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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Airplane drama!

787 replies

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:27

DD is a month shy of 4, and we’re flying into California for a hiking/camping trip. The flight is 5 hours, and we booked the cheapest one we could. Naturally, the space between rows of seating are insanely small (that’s what I get for scrimping, I suppose), and DD is at an awkward height where the edge of the seat is hitting her upper/mid calf, so her feet are forced outwards if she’s not sitting closer to the edge so that her knees can bend (if that makes sense?) She’s also inherited my boat feet, so the ends of her shoes are literally a couple centimeters from the seat in front of her.

She was having a hard time getting comfortable in her seat for take off, and every time she went to adjust herself, her feet moved and touched the seat in front of her. Not like, intentionally full force kicking the seat or anything (which I’ve definitely experienced in the past. I’m not sure a car seat would have helped with distancing her from it, either.) She also just fidgets a lot because, y’know, she’s a child. The woman sitting in it (I’m thinking she had to be in her late 40s, maybe 50s) turned around and directly told my daughter to stop kicking her seat. I reiterated to DD to sit still and try to keep her feet to herself.

She was struggling to do that, so I tried to have her lie down with her feet on my lap (it’s an early flight; she should be sleeping anyhow), but the flight attendant came by to say she needed to be sitting upright and facing forward for take off, so I put her back to where she was. A few minutes later, the woman turns around again and loudly snaps (almost shouting) “Stop kicking my seat! This is the last time I’m telling you!” Which, idk seems kind of like a threat ? I certainly would have spoken to the parent, not the child, and used different words, or involved the flight attendant if I was so bothered by something s/he was doing. And I know it’s certainly annoying to have someone touching your seat, and I was (audibly, I think) doing my best to keep that from happening. I apologized to the woman and kept trying to keep DD still.

A few minutes go by, and we’re about to start taxiing to the runway, and DD starts whining that she’s thirsty. (Me being a dummy dumb dumb, I left our drinks from the airport in the carry on I stowed) I told her they’ll bring us something to drink in a bit, once we’re in the air. I honestly think DD was being pretty patient, but she is tired, and started to cry after a while. (Full tears, definitely noisy, but not like, throwing a fit or anything.) I was desperately trying to get her headphones synched to my phone and a YouTube video pulled up in order to distract her. The fidgeting continued, of course.

The woman in front of us (WIFOU) started cursing in both English and Spanish (not turned around again, but definitely directed at us), saying things like “Shut the fuck up!”, “Son of a bitch! Make her stop!” “ And “I’m about to fucking develop Tourette’s!” Which I was aghast to hear in a cabin with lots of children in earshot, and also thought was pretty insensitive to people who actually have Tourette’s.. Her partner made comments about how it’s going to be a long flight and they weren’t going to get any sleep.

The swearing only made DD cry more. I didn’t say anything to them, but just kept working on quieting her down. Used bribes snacks, threats consequences, distractions, and promises, and eventually succeeded. Course, soon as mine stopped, another child started having a tantrum behind us. This elicited “Knock that thing out with some fucking drugs!” from WIFOU. I was surprised the flight attendant (FA) didn’t say anything to her about it. I thought, maybe she should be the one knocking herself out with drugs, but kept that to myself.

By twenty minutes into the flight, WIFOU and her partner had asked three times to be moved, but the only available seats were “upgraded” to be more comfortable and spacious, and cost an additional £60 each, and they refused to pay. The third time, the FA checked in with DD and I and gave me an obligatory “Can you have her stop kicking? I know she’s a child…” I told her “We’re trying,” and she nodded understandingly and went back to her duties.

The fourth time they asked to be moved/upgraded, they were getting irate. FA looked embarrassed to have to insist they pay for the better seats. I interjected and suggested that the couple switch rows with DD and I, so that at least she wouldn’t be behind them. This irritated the people sitting in the aisle seats, who had to get up to allow us to shuffle around, but it at least stopped their complaining. I was worried DD was going to piss off our new neighbors ahead, but thankfully it was a little boy sitting in front of DD, and he didn’t seem to notice
DD’s wiggling about… I finally just got her to sleep, 2.5 hours in.

