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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
Todayisaday · 12/05/2025 18:27

We fly a lot.
First rule, shoes off. Second rule, gadgets on
Why did you not swap seats with your daughter?
Also i would have put blanket or pillows to make the seat fit her more.
The woman sounds absolutely hideous though. Not sure how you bit your tongue.

CatherineofIslington · 12/05/2025 18:27

Gosh some of these responses are so harsh. Are you all the mothers of Perfect Peter?

Delatron · 12/05/2025 18:28

willstarttomorrow · 12/05/2025 18:22

This woman wanted an upgrade for free.
I travel frquently and agree with you that cheap plane travel is just like taking a bus. I think you are herting harsh treatment here, it sounds like you tried and maybe could have planned better but this woman was totally disproportionate in her response.

Children cry on planes, not much anyone can do- although most parents come armed with things to try and soothe/distract/ bribe. I have been really lucky I do not have a child whose does or with inner ear issues, for those parents that do, they have their work cut out. They get uncomfortable and need constant distraction in a tiny space.

The parents I absolutely have no time for are those who 'loudly parent' during flights- so we are all aware of their amazing off-spring and what brilliant parents they are. Next who do not pack head phones (no issue with using devices to pass the time in a child unfriendly environment- just courtesy). Lastly spend the entire flight walking them up and down the plane.

I have flown with DC a lot since 3 months old and have been really lucky in there was only one flight (bizarrely the shortest one we ever took when she was 3) where I felt absolutely exasperated and worried that she may be annoying the person in front. She was just more restless despite distractions and I was conscious this may have resulted in pulling/kicking the seat despite frequent warnings. It was unusual but I can still remember it now and being on edge 15 years later....

No I’m pretty sure the woman just didn’t want her seat kicked for 5 hours..

It’s not about the crying - it’s about the annoying seat kicking. Yes young children cry (though 4 is a bit old to be crying like this).

The few posters that support the OP seem to gloss over the seat kicking and just mention how young kids cry…

Jujujudo · 12/05/2025 18:28

This thread is filled with a bunch of mean spirited, nasty people. Children have as much right to travel as adults because they are just as much a part of society as everyone else. They are children so of course they are noisy and annoying. Adults can also be noisy and annoying. That’s life. Being generous, kind and empathic helps enormously in situations like this. It’s hard for us to sit for 5 hours in one place, imagine how hard it is for a child! And to say it’s bad parenting is insanity!!!! Children don’t have the same impulse control as adults. When we fly we have to accept it’s cramped, smelly, inconvenient and uncomfortable. If we feel entitled to fly in comfort and silence we should pay for business or first class. Urgh, you’ve all made me feel itchy with your judgemental comments.

backinthebox · 12/05/2025 18:29

I work on aeroplanes, over 25 years experience. I generally find any drama brought to a situation like this is brought there entirely by the parent. I fly children round the world, day in, day out, and very few are problematic. Those that are, usually the parent enables it.

OP, it is highly annoying to be kicked in the back, even once. The passenger in front has no power to simply move away from the irritation your child is causing them. It’s not polite to swear, however it is perfectly acceptable to ask for it to stop every time it happens. If you feel they were asking a lot, they were probably being kicked a lot.

A nearly 4 yo crying because they are experiencing a situation where they cannot have what they want (a drink) instantaneously? What sort of parenting have you been doing? Surely a child ought to be able to wait a bit for a drink without it resulting in a full blown tantrum?

Delatron · 12/05/2025 18:30

It is not ok to kick someone’s seat for 5 hours! There are many ways to stop this. The OP didn’t even take off her shoes.

It’s not about babies and toddlers crying -that’s understandable. It’s about an older child kicking a seat. This can be stopped!

DoYouReally · 12/05/2025 18:31

Anyone kicking a seat is annoying but you can always tell the parents who are trying to control it (you can hear them explaining to the child, you have to stop kicking the seat in front of you as it's not very nice, telling them why they are talking off their shoes or suggesting they sit differently, offering them distractions, even bribing them- you're a big girl now etc... if you are really good, we do such and such when we get to the airport etc.)

And then there's parents who appear badly prepared, don't try much to help the problem and adopt the children being children approach.

No one minds the first one much as they know they are doing everything they can....you don't seem to have done everything you could.

The fact the woman was an absolute asshole still doesn't excuse the fact you were poorly prepared and did very little to help the situation.

stichguru · 12/05/2025 18:31

How huge is your 4 year old?! No seriously, I mean given the number of tall, plus size people who write about being squished into those plane seats, even a big 4 year old could wriggle for England without kicking the seats in front. Like no, the problem here was not that 4 year olds are wriggly, but this 4 year old was being taught the disrespect others like her mum obviously does.

AngryBird6122 · 12/05/2025 18:32

@FairPlayer274 OP just get off this thread, you are getting a v hard time! You've got some tips for next time, have a great holiday and forget about it.

QuaintPanda · 12/05/2025 18:33

With chronic back pain, someone kicking my seat is absolutely excruciating. It‘s more than an annoyance, it’s absolute pain.

