Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Thread gallery
6
Ramblingnamechanger · 11/05/2025 14:58

A similar situation exists in Fife.

OP posts:
MrsJamin · 11/05/2025 15:00

It's absolutely outrageous. How are men's feelings prioritised above women's privacy and safety, and right to single sex spaces. The male aggression is so obvious.

Squirrelblanket · 11/05/2025 15:01

There's already a thread about this in here.

Ramblingnamechanger · 11/05/2025 15:02

Where?

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 11/05/2025 15:04

Women should not have to talk about their trauma to keep men out. Anyway the SC ruling will put an end to this nonsense soon I hope.

Pinkrabbitt · 11/05/2025 15:13

Sadly, it's not just this NHS trust, it's all of them as it comes from high up.

It's like we're living in a dystopian nightmare sometimes.

Also proof that men are still prioritised and valued over women.

Pinkrabbitt · 11/05/2025 15:20

It's like state-sponsored voyeurism.

WallaceinAnderland · 11/05/2025 15:21

Some extracts for people who don't want to click the link:

'There is absolutely no suggestion that Rose – who has a female partner, with whom he was trying to start a family – intended to cause her physical harm on that day, in 2023, but she insists Rose’s (half-dressed) presence, and behaviour, felt menacing.

She calls Rose ‘he’ through this interview, stressing that ‘everything about Rose is male, apart from the name’.

At first, when I saw Rose in there, in these boxers with holes that you could see through, I thought I was in the wrong changing room or mistaken. I was concentrating on getting something out of my locker when I heard this male voice behind me saying, “Are you not getting changed yet?”.
‘I looked over my shoulder and he was looking over his, just staring. I felt uncomfortable. I could feel the hair standing up on my arm. I just kept looking for my lip cream or whatever, but all I could think was “there is a man in the changing room”.

From there, she had a conversation with Beth Hutchison, who would emerge as the nurses’ leader. Beth had heard from other nurses that they had been concerned about Rose’s presence and behaviour. Another nurse believed Rose had been staring at their breasts. ‘When Beth saw how upset I was about even the thought of going in the changing room, she said, “No, this isn’t right”.’
Beth had a word with her superior, but when word of the nurses quiet concerns reached the HR department, they were, they claim, smacked down. The women were told it was Rose’s right to be in that changing room, and they could change elsewhere (‘they basically gave us a glorified cupboard,’ says Karen) if it was a problem.

‘Being told we needed to be “re-educated” was devastating,’ says Karen. ‘To make it worse they suggested that Rose should be the one re-educating us. Rose would be happy to do it, they said.’

She tells me that last summer, after legal papers had been served and after The Mail on Sunday had broken the story of the Darlington nurses, Karen needed an urgent hysterectomy, after years of problems with endometriosis. It was to be carried out at the Darlington Memorial – where everyone involved worked – but just a few weeks before the procedure she discovered, to her horror, that Rose was scheduled to be on duty in the operating theatre on that day, and would be part of the surgical team.

‘It was a gynaecological procedure, and his role would have been down at that end, passing the consultant the tools,’ she says, incredulous. She immediately pointed out the obvious (as she thought) issue here. ‘I told them that because there was a legal dispute under way, involving Rose, it was a conflict of interest, and entirely inappropriate that he should be involved in my surgery, especially intimate surgery like that.

‘The theatre manager also said, “How would Rose feel if she was asked not to come to theatre?”.’

Absolutely shocking 😮

GreyCarpet · 11/05/2025 15:26

It is ebsolutely shocking.

"Women have very little idea of how much men hate them."

Actually, I think a lot do and I think a lot more are waking up to the idea.

It doesn't mean it applies individually to your dad or your son or your partner or your colleague.

Most men are happy to have us around and live with us and work alongside us. Especially when they benefit from having us around.

But woe betide the women who say, "No," to men.

Ramblingnamechanger · 11/05/2025 15:31

And what are the reasons for the person here thinking this is reasonable?

