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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
StartEngineStop · 12/05/2025 21:04

I find having my seat kicked, and crying children, as annoying as everybody else does. But if I heard the parent trying to prevent it, that would 100% disarm me and I would make sure they knew I understood. What I would absolutely never do is make the situation worse by swearing and threatening the mother and child in question.

arcticpandas · 12/05/2025 21:06

You can control a child's behaviour :

  1. You plan ahead: drinks, snacks, toys, drawing stuff, ipad whatever works for you.
  2. You tell your child to stop kicking because it hurts the person sitting there. Try to distract; play, interact.
  3. Not working? You take your kid's feet and you hold them still. No way has your child the right to kick somebody's seat.

You need to take control OP- for your child, yourself and everyone around you. If you can't control a 4 year old I wouldn't like to see you with a 14 year old.

Having said that I don't condone the swearing. I have had kids kicking behind me and some parents who have not dealt with it. I turn around and talk to the child directly: " Can you please stop kicking- it really hurts my back. Thank you" believe it or not but it has worked every time. Kids might not respect their parents but when another adult talks to them they tend to listen.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 12/05/2025 21:06

TipsyRaven247 · 12/05/2025 20:48

You need to teach your daughter some good manners.

I think the WIFOU is the one who needs that lesson actually

Whenwouldyougethelp · 12/05/2025 21:07

I can't believe everything the op has said that she tried to stop her dd and people instantly said, why didn't you just ask her or angle her feet

Unbelievable.
The anger from the woman was unacceptable to start swearing, swooping seats was a great idea and they or the attendant should have suggested this sooner. You were in the thick of it on the front line trying to manage the situation directly with you.

Whenwouldyougethelp · 12/05/2025 21:08

@arcticpandas yes because that's polite and you also gave a reason

Gremlins101 · 12/05/2025 21:13

Absolutely been in your shoes a couple of times and you can only do your best. The woman sounds miserable.

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 21:13

PassTheLemonDrizzle · 12/05/2025 20:30

So, an adult woman has a full blown tantrum yet everyone is piling on the 3 year old? YANBU

Lol, right? The 3 year old should learn to tolerate being uncomfortable, should learn some manners, should know how to behave, listen to instructions etc.

Meanwhile the poor (unhinged) adult woman that sat swearing, ranting and raving at (and about) OP’s child and other children was justifiably angry 😂 her complete and utter loss of control, patience, decorum and anything resembling reasonable behaviour is swept under the carpet. Wild.

Mustn’t let sense or rational perspective get in the way of criticising someone’s parenting!

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:15

KarCat · 12/05/2025 16:39

I’m going to buck the trend and say that the passenger was absolutely out of order and sounds like a nasty bitch.
It’s so bloody stressful flying with kids anyway, other passengers being wankers makes it a thousand times worse.
Christ what happened to a bit of empathy?

This! I think some people forget what it’s like to be a child! And in some cases a parent. I imagine these are the people who roll their eyes at me, when my ADHD son has a small episode in a restaurant!
I spend 2/3 of my parenting worrying about what these people think! WIFOU is a cow bag, and if she was that bothered she should have paid the extra money! She was being an arse for the sake of it!!

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:17

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 21:13

Lol, right? The 3 year old should learn to tolerate being uncomfortable, should learn some manners, should know how to behave, listen to instructions etc.

Meanwhile the poor (unhinged) adult woman that sat swearing, ranting and raving at (and about) OP’s child and other children was justifiably angry 😂 her complete and utter loss of control, patience, decorum and anything resembling reasonable behaviour is swept under the carpet. Wild.

Mustn’t let sense or rational perspective get in the way of criticising someone’s parenting!

Nothing about the calibre of some
respondents on mumsnet surprises me any more! There was a thread on here last week about a four year old who somehow managed to get to/open a fire escape door in a nursery and the nursery wanted the parent to hall their child over the coals. The amount of people who were like, they are four they should respect boundaries, blah blah! Honestly!

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:19

arcticpandas · 12/05/2025 21:06

You can control a child's behaviour :

  1. You plan ahead: drinks, snacks, toys, drawing stuff, ipad whatever works for you.
  2. You tell your child to stop kicking because it hurts the person sitting there. Try to distract; play, interact.
  3. Not working? You take your kid's feet and you hold them still. No way has your child the right to kick somebody's seat.

You need to take control OP- for your child, yourself and everyone around you. If you can't control a 4 year old I wouldn't like to see you with a 14 year old.

Having said that I don't condone the swearing. I have had kids kicking behind me and some parents who have not dealt with it. I turn around and talk to the child directly: " Can you please stop kicking- it really hurts my back. Thank you" believe it or not but it has worked every time. Kids might not respect their parents but when another adult talks to them they tend to listen.

Did you RTFT? She tried the majority of this!!

