Are we over-scheduling our children's lives?

[thr335teen]

My 7 year old Year Two child has quite a packed schedule but nothing compared to some children in his class.

A couple of the boys' weeks look a bit like this:

Monday - Thursday - after school clubs such as computer skills/STEM club/art club etc

Friday - after school cricket, All Stars summer cricket at the local rugby club followed by Under 9's cricket

Saturday - football in the morning, swimming in the afternoon

Sunday - rugby.

I just don't remember our parents being this involved in scheduling our whole lives?

Am I wrong that this is too much? What do your 7 year olds do?

I think it's more to do with what is considered good parenting these days.

There were fewer orgnaised clubs and activities, but things like swimming took place once a week all throughout junior school, so there was no need for outside lessons. There were also opportunities to learn a musical instrument, which isn't the case at my DC's school.

My primary school actually did loads of clubs, which was unusual looking back. I had an activity most nights (gymnastics, science club, choir, dancing) but I didn't take up any outside hobbies until senior school when all that stopped.

God that is so depressing.

Ditto my last comment. So depressing why do junior school children need a bloody smartphone?!?

My youngest is 7yo and plays outdoors when not doing scheduled classes. He is popular with other children who play in the streets. They are all different ages. But in primary school. It's lovely to hear in the summer months.

It comes in waves. I’ve had periods where I’ve thought we’ve been doing to much - some activities are simply ones they fancied trying, and some were ones that required a commitment to (dance/gym/football/swimming etc)
And then they wane off a bit and it’s nice. And then there’ll be a school production that grabs another evening from you, and then swimming lessons will no longer be necessary.

And when they get older their commitments begin to clash and they have to make choices as to what to carry on with and what to drop.

My opinion is that as long as they are not being pushed into anything, then go with it. I’ve always found it beneficial for mine to have different friendship groups outside of school and benefits their mental health enormously once they hit their teens.

I agree it waxes and wanes and then they get older and it just wanes and wanes 😄. I don't know any kids who stuck to a rigid activity schedule for years on end - they tried out different things, sometimes those things were bunched together a bit because that's how it fell, with available groups/parent availability.

Depends on the child surely

DC1 gets tired fairly easily, needs her downtime and plenty of unscheduled alone time to work on whatever “project” she has thought up (these are many and varied).

DC2 is a Duracell bunny/Tigger hybrid who needs lots of physical activity in order to sleep and wants constant social interaction. We don’t live in a “playing out” kind of neighbourhood (London).

DC2 has a very full schedule of mainly sports because otherwise she’d never sleep and would drive us all up the wall!! She wants to do them all, the rest of us are happy chilling at home but she would get restless and bored.

then they get older and it just wanes and wanes 😄

Yes I’ve heard lots gets dropped during the teen years! So am happy for DC to do plenty now so they can get a decent level of fitness laid down (sports activities) and work out what they may or may not like to continue with.

I think that sounds far too much for a seven year old! All my daughter and her friends wanted to do after school at that age was come home and play with their toys. I took my daughter swimming once a week, usually on Saturdays, and she started doing Kumon maths after school, at her request because she was bored with her work at school. But other than that, she came home at 3.30 and played, either with friends who came for tea, or with me.

I couldn't do this kind of schedule, never mind the kids.

My son does kick boxing and scouts because both are nice and local (and we live rurally so other things are a drive).

My daughter does brownies and a church session that's mostly running around the gardens.

My son in particular has always been good at playing. He likes to set up complicated train tracks or Lego and is frustrated if he doesn't get time for this.

My daughter likes playing in the garden and climbing trees.

But they also like playing on devices and their friends drop round and they often play together. I know there are downsides but the world my eldest has built in Minecraft is impressive and has required a lot of thought and effort.

We tried football but it was travelling hundreds of miles for four a side and it took out our whole weekend. I like to go for walks, picnics, take them swimming or in the summer we go camping. We live in a beautiful place and I want them to have time appreciating that rather than rushing from building to building.

But the main reason is I don't enjoy the ferrying about!

My DC (8+6) do many extra-curriculars BUT I have put in place a few boundaries which help it feel less overwhelming:

• Whilst they technically do a club every weekday, this is generally at school 15.30-16.30 (where they would otherwise just be in ASC as we both work and couldn’t collect them so early). Therefore no more expensive then just paying for ASC and no rushing around in the car. All the clubs they do at school are their choice and we would be happy for them to attend ASC and just play if they preferred. Exceptions are beavers/cubs (a short walk from the house and they adore it) and swimming lessons (non-negotiable)
• I have refused clubs after 16.30 on a Friday as it’s family film night, chill, wine (not for DC!) snuggle on sofa
• I’ve signed them up to afternoon clubs only on Saturdays so we can have a chill morning with time for Lego, reading, colouring etc. They do winge occasionally about 3h Stagecoach on Saturday afternoons, but it’s the only precious time me and DH have to do DIY/ sort the house/ get a quick haircut/ nip to the clothes shops etc.
• No clubs at all on Sundays

