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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
PassTheLemonDrizzle · 12/05/2025 20:30

So, an adult woman has a full blown tantrum yet everyone is piling on the 3 year old? YANBU

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:30

ChompandaGrazia · 12/05/2025 19:57

You are in the air right now? WiFi on planes costs a fortune. You’ve paid for it just to post this?

WiFi does not cost a fortune! Most flights have free WiFi and if not then it’s under £20. Certainly not and insurmountable amount of money!

FedupofArsenalgame · 12/05/2025 20:31

Jujujudo · 12/05/2025 18:28

This thread is filled with a bunch of mean spirited, nasty people. Children have as much right to travel as adults because they are just as much a part of society as everyone else. They are children so of course they are noisy and annoying. Adults can also be noisy and annoying. That’s life. Being generous, kind and empathic helps enormously in situations like this. It’s hard for us to sit for 5 hours in one place, imagine how hard it is for a child! And to say it’s bad parenting is insanity!!!! Children don’t have the same impulse control as adults. When we fly we have to accept it’s cramped, smelly, inconvenient and uncomfortable. If we feel entitled to fly in comfort and silence we should pay for business or first class. Urgh, you’ve all made me feel itchy with your judgemental comments.

The kid was kicking BEFORE take of . So not 5 hours

Bepo77 · 12/05/2025 20:32

Jeez my son is 2.5 and it sounds like you’re describing a toddler of the same age! She’s a big girl now, you need to start treating her like one. Is she your only child by any chance?

PointsSouth · 12/05/2025 20:34

rosemarble · 12/05/2025 16:57

If the woman is anything like me, she may already have been on edge having seen the child behind her and been snapped as soon as she felt the first kick.

I hate anyone behind me in planes, cinemas, concerts.

.....what?

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:36

Riaanna · 12/05/2025 19:06

I’ve got official fidgets - adhd ASD etc. all manageable if you plan.

Agreed, limiting children’s involvement in the world isn’t the answer. We have a fidgety 4 year old—who has traveled long haul to 14 countries. Planning ahead is key, and also I find that other parents on planes are very understanding. I remember one time when they were very little they were struggling to sit still and crying and the people in front of us told us not to worry, kids will be kids! We’ve had some grumpy people on planes who roll their eyes when the baby cries but we’ve also had far more people tell us that our kids are wonderful and great travelers.

a plane isn’t a spa, kids are allowed to be kids and shouldn’t be expected to morph into tiny adults when put on a plane. And parents should do their best to soothe and entertain kids so they aren’t disruptive.

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 12/05/2025 20:36

I’m sorry OP, the situation sounds horrible. I know what it’s like trying to keep kids still. They’re not comfy and in unnatural settings. Kids aren’t meant to sit still. The lady sounds horrible. That language is just unacceptable.

some people on the thread are obviously too perfect and they’re children are also perfect.

Edited for typo

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:37

pepperminticecream · 12/05/2025 20:36

Agreed, limiting children’s involvement in the world isn’t the answer. We have a fidgety 4 year old—who has traveled long haul to 14 countries. Planning ahead is key, and also I find that other parents on planes are very understanding. I remember one time when they were very little they were struggling to sit still and crying and the people in front of us told us not to worry, kids will be kids! We’ve had some grumpy people on planes who roll their eyes when the baby cries but we’ve also had far more people tell us that our kids are wonderful and great travelers.

a plane isn’t a spa, kids are allowed to be kids and shouldn’t be expected to morph into tiny adults when put on a plane. And parents should do their best to soothe and entertain kids so they aren’t disruptive.

Good points 👍

DearDeadrie · 12/05/2025 20:37

As a reasonable adult i wouldn't worry about a child getting fidgety before take off i have had many adults behind me getting fidgety and to be honest being on a plane isn't the most comfortable experience for anyone, but it does not excuse this woman's rude behaviour, unlike being on a bus or train you have to be strapped in for some time and you can't freely walk about, even when you are airborne you can't walk due to the drinks trolly and people needing the toilet.
Being an adult means you should be tolerant of other people's discomfort and do your best.
Sorry I do not think you were in the wrong at all, and you did your best.

Mostunexpected · 12/05/2025 20:42

Could you have upgraded to the better seats at that point?

CantStopMoving · 12/05/2025 20:43

Riaanna · 12/05/2025 19:06

I’ve got official fidgets - adhd ASD etc. all manageable if you plan.

Not worth it. We just didn’t fly till she was old enough and now she’s great at travelling. Why risk it? We knew our daughter wouldn’t sit still and whilst we’d keep her entertained for a few hours, 5-8 hours was always going to be difficult. Only so much you can do even with well behaved children. Our other child was very easy to keep entertained and still. Just different personalities - you have to adapt yourself to your child.

TheOtherBennetGirl · 12/05/2025 20:44

This sounds like it was a really frustrating experience for everyone involved. For your daughter, who was uncomfortable and expressing those feelings. For you, trying and being unable to meet your daughter's needs with what you had on hand. And for the people in front, who wanted space and peace. Frustration led to some poor choices and no one wins. I hope you all got to your destinations and were able to decompress.