OP posts:
Keirawr · 11/05/2025 15:33

This, ladies and gentlemen, is what you pay taxes for. An activist NHS that more bothered about placating men who pretend to be women, insisting on asking men if they are pregnant of questionnaires, focusing on pronouns. Just remember, thousands of businesses have or will go to the wall and people are being redundant left, right and centre because of the NI increase to pay for this shitshow.

Pinkrabbitt · 11/05/2025 15:34

Anyone who thinks it's reasonable for a traumatised victim of sexual abuse to be forced to undress in front of a man with holes in his pants who repeatedly asks her why she isn't taking her clothes off yet is not going to be able to coherently explain why they think it's reasonable.

spannasaurus · 11/05/2025 15:40

The NHS needs to be made to follow the law and keep men out of females spaces.

The policies that led to this in Darlington are the same ones that led to the NHS telling police that a female patient couldn't possibly have been raped as there were no men on a ward. It took them a year to admit that that it had happened and there was a man on the ward and they only admitted this after CCTV footage was found proving that the female patient had been raped.

tigger1001 · 11/05/2025 15:42

Sadly it's not just this nhs trust or Fife. It seems to be them all.

this poor nurse was forced to reveal her sexual trauma, had to endure that being public knowledge and then having to explain it to her children

them was asked to prioritise the man's feelings when she didn't want them being part of her healthcare. There are honestly no words for that. Given both were involved in a legsl
duspute, irrespective of what that dispute was about, he should have been nowhere near her medical care. It's beyond disgusting that no one in management put her, as the patients, needs first. And actually threatened to withhold vital medical care unless she dropped her request that he was excluded from her surgery. There are actually just no words.

WallaceinAnderland · 11/05/2025 15:45

It's a simple re-direction of money isn't it.

Everyday, hardworking people go to work to earn money to pay their rent and put food on the table for their families. They get four weeks annual leave and weekends as free time to catch up on their home admin, housework, shopping, laundry, home maintenance, relaxation and family time and then it's back to work again.

They pay their taxes, a sizeable chunk of their hard earned cash goes to the government. The government allocates hundreds of thousands of taxpayer's pounds to NHS trusts across the country. NHS trusts ignore workplace law and are sued by their employees. They lose case after case after case and transfer hundreds of thousands of tax payer's pounds to the lawyers and courts.

Anyone who thinks this is reasonable is a fool. Or maybe not a tax payer.

spannasaurus · 11/05/2025 15:50

Attached is NHS guidance for dealing with a woman patient who raises concerns about a man on the ward.

"The nurse should address the patients concerns by reiterating that the ward is indeed female only"

Nurses are being instructed to lie to patients.

To think that this NHS Trust hates women *[content warning: linked article concerns CSA]
Nameychangington · 11/05/2025 15:51

WallaceinAnderland · 11/05/2025 15:21

Some extracts for people who don't want to click the link:

'There is absolutely no suggestion that Rose – who has a female partner, with whom he was trying to start a family – intended to cause her physical harm on that day, in 2023, but she insists Rose’s (half-dressed) presence, and behaviour, felt menacing.

She calls Rose ‘he’ through this interview, stressing that ‘everything about Rose is male, apart from the name’.

At first, when I saw Rose in there, in these boxers with holes that you could see through, I thought I was in the wrong changing room or mistaken. I was concentrating on getting something out of my locker when I heard this male voice behind me saying, “Are you not getting changed yet?”.
‘I looked over my shoulder and he was looking over his, just staring. I felt uncomfortable. I could feel the hair standing up on my arm. I just kept looking for my lip cream or whatever, but all I could think was “there is a man in the changing room”.

From there, she had a conversation with Beth Hutchison, who would emerge as the nurses’ leader. Beth had heard from other nurses that they had been concerned about Rose’s presence and behaviour. Another nurse believed Rose had been staring at their breasts. ‘When Beth saw how upset I was about even the thought of going in the changing room, she said, “No, this isn’t right”.’
Beth had a word with her superior, but when word of the nurses quiet concerns reached the HR department, they were, they claim, smacked down. The women were told it was Rose’s right to be in that changing room, and they could change elsewhere (‘they basically gave us a glorified cupboard,’ says Karen) if it was a problem.

