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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Cognacsoft · 12/05/2025 19:02

If you could upgrade for £60 each why didn’t you take the offer.
You’ve already stated that you wished you’d paid more.

However the woman was nasty. I don’t like anyone kicking my seat but I don’t get incredibly angry or swear.

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 19:03

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 18:59

I think you displayed exceptional patience in the face of absolute vitriol from the “lady” in front.

Yes it’s rude for your child to disturb another passenger. You apologised and tried your best.

If they were that bothered they should have paid the £60 for a more comfortable seat, or better yet, a private plane where they have the privilege of not having to deal with annoyances from members of the public.

Oh look, another example of how entitlement has become the new normal. Rights but no obligations.

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 19:04

She's young, the seat was uncomfortable and she was therefore fidgeting. What don't you all get? Yes kids kicking your set is horrible but the reaction was outrageous.

@FairPlayer274 you did really well. A car seat would have helped but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I hope the rest of the trip went unhindered.

ParmaVioletTea · 12/05/2025 19:04

The woman should not have to pay more to not be kicked in the back.

This.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:05

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 19:04

She's young, the seat was uncomfortable and she was therefore fidgeting. What don't you all get? Yes kids kicking your set is horrible but the reaction was outrageous.

@FairPlayer274 you did really well. A car seat would have helped but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I hope the rest of the trip went unhindered.

The reaction wouldn't have happened if the OP had stopped her child.

Riaanna · 12/05/2025 19:06

CantStopMoving · 12/05/2025 18:53

honestly the answer (which you won’t like!) is that you don’t fly with them until they are older. I had a very very active first born. She was the type who could never sit still- always on the move. Even now many many years later she is the sportiest kid in school and always on the move. We just didn’t do any sort of holiday with her until she was 5 and that was by car and then flew for the first time for a 2 hour flight when she was 6 and then only long hauled with her from 8. People who don’t have fidgety children will never understand what it is like but sadly the only solution is to travel with them when they are older.

Edited

I’ve got official fidgets - adhd ASD etc. all manageable if you plan.

proximalhumerous · 12/05/2025 19:06

I'm not suggesting that children shouldn't be allowed on planes as obviously that's unreasonable, but could you not have gone hiking and camping somewhere that didn't involve a five-hour flight? You don't mention visiting family, so I assume that isn't why you chose to fly to California.

Again, not saying it was necessarily unreasonable of you to travel, but just wondering why you would want to create this headache for yourself for an activity that isn't location specific (I mean obviously the location is going to be rural, but beyond that).

ZenGarden89 · 12/05/2025 19:08

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:05

The reaction wouldn't have happened if the OP had stopped her child.

You are absolutely correct.

The lady in front shouldn't have had to say anything at all. At the first sign of kicking, the OP should have taken control of the situation.

I'm not surprised the lady in front blew her top. One thing to be kicked repeatedly, another for her caregiver not to seem to care.

ItGhoul · 12/05/2025 19:09

If you were sitting behind me and playing video out loud on a phone while your child kicked my seat, I would also have been really fucking annoyed.

I realise babies cry on planes etc and I sympathise with parents about that because they’re babies. I do not sympathise when it’s a four year old kicking my seat in a temper.

Hallebere · 12/05/2025 19:10

Popquorn · 12/05/2025 17:52

I would have paid the £60 myself to move me and DD

I was thinking this. Why didn't you upgrade for yourself and your DD?

Missedvocation · 12/05/2025 19:10

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Yes. Aged 1,2,3 and 4 my daughter has been seated and still on flights up to 11 hours - it really isn’t that hard!

Delphiniumandlupins · 12/05/2025 19:10
  1. The woman shouldn't have sworn.
  2. The woman wouldn't have sworn if your DD had not kicked her seat, repeatedly.
ItGhoul · 12/05/2025 19:12

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 18:59

I think you displayed exceptional patience in the face of absolute vitriol from the “lady” in front.

Yes it’s rude for your child to disturb another passenger. You apologised and tried your best.

If they were that bothered they should have paid the £60 for a more comfortable seat, or better yet, a private plane where they have the privilege of not having to deal with annoyances from members of the public.

The OP could have paid more for a seat with more leg room. People who just want to sit and mind their own business quietly shouldn’t have to pay more for a seat just because someone else can’t control her child.

vintagecrow · 12/05/2025 19:14

Booboobagins · 12/05/2025 19:04

She's young, the seat was uncomfortable and she was therefore fidgeting. What don't you all get? Yes kids kicking your set is horrible but the reaction was outrageous.

@FairPlayer274 you did really well. A car seat would have helped but hindsight is a wonderful thing. I hope the rest of the trip went unhindered.

I’ve travelled on 24hr flights since our children were basically newborn. OP did not do well in this case. She did not even understand that perhaps she should have taken the shoes off. A car seat for a 4-year old on a plane is just ridiculous.

Where her partner was in all this OP won’t say.

Ponderingwindow · 12/05/2025 19:14

Having someone hitting the back of your seat repeatedly adds to the discomfort of the flight and can greatly exacerbate travel sickness. It’s a really big deal.

