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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 13/05/2025 10:11

PassTheLemonDrizzle · 12/05/2025 20:30

So, an adult woman has a full blown tantrum yet everyone is piling on the 3 year old? YANBU

Frankly the woman is in the wrong but also so is the parent of a nearly 4 year old who can't properly control her child, who didn't even realise removing the child's shows may help and displayed no common sense whatsoever.

Spirallingdownwards · 13/05/2025 10:13

Disney101101 · 13/05/2025 08:28

I just can’t believe how judgemental people have become! I’m so glad in my life I don’t no anyone like that. I really feel for OP I hope she ignores all the stuck up snotty comments, her child did nothing wrong and neither did she the only one in the wrong is the lady in front. I

Herein lies the problem. The type of person who thinks the child did no wrong. They were both in the wrong - not necessarily the child but the parent who doesn't set boundaries or discipline their child when they are acting in certain ways.

KatiMaus · 13/05/2025 10:44

Can't honestly believe what I'm reading here from the OP and various others defending her ineffectual parenting. For reference, I have a 6 year old, so I'm not far removed from this phase.

You can and should have stopped your child kicking the seat in front. It's not acceptable in any circumstance to allow it. Also not rocket science to understand that if you make a decision to travel with kids, you need to be prepared. The disorder of your parenting probably causes a lot of problems, including your DC 'crying' because she had to wait for a drink. That's ludicrous at that age.

Maybe the woman in front has severe back pain. I suffer from it and cannot and refuse to tolerate seat-kicking because it's extremely painful.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/05/2025 11:03

StartEngineStop · 13/05/2025 02:48

A few years ago, I wouldn’t have expected it either, there’s always a few show offs, but mostly it would’ve been sympathy for trying to managing child on a flight with someone that abusive in front of you (given the OP was trying to manage it, of course). There’s definitely a different demographic… around here these days.

I honestly didn't see much of OP managing the situation. She didn't think to take the shoes off, she didn't think that her child might need a drink so had put drinks in the overhead locker instead of having them to hand.

She said that she wished she had paid for better seats, but even though she was aware that better seats were available as WIFOU was offered the opportunity to purchase then, OP still didn't buy them. Maybe she left her purse in the overhead lockers or in the hold luggage.

WIFOU was unpleasant but OP was not making more than minimal effort to manage the situation

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 11:22

Elphamouche · 13/05/2025 08:11

Passenger in front was a complete twat.

She wasn’t the only one…

SnakesAndArrows · 13/05/2025 11:26

gerul · 12/05/2025 22:21

Exactly. What am I reading here?! People are defending this trashy woman.

No one (or at least hardly anyone) is defending sweary woman. She was definitely in the wrong for behaving like that.

However, as you were hopefully taught as a child, two wrongs don’t make a right.

OP was wrong not to control her child’s behaviour and impact on other travellers. On the contrary, OP has minimised and made feeble excuses.

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 11:31

landbeforegrime · 13/05/2025 04:32

Nope, yanbu. kids legs stick out because of the size of the seats. They don't need to be deliberately kicking, they just move and make contact with the seat in front because their little legs don't dangle down, but stick out. Not their fault and very hard to avoid. No one sits still on a flight, but when little kids move they make contact with the seat in front. Kids are people too. Seats are not made with their height in mind. Sat on a plane once and it was impossible for my son's feet not to touch back of chair in front. Guy turned around straight away, with an attitude of I'm not having this. I spent the flight trying to help son angle his legs so they didn't make contact with seat in front. Wish I hadn't. Next time I'd stick up for him and point out he's not kicking but the seats aren't made with children in mind and aren't adjustable so if there's an issue they can take it up with the airline. I'm not going to expect anyone to be still for a however many hour flight. It's an unreasonable request we wouldn't make of an adult. And indeed staying still is a dvt risk, aren't we encouraged to move in our seats...
The swearing, I would have complained. You are too nice.

This is absolute and utter bullshit.

I am a 5’ tall woman with short legs, the seat edges have always stopped at an awkward place under my calves that makes it difficult to bend my legs naturally.

Yes somehow since my very first flight in 1973 I have managed on hundreds of aircraft to never kick the seat in front of me.

It is not inevitable. If it happens it’s due to abysmally lazy parenting.

And frankly it should disqualify people from flying if they really can’t conduct themselves properly.

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 11:32

SnakesAndArrows · 13/05/2025 11:26

No one (or at least hardly anyone) is defending sweary woman. She was definitely in the wrong for behaving like that.

However, as you were hopefully taught as a child, two wrongs don’t make a right.

OP was wrong not to control her child’s behaviour and impact on other travellers. On the contrary, OP has minimised and made feeble excuses.

Plus, quite frankly, I think there’s probably quite a bit of exaggeration going on regarding the behaviour of the other passenger.

MrsSkylerWhite · 13/05/2025 11:42

MyLittleNest · 12/05/2025 17:43

I also think it was the age of your DD that added to the woman's rage and may also be why she felt the need to speak directly to her rather than you. Most children that age do not fidget that much so quickly upon being seated, need juice minutes into taking their seats, and then proceed to have a crying meltdown because they have to wait a few minutes for juice.

Speaking for myself, I'd have more patience with a 1yo behaving this way because they can't help it. A 4yo can.

Absolutely this. Crying babies, not an issue. Young toddlers needing to be walked up and down the aisle, not an issue (unless flight staff say it is). A nearly school aged child with no additional needs kicking a seat, big issue.

