Airplane drama!

[FairPlayer274]

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

There are "Adults Only" hotels.
I'd pay a premium for "Adults Only" flights. Or with a separate, sound-proof, compartment for the little horrors angels.

So you ‘encouraged’ her to cross her legs. How about TELLING her?

Another solution is sitting criss cross apple sauce. This was my son last year, every time he wanted to adjust his feet were just cm from the seat in front and he'd use it to anchor himself. I just had to put my hand between the seats and loudly say do not touch that seat. I also didn't let him do the table himself. But not having the drink and head phones set up is a rookie mistake. My guy has sweets and snacks at the start to occupy himself whilst I set up and then I'm on kid watch for the whole flight, no book or magazine. But this year he's 4....there could be a g&t and Pringles on a plane in my future. I live in hope.

You and your daughter did nothing wrong this woman sounds completely unhinged

"You and your daughter did nothing wrong this woman sounds completely unhinged"

Bollocks. The woman was justifiably angry as OP could/would not control her annoying child.

Woman does sound unhinged but OP sounds wishy washy and disorganised. I was irritated just reading her post.

Eh? She doesn't write it as if she's American!
She's not being criticised for that. She's being criticised for not managing the behaviour of her child.
However, there's lots of good advice for her on here, so hopefully she'll manage better next time.

'She was tired and experiencing thirst, possibly for the first time'

Sorry OP, but that's hilarious! So dramatic. 😂

I voted YABU because no small child needs to fly 5 hours to go camping.

Many years ago when DS2 was that size the man in front reclined his seat and hat hit his feet. Man complained and got told very firmly that I wasn't going to make my child perch on the edge of his seat and if he didn't want DS's feet touching his seat back he'd need to sit up. FA told him the same when he complained to her. Sometimes thigh length just makes it impossible so it's tough.

I agree and am surprised at some of the more extreme dismissals of the OP on here. If it had been the case of an entitled parent with no thought for other passengers, then some of the responses might have been warranted, but it seems to me the OP was as aware as she could be and did her best to stop her child. Yes, it is extremely annoying too to have your seat kicked, but the other passenger sounded really unpleasant. There doesn’t seem to be much empathy on here to go around 🙄

I see you are getting the typical “don’t let her” responses.
Airline seats are a pain in the arse, so any adult harping on about a child needs to be aware of their own behaviour.
How many times do people need to open and close the table tray? It’s irritating on the person in front.
How many times do they stretch their legs? Christ, stop kicking my ankles.
How many times do you need to get up? Well stop using the chair in front for support, it’s annoying.
How many parents let kids watch iPads without headphones? Listen, the rest of us don’t want to listen to peppa pig.
Yes, kids on planes are annoying but so are adults.

"she did her best to stop her child"
That didn't work though. Why should others have to put up with that?

I mean, nobody likes to sit in front of a child kicking their seat from behind. It's super annoying and uncomfortable. But it's absolutely not acceptable to yell, scream and curse at people, and definitely not children. Your poor daughter, having to endure this kind of verbal abuse.

Sadly, it doesn't sound like you were very well-prepared for this flight, and you paid the price for it. You had an unfortunate and upsetting experience, but hopefully it has taught you what NOT to do for the next time you are travelling with your child. Yes, do upgrade to better seats so your daughter sits comfortably, and do remember to pack things she might need in your carry-on.

Hope the next flight will be much better.

They don’t have to put up with it. But it also doesn’t give them licence to be verbally abusive about a child.

True. However, the verbal abuse was triggered by a badly behaved child not being told to stop kicking the seat in front. A basic, really.

If she can’t sit still and didn’t stop kicking the seat in front, and she obviously doesn’t listen to you, then you should have not given her anything until she behaved and done what she was told!!
you’re rewarding bad behaviour!!

Blimey, what a load of intolerant people on this thread. If I had been in front I wouldn't have said anything at all. I would have found it annoying but accepted that it was a small child. At the point where the person in front shouted and swore at your daughter, I would have summoned the FA over and asked her to intervene or see if you could have changed seats.

Haven't RTFT, but in case no one's suggested it... do you know why that woman was taking the flight? Badly behaved children are irritating enough at the best of times but perhaps she was already going through something much worse than you've imagined... the last flight I took was to organise repatriating my sibling's body after they'd killed themselves and i probably would have been rather unhinged if a small child had spent the entire trip behaving how you've described.

@Greybeardy that's awful. Sorry for your loss 💐.

Because we are talking about a small child here and a mother trying her best. People are not perfect. I'm sure that there are plenty of occasions when people have had to accommodate you one way or the other. It's just basic kindness.

How about pinning it on their poor preparation and selfishness? Yes, you can’t stop a small baby crying, but you can distract a small child with snacks, games, drinks, tv, books on tape, looking out the window, reading quietly to them. You can also walk them - not ideal - but a way to give those around you respite.

or if you can’t manage the preparation and entertainment (no judgement from me - we’ve just come back from the US on a flight where I was sandwiched between our 5 year old and 3 year old. Entertaining them was very hard work) then you don’t travel for that long. If you decide that you are going to inflict that long a flight on a small child, and that long a flight in the vicinity of a small child on other passengers it behoves you - the person with the choice - to make it as bearable as possible for them. That is probably going to be done at the expense of it being bearable to you.

Either don’t go or treat it as a military operation: you need to be that organised and that prepared to suffer losses yourself (I’m only half joking). Sounds like you weren’t either. Now you know - be prepared, or don’t go for another 4ish years (on same trip 7 year old was much less work 🤣). Yes your fellow passenger was rude but that doesn’t excuse your rudeness by failing to sufficiently limit your daughter’s impact on those around you.

You don't accommodate a child kicking the back of your seat. That's not kindness, that's being a doormat.

Saying the flight was doomed is doing your child a disservice - this wasn’t inevitable, both you and WIFOU are to blame. Her reaction was disproportionate but you should have planned ahead and prepared for this.

There will be lots of times in life your daughter’s needs can’t be immediately met so you have to teach her to sit (literally and metaphorically) with temporary discomfort. All children in daycare/with siblings learn to sit with thirst whilst waiting for a drink and restricting their movement to respect personal space by 4 because their needs have to be balanced with the needs of others.

Of course, they won’t do it perfectly 100% of the time but children that don’t learn to tolerate temporary discomfort become intolerant adults like the WIFOU.

You are in the air right now? WiFi on planes costs a fortune. You’ve paid for it just to post this?