I think next time we will either cough up the funds for more spacious seating or just fly via a different airline… But honestly, I see airplanes as just another form of public transportation that’s gonna have crying and fidgety kids on it, with parents ranging from desperately trying to keep their littles polite and unassuming, to entitled parents who think it’s their kids’ right to run wild and do as they please... If I didn’t want to hear or feel them, I’d probably wear my hearing protection I use for my job, and purchase the seat behind me. Usually I just put up with it, since I empathize. I don’t think children should have to miss out on traveling before they’re fully developed, either.

What’s your opinion?

OP posts:
MaggiesShadow · 12/05/2025 18:07

Holiday24 · 12/05/2025 18:02

These things happen. Children are difficult sometimes (especially in confined spaces!) and you did your best to stop her.

What I've learnt through my life is that no matter how hard you try, you're always going to piss someone off. So I try my best to be kind to others, but if I do manage to annoy someone I apologise and move on. In return, I try to be patient and accommodating to others, even if they're slightly irritating. It makes life easier all round.

So, I guess what I'm saying is - don't dwell on it! You'll have learnt some lessons for next time, but the woman sounds like she's easily provoked so I wouldn't worry that you've upset her.

This is the crux of it, though. It doesn't seem that OP did her best to make it stop. It's very much giving a sense of entitlement and 'she's only a child'.

A four-year-old loudly crying, kicking seats, and refusing to sit still for even ten-minute increments isn't really acceptable. Nor is a child being unable to go a little while without a drink then wailing when it doesn't appear.

I am painfully aware of how difficult children can be sometimes. But a lack of preparation and willingness to be firm on the OP's part shouldn't mean an annoying, uncomfortable, loud, and irritating journey for everyone else.

I don't subscribe to the children should be seen and not heard camp, and I know they can't and won't always be still and silent, but we need to at least mitigate the damage they do!

harriethoyle · 12/05/2025 18:07

@FairPlayer274 AIBU?

The vast majority of posters: Yes

OP: no I’m not I’m not because #insertrandomexcusehere

Other posters: you still are

OP: no I’m not!!

🙄 I can see where your daughter gets it from.

suburberphobe · 12/05/2025 18:08

^I hate children kicking my seat and I have never allowed my children to do it.
How did you get them not to?^

OFFS, Bring your kids up properly! It's not hard.

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:10

I haven’t flown in years, the last time was 2018 with my then 2 year old and she was naturally difficult and everyone was lovely. It seems as though these days everyone on aeroplanes are awful. I think you did amazing to not get up and give her a mouthful because I don’t think I could hear someone speaking about my child like that and not get up and become vicious.

Lentilweaver · 12/05/2025 18:10

We used to take 12 hour flights to see family overseas. I did not allow my kids to kick the seat and I was prepared with snacks, drinks, entertainment etc.

That said, she was excessively rude.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 12/05/2025 18:10

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 17:41

I already said next time we’ll get the bigger seats or fly a different airline. The seating wasn’t t this bad the last time we flew.

I’m not speaking ill of her for not wanting to pay for the upgrade, but rather for her language around children. She didn’t need to curse, suggest drugging them, or refer to them as “things”

It’s not like parents can really move their children from their seats if they’re being bothersome, either. At least on a bus or a train, there’s usually open seats, and you can get off at the next stop if the situation is untenable. Or like, in movie theatres or restaurants, you can carry them out if they’re misbehaving. It’s not like that on a plane

Or maybe accept that your daughter isn't ready for flights of that length? And/or you're not prepared to handle her behaviour on flights of that length?

I'm sure it depends on the child, but I didn't feel my DD could cope with 5+ hour flights till she was 7, so we didn't go anywhere that required them! She's great on flights now, both short-haul and long-haul, and no she's not a perfect kid and no I'm not a perfect parent, but she hasn't tried to kick the seat in front since she was a toddler (and I told her no and she stopped doing it).

BreadInCaptivity · 12/05/2025 18:10

Changeyourlifes · 12/05/2025 18:00

I think everyone here was badly behaved including you and your daughter.

Your posts here give off an attitude that people have to bend to your lifestyle choices. It’s a bit odd. Ultimately no one forced you to bring your child on that plane, and you managed to cause a lot of disruption.