I would have jumped at the chance to upgrade for $60 to get away from a child kicking my seat.

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 19:15

AzurePanda · 12/05/2025 18:50

@TryingToBeHelpful267 are you saying that you are completely and utterly powerless to make your child stop behaving in an antisocial manner? How does your child cope in school and other structured settings?

Did I say that? I don’t think I did, I think you might need to improve your reading comprehension.

CatherineofIslington · 12/05/2025 19:15

Missedvocation · 12/05/2025 19:10

Yes. Aged 1,2,3 and 4 my daughter has been seated and still on flights up to 11 hours - it really isn’t that hard!

I would be more concerned about a 1 or 2 year old sitting still for 11 hours than a fidgety 4 year old to be honest

NannyPlum7 · 12/05/2025 19:17

Kids kicking seats is annoying.

but theeee most annoying are the adults who grab your seat to stand up or walk past. Fuck offff doing that!

Espressosummer · 12/05/2025 19:22

willstarttomorrow · 12/05/2025 18:22

This woman wanted an upgrade for free.
I travel frquently and agree with you that cheap plane travel is just like taking a bus. I think you are herting harsh treatment here, it sounds like you tried and maybe could have planned better but this woman was totally disproportionate in her response.

Children cry on planes, not much anyone can do- although most parents come armed with things to try and soothe/distract/ bribe. I have been really lucky I do not have a child whose does or with inner ear issues, for those parents that do, they have their work cut out. They get uncomfortable and need constant distraction in a tiny space.

The parents I absolutely have no time for are those who 'loudly parent' during flights- so we are all aware of their amazing off-spring and what brilliant parents they are. Next who do not pack head phones (no issue with using devices to pass the time in a child unfriendly environment- just courtesy). Lastly spend the entire flight walking them up and down the plane.

I have flown with DC a lot since 3 months old and have been really lucky in there was only one flight (bizarrely the shortest one we ever took when she was 3) where I felt absolutely exasperated and worried that she may be annoying the person in front. She was just more restless despite distractions and I was conscious this may have resulted in pulling/kicking the seat despite frequent warnings. It was unusual but I can still remember it now and being on edge 15 years later....

What about those parents, like the OP, who let their children repeatedly kick the seat of the passenger in front of them? Do you have time for them? It's just that you completely ignored that bit.

And I think what the woman wanted was to not be kicked in the back repeatedly.

HiRen · 12/05/2025 19:23

Never fly Southwestern again.

Get your child used to not having water available wherever she is, it's not realistic. She won't die of thirst if she doesn't drink for 3 or 4 hours.

Stop giving your child salty snacks if you know they result in instant thirst and you don't have water on you (ffs).

Teach your child to be more aware of herself and her surroundings and her impact on her surroundings. By 4, she should be able to manage this for a good long stretch. Constantly forgetting AND not paying heed to you isn't acceptable when you're in public. Being 4 doesn't give you a free pass to being annoying whenever you choose to be.

The woman was unreasonable for swearing in a quiet public space.

ApiratesaysYarrr · 12/05/2025 19:23

In your OP you say that the ends of her shoes were a few cm away from the back of the seat in front.
How was she able to kick the seat in front, especially when strapped in for take off when she should be firmly as far back against the seat back as possible for safety? That's not accidental contact, that's making an effort to make contact.

ColourThief · 12/05/2025 19:25

This reply has been deleted

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Beeloux · 12/05/2025 19:28

I would have had some very stern words with her if I was in your shoes. I say that as a former flight attendant too.

Try not to get too het up about it. I used to get it almost every flight. CF passengers using any excuse to try and get bumped into business class. I had one scream in my face once because there were no beef meals left. Another was whinging about a child and parent sitting beside them. The purser told him he was welcome to purchase a row to himself if it bothered him so much.

My favourite was when they used to press their call bell and ask me to tell the person infront of them to push their seat up. I’d take great pleasure on loudly informing the passanger infront that the passanger behind had called me over to ask them if they could push their seat up. I’d finish off with telling the it was at their discretion and they were well within their right to keep their seat reclined.

DancingNotDrowning · 12/05/2025 19:28

It sounds like a confluence of issues, some of which you could have managed better, some of which were out of your control.

If you DC behaves badly on a plane, because you are unprepared and disorganised then being on the receiving end of rudeness is not a surprise.

nomoremsniceperson · 12/05/2025 19:28

Here's my take: OP is getting a kicking (pun not intended) purely because from the way she writes it sounds as though she is American, which (unreasonably) irks a lot of Mumsnetters, and not because of her small child's seat kicking. Children that are nearly 4 vary hugely in their ability to follow instructions, I know mine did (one who could, one who couldn't, regardless of same parenting for both). Some children are more energetic than others. Getting your seat kicked is annoying but you can ask the parent politely to get their child to stop. It is not normal or ok to scream and swear at children. It is not normal to call a child a "thing" or suggest they be knocked out with drugs. Taking little kids on planes is tough and other parents of all people should be a bit more empathetic about it.

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