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 11:46

Iceandfire92 · 12/05/2025 22:20

If someone allows their child to kick the passenger's seat in front I would love nothing more than the adult and child in question to become hermits until they have learned how to behave in public. Long haul flights aren't the place for small children to figure out social niceties and how not to disturb others who have paid a lot of money to sit in a cramped seat for perhaps their only holiday of the year.

Exactly. These people were not fit to be flying.

And they were going on holiday, optional, not flying to emergency neurosurgery. There was absolutely no good reason they had to
be there.

Go hiking near home, or find a holiday destination within driving range. Don’t inflict unruly, whiny kids on airplane passengers. Wait to fly until the can behave. Same for restaurants, cinema and other venues.

We recently had a visit to the London Transport Museum ruined by screeching, running, jumping, whining, crying kids. Who weren’t paying attention to the exhibits and had no discernible reason for being there, while groups of parents chatted and ignored their children’s rude and obnoxious behaviour.

Parents need to be more considerate of others in SO many ways.

Notchangingnameagain · 13/05/2025 11:56

Your DD was being annoying. You need to be more prepared.

Supergirl1958 · 13/05/2025 11:58

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 11:46

Exactly. These people were not fit to be flying.

And they were going on holiday, optional, not flying to emergency neurosurgery. There was absolutely no good reason they had to
be there.

Go hiking near home, or find a holiday destination within driving range. Don’t inflict unruly, whiny kids on airplane passengers. Wait to fly until the can behave. Same for restaurants, cinema and other venues.

We recently had a visit to the London Transport Museum ruined by screeching, running, jumping, whining, crying kids. Who weren’t paying attention to the exhibits and had no discernible reason for being there, while groups of parents chatted and ignored their children’s rude and obnoxious behaviour.

Parents need to be more considerate of others in SO many ways.

BUT the OP was not ignoring her child’s actions which were neither rude, nor obnoxious.

I don’t think it’s fair that we should have to live our lives like cages animals because grown adults struggle to tolerate children being children!

if you were bothered by the behaviour of those children in the museum, then perhaps you should have spoken nicely to the parents.

Emonade · 13/05/2025 12:23

ApiratesaysYarrr · 13/05/2025 11:03

I honestly didn't see much of OP managing the situation. She didn't think to take the shoes off, she didn't think that her child might need a drink so had put drinks in the overhead locker instead of having them to hand.

She said that she wished she had paid for better seats, but even though she was aware that better seats were available as WIFOU was offered the opportunity to purchase then, OP still didn't buy them. Maybe she left her purse in the overhead lockers or in the hold luggage.

WIFOU was unpleasant but OP was not making more than minimal effort to manage the situation

Have you never made a mistake like putting a drink in the wrong bag?! We can only dream or being so perfect

Supergirl1958 · 13/05/2025 12:28

Emonade · 13/05/2025 12:23

Have you never made a mistake like putting a drink in the wrong bag?! We can only dream or being so perfect

I feel like people have overlooked what the OP did do and conveniently ignored what she did do.

Pinky1256 · 13/05/2025 12:32

Get bulkhead row seats, that way your kid has no one in front to kick and has more leg space. I got that for my kid in preparation for his first international flight, also lots of snacks and some toys.

Gustavo77 · 13/05/2025 12:34

She should be able to behave much better than that at 4. By 4 they're capable of understanding what needs to be done in such situations and definitely capable of not causing such a hassle before the plane has even left the gate!!
Seat kicking was never an issue for my three, they understood that someone was sitting in the seat in front and they had to sit still. To allow it and make excuses for your child is wrong and it's incredibly unfair to the people in front
You have some parenting work to do to get her to where she should be in terms of her behaviour at 4 years old.

Maddy70 · 13/05/2025 12:35

Your child your responsibility. Kicking the seat in front of the worst thing. Bring a travel pillow to put behind her so her feet are in a better position and be better prepared with things to distract her.

Delatron · 13/05/2025 12:41

Emonade · 13/05/2025 12:23

Have you never made a mistake like putting a drink in the wrong bag?! We can only dream or being so perfect

It’s not the drink! It’s the kicking of the seat which is easy to solve!

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 13:27

Why did you not swap seats with your DD?

TheHerboriste · 13/05/2025 14:47

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 13:27

Why did you not swap seats with your DD?

I've been wondering this all along.

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 13/05/2025 14:57

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 13:27

Why did you not swap seats with your DD?

That would just mean that some other unfortunate soul would have been subjected to the seat kicking.

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:13

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:32

By telling them not to kick the seat?

it's definitely that simple. Thankfully my children have (luckily) always been good flyers (no magic skill on my part!) Children will be children and they (as you rightly say) are going to be everywhere in society, buses, supermarkets etc...

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:16

DontKnowHelpMe · 12/05/2025 16:38

By holding their feet (gently) to restrict movement or placing a barrier between their feet and the seat in front. Alternatively by angling them so their feet can't reach.

I hate my seat being kicked. I never allowed my children to do it to others.

is pita your go to child snack?😂

BestDIL · 13/05/2025 15:17

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 13/05/2025 14:57

That would just mean that some other unfortunate soul would have been subjected to the seat kicking.

Very true but maybe they wouldn't have been bothered by it

HamptonPlace · 13/05/2025 15:17

MumChp · 12/05/2025 16:30

I hate children kicking my seat and I have never allowed my children to do it.

😂allowed