give OP a break

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:27

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:50

We would all like more space flying, wouldn't we.

Fly buisness/1st class next time.

only 10 times as expensive. Totally affordable for everyone. Yay. And i'm sure the people paying 10x would be delighted to have a 3yo in their space...

foreverblowingbubbless · 13/05/2025 15:27

You need to learn how to manage your child in public situations.

CleanShirt · 13/05/2025 15:30

Iwantmyoldnameback · 13/05/2025 15:17

But the child only had to wait until after the plane had taken off for her drink, she should have been able to understand this not start grizzling.

But she was experiencing thirst for the first time ever!

SavageTomato · 13/05/2025 15:53

I must have missed the part of universal human rights where international travel is a must have for small children who won't even remember the holiday. You wanted the trip, this has nothing to do with your child needing the holiday. Butlins would be fine, but nooo, mummy needs a flight to california. So sod the other passengers, it's not really kicking and invading their space, that they paid for. The level of entitlement here is shocking.

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:09

BallerinaRadio · 12/05/2025 16:52

I was begging for your child to stop just reading that so I can only imagine how the woman in front of you felt

why was her child reading that?

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:12

SUPerSaver721 · 12/05/2025 16:53

Your daughter was the problem. How many times did she kick the seat. I've brought 2 kids on aeroplanes from babies and not once have they kicked the seat infront of them. I can't believe you never thought to take her shoes off. How would you have felt to have had a child kicking your seat the whole flight. It's annoying and if it was an early morning flight the woman probably wanted to sleep. Parent Your child better.

Edited

Lucky you. I've been luck too in this regard, but i at least acknowledge that's what it is. (my 3 also all flew from 6 weeks..)

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 16:14

SavageTomato · 13/05/2025 15:53

I must have missed the part of universal human rights where international travel is a must have for small children who won't even remember the holiday. You wanted the trip, this has nothing to do with your child needing the holiday. Butlins would be fine, but nooo, mummy needs a flight to california. So sod the other passengers, it's not really kicking and invading their space, that they paid for. The level of entitlement here is shocking.

Exactly.

This isn't for the kid. VERY few children would ever remember a holiday age 4. This is for the parent. F everyone else.

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:25

Missanimosity · 13/05/2025 15:19

What is so funny? Allowed is correct word when you are a parent.

'allowed', as if the parent has 100% control of their children at all times...

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:26

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 16:25

'allowed', as if the parent has 100% control of their children at all times...

You can not allow children sweets, or not allow them to play outside (or whatever) but you can't control all of the children all of the time...

Charlotte120221 · 13/05/2025 16:36

classic thread.

AIBU?

Yes...

But but but....

Honestly just accept you messed up - there are lots of ways you could have got her to stop kicking the seat in front. You booked the 5 hour flight, it's on you to make sure she has everything she needs (though am a bit 🤔that 30 minutes without access to water pushed her into some great thirst horror...) and that she doesn't annoy people around her.

thisisfrommathilda · 13/05/2025 16:38

Parent your child and stop making excuses.

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 16:41

thisisfrommathilda · 13/05/2025 16:38

Parent your child and stop making excuses.

We have another perfect parent over here, everyone! Form an orderly queue with your adoring questions!

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 16:43

SavageTomato · 13/05/2025 15:53

I must have missed the part of universal human rights where international travel is a must have for small children who won't even remember the holiday. You wanted the trip, this has nothing to do with your child needing the holiday. Butlins would be fine, but nooo, mummy needs a flight to california. So sod the other passengers, it's not really kicking and invading their space, that they paid for. The level of entitlement here is shocking.

Know your place, mothers!

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 13/05/2025 17:20

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 15:17

Very true but maybe they wouldn't have been bothered by it

The entire human race is bothered by their plane seat being kicked.

Supergirl1958 · 13/05/2025 17:22

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 16:43

Know your place, mothers!

Right!!!
I mean we must stay locked up in our houses until our offspring learn to act adult enough to be let out into the real world, where the perfect parents will stand with clipboards ensuring these little buggers know the rules! Then they will get a laminated certificate complete with photo identification to verify that they can indeed enter planes, restaurants, museums and other public places! 🤷‍♀️😬

Newusername3kidss · 13/05/2025 17:33

Sorry at 4 year old my children did not kick seats and wouldn’t be crying because they couldn’t get a drink straight away.

She shouldn’t have sworn but i would have been pissed off.

Newusername3kidss · 13/05/2025 17:36

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

At 4 - yes my would sit still and if I told them to stop doing something they did.

also be more prepared - I’ve got 3 and we’ve been all over the world since they were babies. Snacks, games, colouring, stickers, iPads.

Manypets · 13/05/2025 17:51

I remember flying to Italy with a 1 year old on my lap. He wasnt particularly wiggly but there was hardly any space. There was a girl in front of us a newly wed, who thought because there was a curtain she was in 1st class. She turned around and scowled at us. She told me off and said he should be put to sleep. I was so angry, but years on I think of her and I know shes probably had kids by now and realises how utterly miserable it is with them on a plane and how hard it is to wrangle them when they are forced to sit.

Conversly, flew home with my now 9 year old last week and he was complaining about the "smelly" baby behind who kept shoving her hand through. I had to remind him he was almost as bad..though he always had a clean bum unlike that poor dot.

Beautifulweeds · 13/05/2025 17:53

Once had a couple of kids playing snap behind me so my seat jolted every time they won! As with any annoyance from behind I thought I would give it a time limit and they thankfully stopped after a while. I did look behind a couple of times bit didn't interfere but if it had gone on for longer would've asked them nicely to stop.

JuniperKeats · 13/05/2025 18:00

Not unusual for children to travel appropriately with the right help from parents.
babies crying is one thing, but 3/4 should be able to engage appropriately

sidebirds · 13/05/2025 18:01

“I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” 😂😂😂👌 - biggest laugh of the day so far

Which I [...] thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. - ludicrous!!!🤯