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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Totallytoti · 12/05/2025 18:45

You angle her legs and give her a firm telling off not to kick. You also make her sit cross legged and keep your arm firmly over her legs. I don’t blame the woman at all

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:45

Panamacatinahat · 12/05/2025 18:41

It absolutely doesn’t. It’s weak parenting at its finest.

Well why don’t you educate us on what strong parenting looks like? What would you have done to your uncomfortable four year old child to make them stop?

Moo31 · 12/05/2025 18:47

@FairPlayer274 I sympathise with you. The picture you uploaded shows very little leg room between the seats. I have an almost 4 year old and a 7 year old and despite best intentions, screens, snacks etc they do loose themselves and accidentally hit the seat in front. I totally get what you are described and how difficult it must have been.

CautiousLurker01 · 12/05/2025 18:48

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Yes. My children travelled between the ages of 2-7 longhaul from Uk to US, Mexico and Jamaica. And they are both autistic/ADHD. Absolutely NEVER kicked the seats, screamed their heads off or made a nuisance of themselves to other passengers.

Even 15 years ago you could pack gameboys, books, devices with their favourite programmes on, and whatever snacks and candied crap that they would eat to keep them quiet. You cannot expect other people to put up with your child’s behaviour… when you’ve not managed it. In 2025, you should absolutely be able to contain your child for 5hours.

SheldonandAmyFarahFowler · 12/05/2025 18:49

backinthebox · 12/05/2025 18:29

I work on aeroplanes, over 25 years experience. I generally find any drama brought to a situation like this is brought there entirely by the parent. I fly children round the world, day in, day out, and very few are problematic. Those that are, usually the parent enables it.

OP, it is highly annoying to be kicked in the back, even once. The passenger in front has no power to simply move away from the irritation your child is causing them. It’s not polite to swear, however it is perfectly acceptable to ask for it to stop every time it happens. If you feel they were asking a lot, they were probably being kicked a lot.

A nearly 4 yo crying because they are experiencing a situation where they cannot have what they want (a drink) instantaneously? What sort of parenting have you been doing? Surely a child ought to be able to wait a bit for a drink without it resulting in a full blown tantrum?

Well said

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:49

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:40

It really does.

No. That's just weak parenting.
You stop a child from behaving like this. The rest of us on here seem to manage.

outerspacepotato · 12/05/2025 18:49

Imagine if the airlines banned seat kickers.......

nobodywantsit · 12/05/2025 18:50

You were both wrong. She was incredibly rude and shouldn’t have sworn but I must admit I’d have been thinking similar but not said it.

I can’t believe you hadn’t even taken her shoes off ffs, that was so obvious.

i like kids I really do but they can be very annoying on flights, in restaurants etc and it can ruin your own experience.

She may have been stressed, grieving, afraid of flying or any number of things. No excuse for being so hostile but we all have our own shit going on.

Personally I would have paid the £60 quid to get away but I would be pissed off that I had to.

JillAndJenTheFlowerpotMen · 12/05/2025 18:50

Your dc is getting too big to have their car seat on the plane, but that solves the dangling legs problem. Also a JetKids BedBox helps with this. Also a rolled up sweater or pillow behind her back to push her forwards enough to move her legs down.

I sympathise with the difficulty of logistics, and no-one should be sworn at. I can see how infuriating this must have been for the woman in front of your child.

AzurePanda · 12/05/2025 18:50

@TryingToBeHelpful267 are you saying that you are completely and utterly powerless to make your child stop behaving in an antisocial manner? How does your child cope in school and other structured settings?

Weefox · 12/05/2025 18:50

I have a bad/sore back and, not so long ago, a kid was kicking at my seat. It was awful, painful and infuriating. . Eventually I turned and kindly asked him to stop. Heard parents reprimanding him and it DID stop!

You have to be much tougher with your child and also work out ways of dealing with this in advance of travelling.

SlagPit · 12/05/2025 18:50

I can't understand why you didn't think to take her shoes off or swap seats, if it really was impossible to stop her kicking - but you'll know for next time.

ZenGarden89 · 12/05/2025 18:50

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:43

No, of course it’s not “fine.” But I expect it, and I expect parents to do their best to teach their children to behave well, even if they’re not immediately successful. Kids are kids and they’re still learning self-control.

No, sorry. You need to parent your child rather than indulge every whim. It sounds like she is completely and utterly overindulged and you've taken gentle parenting to the extreme. Yes, the woman in front of you was rude but it sounds like she was so aggravated by not only your daughter who continued her bad behaviour but your inability/unwillingness to actually control the situation.

Kids do learn self control but they need to be taught what is and isn't acceptable.

333FionaG · 12/05/2025 18:50

You should have taken your daughter's shoes off, first of all, and secondly, as you're so conscious of the need to drink regularly, why on earth did you stow your drinks in the overhead locker? It's not like it was your first flight.