Children definitely shouldn’t be repeatedly kicking seats and the fact you had to be asked to intervene on several occasions is indicative of poor parenting. The fact you think everyone else should just deal with it whilst you’re faffing with headphones and YouTube is ridiculous. On this flight you crossed paths with someone who gave you a taste of your own medicine. She didn’t back down and neither did you. You both had main character syndrome

There’s a lot you could have done before the flight, such as getting your child tired before the flight so she would sleep faster, making sure she was comfortable (would a pillow or cushion have helped her? Blanket over her feet? Etc). Even just checking the dimensions of the seats vs her legs would have alerted you to a potential issue with her height sooner. It’s your job as a parent to search out that information to ensure your child is comfortable more than anything, instead you just went cheapest possible option without thinking through the reality & the consequences. I feel sorry for your child.

I think that is a pretty fair summary.

A per my pp we’ve flown with the DC’s at that age and never had this issue.

Put simply we were just very well prepared and the DC’s had learned that no, meant no.

I’m not sure about anyone else but the more the OP posts I’m just imagining an all to familiar scenario of so called gentle parenting (so called because it gets a bad rap as done properly boundaries are made clear) where the parents just ineffectually mutter “oh please don’t do x darling” or “please can you do x for mummy” on repeat without actually doing anything practical to address the behaviour.

MayaPinion · 12/05/2025 18:13

Good lesson for you there, OP. Be prepared next time - that means shoes off, drinks, snacks, and activities, at the ready.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:13

Bumblebeestiltskin · 12/05/2025 18:10

Or maybe accept that your daughter isn't ready for flights of that length? And/or you're not prepared to handle her behaviour on flights of that length?

I'm sure it depends on the child, but I didn't feel my DD could cope with 5+ hour flights till she was 7, so we didn't go anywhere that required them! She's great on flights now, both short-haul and long-haul, and no she's not a perfect kid and no I'm not a perfect parent, but she hasn't tried to kick the seat in front since she was a toddler (and I told her no and she stopped doing it).

Good points

fuzzwuss · 12/05/2025 18:14

The passenger in front of you sounds completely crazy, although she did sort of have a point before she went psycho. Did you not bring a seat cushion for dd, one of those wedge things, or ask for a cushion for her to sit so that she was more comfortable? Why was she wriggling around so much? Sorry, I can't believe that you didn't take off her shoes or have anything organised to distract her or even have a drink. In the nicest possible way, you could have prepared better. BTW you could have called the stewardess for some water, they will bring you some even if the seatbelt signs are on if it is for a child or for medication.

Ellmau · 12/05/2025 18:15

She should not have sworn but you should not have let your DD kick the seat.

It might have been a good idea to offer to swap seats after the first incident.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:15

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 12/05/2025 18:10

I haven’t flown in years, the last time was 2018 with my then 2 year old and she was naturally difficult and everyone was lovely. It seems as though these days everyone on aeroplanes are awful. I think you did amazing to not get up and give her a mouthful because I don’t think I could hear someone speaking about my child like that and not get up and become vicious.

Everyone on aeroplanes isn't awful. No-one wants to have their seat kicked by a child who not only can't self manage, but can't be managed by the parents either.
We've all put up with minor stuff, but that's really not acceptable.

ScaryM0nster · 12/05/2025 18:15

She didn’t need to swear.

You didn’t need to do a poor job of planning for the flight and arrangements for your daughter to stay sufficiently comfortable, entertained and supervised.

Your daughter didnt need to keep kicking the seat.

No one covered themselves in glory. Draw a line under it, get a better plan for the way home and move on.

(Suggestions:
Fold up jumper behind daughter so legs each edge of seat. Tactically choose who she sits behind from your allocated seats. Have drinks and snacks available for take off and landing. Tactical deployment or treats and entertainment. Shoes off. Etc).

Delatron · 12/05/2025 18:17

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:59

I don’t think I’m minimizing it though. I’m sure it was annoying, and I’ve experienced it myself. And nobody likes to listen to crying children. I’ve never sworn at them or suggested drugging them for it, though.

Give over. You were minimising it by not taking it seriously and dealing with the problem. It’s not ok to let your child kick someone’s seat continuously. It’s really, really annoying. There were loads of things you could have done to sort the situation.