TipsyRaven247 · 12/05/2025 20:48

You need to teach your daughter some good manners.

ExpressCheckout · 12/05/2025 20:48

LowDownBoyStandUpGuy · 12/05/2025 18:07

My DC are older and very well behaved on flights given that they are frequent fliers but at absolutely no point do I consider anyone else on a flight besides my own family when booking seats given that I am also paying and so will consider our comfort first. Children are a part of life and given that there don’t appear to be such things as child free flights yet then it’s something you just have to put up with.

Badly behaved drunk adults are a far bigger issue on flights than children.

At least you care enough about your DC to book/reserve seats - quite a number of parents don't, or won't, and then expect others to move, accommodate or even care for their child.

That's the point I was making. When booking, you simply don't know what kind of family you're going to be sat next to. Caring parent and grizzly baby? Fine. Three hours of Peppa Pig and screaming, no.

notatinydancer · 12/05/2025 20:52

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Yes !

ZZTopGuitarSolo · 12/05/2025 20:52

No one covered themselves in glory here, did they?

You didn't do a great job of preventing your child kicking the seat in front, or apologising to the person being kicked.

The WIFOU over-reacted and should not have been swearing loudly or threatening anyone.

The flight attendant could have waived the rules and moved the people in front of you without a charge.

The airline could have provided more legroom to its coach class customers.

Hopefully what you've learnt is that you need to prepare as much as possible, and that $60 for bigger seats is a great deal and you should snap it up. I fly in the US regularly, and I pretty much always get the extra legroom seats especially if they're under $100 per person.

I hope you enjoy your holiday once you're there!

Arancia · 12/05/2025 20:56

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:14

Crying or fidgeting isn't a problem. I used to regularly fly long haul. That's not a problem. You can tune a lot of stuff out and deal with it.
However, this is a child - not a toddler, who was repeatedly kicking the back of a seat. That's not ok.

As I understood the OP, the child is only 4 years old, so still quite young - and by the sounds of OP, the girl didn't kick the seat to be annoying, but because she didn't sit comfortably in her seat. I understand that doesn't diminish the annoyingness of having the back of your seat kicked, but I don't think this is a case of a bratty, spoilt child being a nuissance deliberately...

JLou08 · 12/05/2025 20:57

You've posted this in the wrong place, ironically MUMsnet is full of people who don't like children much.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 20:59

Arancia · 12/05/2025 20:56

As I understood the OP, the child is only 4 years old, so still quite young - and by the sounds of OP, the girl didn't kick the seat to be annoying, but because she didn't sit comfortably in her seat. I understand that doesn't diminish the annoyingness of having the back of your seat kicked, but I don't think this is a case of a bratty, spoilt child being a nuissance deliberately...

I never said that. I think you must have the wrong poster.

StartEngineStop · 12/05/2025 21:00

MrsSkylerWhite · 12/05/2025 16:34

Do you think it’s fine to kick people’s seats on other forms of public transportation, then?

I’m trying to not say something sarcastic about how you sound like you think you’re the best mother in the world. Did you read the OP’s full post about how close her child’s feet were to the woman in front’s seat? Did you hear how the woman in front swore and aggressively threatened the OP?

Woodywoodpecker321 · 12/05/2025 21:01

I think at 4 your daughter should have stopped kicking the seat when you asked her not to. However the women in front of you was way out of order speaking like she did and the flight attendant should have intervened and told the women to stop her behaviour was intimidating.

StartEngineStop · 12/05/2025 21:01

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 16:33

My heart goes out to the passenger in front of your daughter

Goodness, thoughts and prayers too, to the woman, aggressively threatening a stressed mother and her child?

Riaanna · 12/05/2025 21:02

CantStopMoving · 12/05/2025 20:43

Not worth it. We just didn’t fly till she was old enough and now she’s great at travelling. Why risk it? We knew our daughter wouldn’t sit still and whilst we’d keep her entertained for a few hours, 5-8 hours was always going to be difficult. Only so much you can do even with well behaved children. Our other child was very easy to keep entertained and still. Just different personalities - you have to adapt yourself to your child.

I don’t agree. We have had some of most amazing times abroad that were well worth the effort. With the right planning, sensible timing of flights etc it can definitely work.

Outrageistheopiateofthemasses · 12/05/2025 21:03

I would have done everything you did up to a point.

The second she said "this is the last time I am telling you", she would receive no further apology but would calmly be told to not bully my child

Once she started swearing I would be complaining to cabin crew about her behaviour

StartEngineStop · 12/05/2025 21:03

Bubblewrapper · 12/05/2025 16:38

I’d have hauled her on my lap and pinned her legs to my legs to stop her kicking

bloody uncomfortable for me and her but at least I’m not ruining a passenger’s flight

It was during takeoff, though? She wasn’t allowed. Also, she put that in her post.

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