The WIFOU was unreasonable in the language she used, but not unreasonable to tell your DD to stop kicking her seat.

I'm not sure what relevance her age and nationality have to do with this whole palaver though.

Riaanna · 12/05/2025 18:50

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

I do feel for you but you were ill prepared to fly.

YouTube is not suitable, you should have had programmes downloaded so could be accessed immediately rather than messing around with WiFi and all sort. Snacks and water should also be readily available. And to point out the obvious you should have swapped with her. Flights are hard work and most people are reasonable but not when parents don’t get the basics right.

Also let’s not go down the offensive to people with Tourette’s route when you have used “dumb”.

HaveANiceFuckingDay · 12/05/2025 18:50

I went to Spain in February. We hadn't even taxi on the runway and some child was kicking the back of my seat .... I was furious!! And we hadn't even taken off ..the parent made no attempt to stop. She was letting the child dictate.. YOU should have stopped the child and YOU should have apologised or something as soon as it happened. .. it didn't need for the passenger to bring it up. My 3 children travelled from a very young age and they wouldn't have kicked the seat In front.

legsekeven · 12/05/2025 18:51

People are giving you a hard time op. I’m guessing she was just a really difficult height, an inch or two shorter or taller would have made a big difference. The woman should have spoke to you politely sounds like she was angling for a free upgrade. It will be better next time

CantStopMoving · 12/05/2025 18:53

honestly the answer (which you won’t like!) is that you don’t fly with them until they are older. I had a very very active first born. She was the type who could never sit still- always on the move. Even now many many years later she is the sportiest kid in school and always on the move. We just didn’t do any sort of holiday with her until she was 5 and that was by car and then flew for the first time for a 2 hour flight when she was 6 and then only long hauled with her from 8. People who don’t have fidgety children will never understand what it is like but sadly the only solution is to travel with them when they are older.

Disturbia81 · 12/05/2025 18:57

You should have held her feet just during take off and then got her to lie down. Having your chair kicked is so irritating. But they were also over the top.

AngelicKaty · 12/05/2025 18:58

@FairPlayer274 "I’m not speaking ill of her for not wanting to pay for the upgrade, but rather for her language around children. She didn’t need to curse, suggest drugging them, or refer to them as “things”."
YANBU and I agree with you OP. I can't believe the people on here complaining about an almost-4-year old's lack of self-control, whilst seemingly thinking an adult's lack of self-control is just fine. 🙄 I know it's annoying to have the back of your seat kicked, but if it was so unbearable, as grouchy woman's language and repeated appeals to the cabin crew suggests, I'd have paid the £60 per seat upgrade to move.
Apart from your mistake with the drinks and not taking off your DD's shoes, I think you did all you could and finally offering to swap seats with grouchy woman and her DP was a good solution. (She's lucky she didn't have my long-legged DH sat behind her - his knees would have been pressing into her seat-back for the entire journey!)
Flying is stressful and tiring for everyone, but why people think a grown-ass adult woman should get more latitude than a 4-year old beggars belief.

ParmaVioletTea · 12/05/2025 18:59

It’s not like parents can really move their children from their seats if they’re being bothersome, either. At least on a bus or a train, there’s usually open seats, and you can get off at the next stop if the situation is untenable. Or like, in movie theatres or restaurants, you can carry them out if they’re misbehaving. It’s not like that on a plane

What you ignore here, @FairPlayer274 is that she's your child, and your beloved darling. But nobody else around you thinks of her that way.

You may make all the excuses in the world, and be prepared to put up with all sorts of bad or childish behaviour, because you love the bones of her.

But the people around you do not feel that way. Your lack of planning/parenting is not fair to those around you, and they cannot be expected to take the same level of annoyance and discomfort that you're prepared to put up with.

And you weren't the person having your seat kicked & your back jolted, were you?

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 18:59

I think you displayed exceptional patience in the face of absolute vitriol from the “lady” in front.

Yes it’s rude for your child to disturb another passenger. You apologised and tried your best.

If they were that bothered they should have paid the £60 for a more comfortable seat, or better yet, a private plane where they have the privilege of not having to deal with annoyances from members of the public.

commonsense61 · 12/05/2025 18:59

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 19:01

heroinechic · 12/05/2025 18:59

I think you displayed exceptional patience in the face of absolute vitriol from the “lady” in front.

Yes it’s rude for your child to disturb another passenger. You apologised and tried your best.

If they were that bothered they should have paid the £60 for a more comfortable seat, or better yet, a private plane where they have the privilege of not having to deal with annoyances from members of the public.

Why should they pay more because of someone's poor parenting?
Normally the parent intervenes, apologises and modifies the child's behaviour. Not in this case.

nomas · 12/05/2025 19:02

I think OP is to be commended for finding the solution - swapping rows with rude twats. It did shut them up.