The crying was on top of the seat kicking. Your child is nearly 4 not a toddler. You should be able to deal with this.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:17

OP, there is some excellent advice on here, we've all been in aeroplanes with young DC, sometimes long haul. Take the advice, and make sure you plan better next time.

MagdaLenor · 12/05/2025 18:18

OP, why didn't you offer to pay for the woman's upgrade?

MNpenisadvisor · 12/05/2025 18:20

She can't wait half an hour for a drink?!?

MyDeftDuck · 12/05/2025 18:20

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:31

How did you get them not to?

My children and grandchildren were all encouraged to remove their shoes and sit cross legged when their legs were too short for the seats……..sorted!

CamillaMacauley · 12/05/2025 18:21

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:33

And they just… sat still?

Yes. Of course. Any NT 4yo should be able to follow basic instructions and not kick the seat in front of them.

A 4yo no matter how big her feet are or how awkward her legs are should be able to avoid the seat in front. Could you not have put a coat bundled up behind her to move her forward so her knees could bend and she could point her lower legs down?

if necessary I’d have clamped a hand over her lower legs and pinned her legs to the seat until she stopped kicking but to be honest I would never have needed to take things that far.

OP, I have ankylosing spondylitis- someone kicking my seat would have been agony for me. Of course there’s no excuse for swearing, etc but I can understand someone being pissed off with you. Maybe stop flying for a bit?

CatherineofIslington · 12/05/2025 18:21

I think the passengers in front sound unhinged, but flying economy comes with all sort of annoying things. I fly a lot and could write a long list. Ryanair seats for example, are paper thin and you can feel every movement behind you and children are not always able to sit as still as adults.

I have been on some rough flights with my children when they were little and now I always feel sorry for parents trying to control theirs because I know how difficult it can be.

Some people might react more aggressively on flights and some are anxious, stressed about flying.

willstarttomorrow · 12/05/2025 18:22

This woman wanted an upgrade for free.
I travel frquently and agree with you that cheap plane travel is just like taking a bus. I think you are herting harsh treatment here, it sounds like you tried and maybe could have planned better but this woman was totally disproportionate in her response.

Children cry on planes, not much anyone can do- although most parents come armed with things to try and soothe/distract/ bribe. I have been really lucky I do not have a child whose does or with inner ear issues, for those parents that do, they have their work cut out. They get uncomfortable and need constant distraction in a tiny space.

The parents I absolutely have no time for are those who 'loudly parent' during flights- so we are all aware of their amazing off-spring and what brilliant parents they are. Next who do not pack head phones (no issue with using devices to pass the time in a child unfriendly environment- just courtesy). Lastly spend the entire flight walking them up and down the plane.

I have flown with DC a lot since 3 months old and have been really lucky in there was only one flight (bizarrely the shortest one we ever took when she was 3) where I felt absolutely exasperated and worried that she may be annoying the person in front. She was just more restless despite distractions and I was conscious this may have resulted in pulling/kicking the seat despite frequent warnings. It was unusual but I can still remember it now and being on edge 15 years later....

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 12/05/2025 18:23

This brings back horrible memories from years ago. We were on a 6hr flight back from our holiday and this bratty wee 4yr ish boy kicked our seats. The Irish mother yapped for the whole flight very loudly from 2am. We asked her to tell him to stop, she told him off once then got back to her yapping. Between the four us we kept switching seats so it wasn't just 1 of being abused for the whole flight.
It's fucking awful having your seat constantly kicked.
I'm older now and give less of a shit so would never tolerate this behaviour again.
People, get your kids under control!

outerspacepotato · 12/05/2025 18:24

You were poorly prepared. You parented poorly. You didn't control your child when she was being a brat kicking the seat. It seems like you mostly just whined instead of doing something like taking her shoes off or putting a blanket between you kid and the seat.

You got off light.

CamillaMacauley · 12/05/2025 18:25

FairPlayer274 · 12/05/2025 16:48

I did. Repeatedly.

Then honestly- you need to be stricter and give her a good bollocking. Sorry, but it’s true.

olympicsrock · 12/05/2025 18:26

I’m sorry OP but it sounds like DD was a PITA. She should be able to be quiet for 30 mins , not whine/ beg for things / follow instruction to not kick the seat in front of her.

I think you could have done better. Maybe you need to be firmer with her.

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