DS has flown several times from birth. Now 8, if I‘ve had to ask him not to kick the seat, I‘ve only had to say it once. That time, I explained it was hurting the person in front.

However, if he were a different child, I would have held his feet or - at 4 - given him consequences for kicking.

Supporthelittleguys · 12/05/2025 18:35

The kid wasn’t intentionally kicking the seat, she was uncomfortable. People are sooo intolerant of children, as if they never were one. I’m sure you were annoying at some point in your childhood too! If the parents are sitting doing nothing it’s valid to feel annoyed, but when you can see and hear the parents trying & you still result to be a sweaty, intolerant fuckwit. Well you’re just a dick… YANBU op.

misssunshine4040 · 12/05/2025 18:35

I voted YABU unreasonable as your child should have not been kicking the seats at 4 and the stuff that was your responsibility.
However the person in the seat addressing your child rather than aiming this at you, then swearing and using the threats they did would have been getting getting put right in their place.

Disgusting behaviour.

Delatron · 12/05/2025 18:36

Gosh well now I know why my seat is often kicked by kids on airplanes. I just wouldn’t let my child do this.

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:37

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:15

Everyone on aeroplanes isn't awful. No-one wants to have their seat kicked by a child who not only can't self manage, but can't be managed by the parents either.
We've all put up with minor stuff, but that's really not acceptable.

The seat kicking described sounds pretty minor.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:38

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:37

The seat kicking described sounds pretty minor.

No it doesn't.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:39

Delatron · 12/05/2025 18:30

It is not ok to kick someone’s seat for 5 hours! There are many ways to stop this. The OP didn’t even take off her shoes.

It’s not about babies and toddlers crying -that’s understandable. It’s about an older child kicking a seat. This can be stopped!

Exactly this ⬆️

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:40

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:38

No it doesn't.

It really does.

Panamacatinahat · 12/05/2025 18:41

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:37

The seat kicking described sounds pretty minor.

It absolutely doesn’t. It’s weak parenting at its finest.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 12/05/2025 18:41

Any contact with the seat in front (beyond an initial accidental kick), is unacceptable. Every time she uncrossed you should have reminded her to keep them crossed. I know all kids get tired, thirsty whatever but allowing her to make contact with the seat in front repeatedly - even if you didn’t think “it was that hard” - that was on you. The woman might not have got so annoyed with the crying if her seat wasn’t being bashed.

Delatron · 12/05/2025 18:41

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:40

It really does.

It’s not minor having your seat kicked for your entire plane journey. It’s really annoying. Hence the woman getting irate.

GeorgianaM · 12/05/2025 18:42

Your op translates as -

I’m an entitled and ineffectual parent who believes my child can repeatedly kick the woman in fronts seat and the woman should just suck it up!

NeverDropYourMooncup · 12/05/2025 18:42

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:23

Right, let me just keep one arm pressed down on her legs while also trying to distribute snacks and entertainment to keep her quiet in a 2 sq ft area without elbowing the person next to me constantly, making a mess, or unfastening my seatbelt and delaying the entire plane.

More space, next time. (and no, I’m not exaggerating the dimensions. I’m attaching a photo of my knee almost against the seatback. I am 5’5/65 cm)

I think if I could afford flights to California, hiking equipment and an iPad, I'd have asked if I could pay 3 x £60 to get upgraded myself, thereby being more comfortable, giving the repeatedly kicked passenger a peaceful, non painful flight and for my fidgety, unhappy 3 year old space to fidget, wriggle and generally be a three year old on a long, boring flight.

I'd have also taken off her shoes the moment she started kicking, but that's by the by.

Drivingmissrangey · 12/05/2025 18:42

You seem very quick to blame the fact it was a low cost airline OP but the following are nothing to do with the airline and all on you/your daughter:

  • not having a drink to hand for your daughter (but really what 4 year old cries because they can’t have a drink for a few minutes)
  • not being set up with headphones, etc
  • not having the sense to take your daughters shoes off
  • your daughters poor behaviours definitely isn’t the fault of the airline

I would have been raging if my seat was constantly kicked like that.

BreadInCaptivity · 12/05/2025 18:44

Supporthelittleguys · 12/05/2025 18:35

The kid wasn’t intentionally kicking the seat, she was uncomfortable. People are sooo intolerant of children, as if they never were one. I’m sure you were annoying at some point in your childhood too! If the parents are sitting doing nothing it’s valid to feel annoyed, but when you can see and hear the parents trying & you still result to be a sweaty, intolerant fuckwit. Well you’re just a dick… YANBU op.

I’m certainly not intolerant of children.

I am very intolerant of ineffective parenting though.

Does not matter why the child was kicking the seat. It was the responsibility of the OP to prevent it.

But she:

  1. didn't think to remove the child’s shoes
  2. was woefully unprepared for the flight re drinks and entertainment
  3. booked the cheap seats with minimal room
Yeoldlondoncheese · 12/05/2025 18:44

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Well behaved children who listen to their parents exist…who knew!!