I think it’s about boundaries and what works for you. It felt a lot more chaotic 6 months ago here when we had more clubs outside school mid-week and a lot of dashing around

They both do btw:

Beavers/Cubs
Stagecoach (acting, singing, dancing)
Tennis
Fencing
Art
Swimming lessons

DC 6 also does coding club and chess club

DC 8 also does singing lessons and junior choir

Dd is 7 and does none of this, home from school 3.15, we take the dog out or a bike ride or go to the beach/playground. Sometimes we’ll read or watch tv or play with friends on the street. Weekends are filled with all the kids on the road playing together, on the trampolines, swimming, dog walks and so on.
I know this won’t last and she’ll get bored and will probably want clubs when older, but for now she just loves to play, I hope it lasts as long as possible

When my kids were really young I tended to take them to playgroups where they pretty much had free play the whole time.

It's harder when they are older. I used to take my daughter to a thing called "Kid's Night Out" at the community center. They had activities kids could do but basically it was socializing. My son would go to a free gym for pick up sports, which was organized but not to the degree most team sports are.

We eventually moved to a neighbourhood where kids played out. And I was very careful about allowing them to do whatever I thought they could handle, and not letting irrational fears get in the way. So by the time she was 14 my eldest and her friends would take the bus around the city to see the sights, and my son at 10 would walk to the bookshop a few blocks away.

I think while personality is a big part of it, the people I know whose kids do loads of activities and complain their kids need organised fun as they won’t play independently never actually gave them a chance to learn.

Yes, it seems like a lot of people don't realize kids need to learn to play independently. If screens are an option they often don't.

For a very sporty and social/extroverted kid who was full of energy, that schedule would be a dream.

For most children though, it would likely be too much.

I think there is no right answer. It really depends what your kids are up for. I have two extroverts who do all the activities and one who needs a lot of downtime. But ultimately what you are aiming for is that they have an interest that will carry them through their teenage years. My 13 year old would spend all her time on her phone now only she has her swim club and scouts.

When I was that age (almost 30 years ago ...wtf!?) I did brownies, Saturday school (religious) and had a tutor that came to the house to do extra Maths and English. I know that some of the girls in my class also did ballet/tap.

I do feel like children have a lot more going on in their schedules these days compared to when I was younger. However as another PP pointed out, it keeps them off the internet and I think that's so important. My own DD is only 2 so I haven't really experienced this life with older kids just yet but I also wonder how much it is to do with keeping kids competitive when it eventually comes to applying to university. I feel like I've heard of some incredible things children have done in their personal statements lately (like starting their own companies or building websites or a national something in some sport). Compared to say DH's Oxbridge application a few decades ago - he really hadn't done much other than have good grades but was apparently good enough to get in.

I think it depends if the child wants to do it and is enjoying it. My preschooler does 4 things which seems ridiculous, but they love all of them and want to go, all short things though 45 min long. They also have zero screen time.

Yes! Your kids aren't going to drop dead if they don't have every second of the day in a schedule where's the time to just be kids and play?

I resisted over scheduling despite the pressure, and I am so glad we did. I am the other side now with much older dc and can see the damage it has done to some dc around us:

Mental health problems due to no downtime, some of the dc burnt out by pre teens/teens.

Lack of connection and bonds in over-scheduled families, there isn’t the time as they hurtle from one place to another. As they hit teen years they look externally for support which isn’t ideal at all.

In some children they see being exhausted as ‘normal’, and were completely unable to have a day off/chill, teaching children how to decompress and relax is vital for good health.

They don’t develop the skills required to keep themselves entertained, or to develop creativity and expression. Self directed time to develop themselves. They continue into young adult life expecting others to schedule their life. It stunts growth and independence.

They never learn the art of balance.

Unless parents are scheduling time away from screens, but not in clubs, just enjoying time together with games, free play, nature walks and time to potter they are depriving the child of the richness that comes with quiet time, reflection, bonding and freedom.

It is paramount to well being.

It’s too much in my opinion. My kids were allowed one hobby plus swimming (non negotiable). I wasn’t spending my entire life driving kids around.

Mine does tennis, choir, piano, lacrosse in the week and one afterschool art club. Then it’s dance and swimming on the weekend. The clubs are brilliant! Better that than screens. They’re only an hour or so anyway so plenty of time for playing after.

I've tried really hard not to. My DC definitely need and enjoy their down-time. Both now in secondary school, they only ever did extracurriculars they themselves asked to do, and stopped going as soon as they felt it wasn't for them anymore. Some things stick -choir and Drama club have been constants, but sports etc has been sporadic and definitely just for fun.

Many children can't play outside like we used to because the roads are too congested and dangerous. If children didn't participate in structured activities, they would be stuck indoors, bored and lacking socialisation.