Whenwouldyougethelp · 12/05/2025 21:19

@FairPlayer274 you poor thing I'm on page 8
What airline was it

I hope you have a great time when you get to holiday or are there or were there.
These things are unexpected and unavoidable and we learn from them.
It's beyond horrid to be so mean to a struggling mum doing their best. Had you sat there reading a book, fine!! But you were doing everything you possibly could
Ignore the harridons

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 21:20

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:19

Did you RTFT? She tried the majority of this!!

No, she didn't. Unfortunately, as she admits, she wasn't adequately prepared.

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:24

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 21:20

No, she didn't. Unfortunately, as she admits, she wasn't adequately prepared.

Ah my apologies! I must have misread the bit where she adjusts her position multiple times/ tried to distract her with you tube etc. 🤦‍♀️🙄

BlueMum16 · 12/05/2025 21:28

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:51

If never usually having to go without fluids makes a child spoiled, then sure, DD is spoiled.

There’s always a cup at home, school, in the car, at restaurants or any time we’re on the go. Even when hiking I carry multiple 2L water bladders. She was tired and experiencing thirst, possibly for the first time, and I had messed up and wasn’t able to give her a drink for about half an hour.

She listens to rules and instructions like your average not-quite-4 yo. Fairly well if she’s not tired, hungry, thirsty, scared, excited, distracted, curious about something across the shop…

Hindsight is great OP.

Next time - take shoes off. Sit crossed legged or knees bent up with feet in chair.
Sit DD on your knee except for take off and landing, this is fine, you have a photo of her sleeping on you.

On that flight could you have paid the upgrade to move you and your DD. The other passenger might not have had the funds to escape.

StartEngineStop · 12/05/2025 21:30

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:24

Ah my apologies! I must have misread the bit where she adjusts her position multiple times/ tried to distract her with you tube etc. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Shhh - you’re being inconvenient for the poster who must display themselves as the perfect parent in all situations, to the detriment of all the other underlings around her!

sugarapplelane · 12/05/2025 21:32

I’m also gate kids kicking my seat in planes. I had a girl kick my seat nearly all the way from London to Orlando. It’s really bloody annoying when all you want to do is sleep or relax with a film.
The parents were useless. Dad was passive and Mum had her nose in her phone the whole time.

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 21:32

You should have offered to pay for the upgrade for these people who were being forced by yourself to put up with your disruptive child.

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 21:37

ButterCrackers · 12/05/2025 21:32

You should have offered to pay for the upgrade for these people who were being forced by yourself to put up with your disruptive child.

Surely if OP was going to pay for upgraded seats they would be for OP and her child rather than the abusive horror sat in front of them?

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 21:40

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 21:37

Surely if OP was going to pay for upgraded seats they would be for OP and her child rather than the abusive horror sat in front of them?

😂😂 The one who spent 5 hrs getting kicked? Yeah.

grumpygrape · 12/05/2025 21:41

Missing the point of the thread…..😉

I wondered where OP and daughter were flying from and to where the destination was in California and the flight was only 5 hours. OP’s writing style doesn’t sound American. But I’ve got a tangential mind.

Delatron · 12/05/2025 21:44

Supergirl1958 · 12/05/2025 21:19

Did you RTFT? She tried the majority of this!!

She didn’t try any of this!

She didn’t even bother to take the shoes off, suggest crossing legs and if that failed then yes holding the legs still. No she did none of those things. Then she didn’t even have a drink to offer to appease the crying tantrum.

Clafoutie · 12/05/2025 21:44

PassTheLemonDrizzle · 12/05/2025 20:30

So, an adult woman has a full blown tantrum yet everyone is piling on the 3 year old? YANBU

Yes, exactly what I was thinking! And I am normally someone who is on ‘the other side’ of the debate in things like this, as I sometimes feel annoyed that some parents let their children do whatever. But in this case the OP’s situation seemed reasoned and reasonable ( if not ideal, but that’s life when on public transport) and the adult passenger seemed to behave appallingly. Yet so many people condemned the 3 year old and judged the OP

nicpic71 · 12/05/2025 21:47

Wow these comments are brutal. She did try and resolve the situation and suggested the seat swap. The woman totally over reacted and was rude.

NotSmallButFunSize · 12/05/2025 21:47

The absolute state of this thread 😂

All these perfect parents with their "seasoned traveller" children, give me a fucking break....

OP we've all had kids be hard work on flights, you can only do what you can do at the time. That woman was a miserable old bitch and I can't believe more posters are commenting negatively on a 3yr old's (normal) behaviour than that pathetic display by that alleged adult woman

Don't even give the mardy old cow another moment of your thoughts

clinellwipe · 12/05/2025 21:50

She was significantly more ‘badly behaved’ than your DD despite being ten times older.