‘Being told we needed to be “re-educated” was devastating,’ says Karen. ‘To make it worse they suggested that Rose should be the one re-educating us. Rose would be happy to do it, they said.’

She tells me that last summer, after legal papers had been served and after The Mail on Sunday had broken the story of the Darlington nurses, Karen needed an urgent hysterectomy, after years of problems with endometriosis. It was to be carried out at the Darlington Memorial – where everyone involved worked – but just a few weeks before the procedure she discovered, to her horror, that Rose was scheduled to be on duty in the operating theatre on that day, and would be part of the surgical team.

‘It was a gynaecological procedure, and his role would have been down at that end, passing the consultant the tools,’ she says, incredulous. She immediately pointed out the obvious (as she thought) issue here. ‘I told them that because there was a legal dispute under way, involving Rose, it was a conflict of interest, and entirely inappropriate that he should be involved in my surgery, especially intimate surgery like that.

‘The theatre manager also said, “How would Rose feel if she was asked not to come to theatre?”.’

Absolutely shocking 😮

You missed out the worst part - that if she didn't agree the male she was in a legal dispute with could have access to her unconscious body in theatre, the hospital said they would cancel her urgent surgery.

Let a man have access to your gynae surgery, because it'll make him sad if he can't. If you still say no then you can't have the health care you need.

You are just a tool for making men happy.

Butchyrestingface · 11/05/2025 15:53

They don't hate them. Hating people requires bringing a certain level of energy to the table.

They just despise them, are uninterested in them, and wish women and their silly women problems would go away.

EasternStandard · 11/05/2025 16:09

Nameychangington · 11/05/2025 15:51

You missed out the worst part - that if she didn't agree the male she was in a legal dispute with could have access to her unconscious body in theatre, the hospital said they would cancel her urgent surgery.

Let a man have access to your gynae surgery, because it'll make him sad if he can't. If you still say no then you can't have the health care you need.

You are just a tool for making men happy.

wtf

Away2000 · 11/05/2025 16:12

This is why I’d never have treatment anywhere that I worked. They were treating her as a colleague and not as a patient that should have the right to have their choice respected.

SL2924 · 11/05/2025 16:13

Dystopian and absolutely appalling. Institutionalised abuse of women. I cannot believe what I have read. The NHS should be utterly ashamed and those involved should be sacked.

Panterusblackish · 11/05/2025 16:14

I am absolutely convinced that the Democratic party in the US are losing women's votes because of their entrenched misogynistic views.

I keep seeing this on Facebook by so called 'liberal' groups. Posts that say 'cis' women are kicking butch women out of women's toilets. That they're sticking their heads under toilet cubicles to check the person isn't trans. It's clearly made up bollocks. This group of nurses have so clearly shown why this has nothing to do with toilets. Single sex spaces are a must for women for a whole plethora of reasons, sexual abuse and safety amongst them.

And as for the perpetrator Rose, why aren't the police investigating him? He's a full bodied male, exposing his genitals to women. He's clearly a peeping Tom. He's going home to fuck with wife after he's been turned on by intimidating women and openingly staring at their breasts and trying to coerce them into undressing. He's very obviously a sexual predator with a pattern of behaviour. Why no investigation?

It's interesting that the man in the Fife case wears exactly the same smirk when photographed by the press.

Any NHS trust staff member continuing to put women staff and patients at risk by not quashing men behaving like this needs immediate sacking.

The police desperately need training to undo the damage Stonewall has caused.

Helleofabore · 11/05/2025 16:20

Nameychangington · 11/05/2025 15:51

You missed out the worst part - that if she didn't agree the male she was in a legal dispute with could have access to her unconscious body in theatre, the hospital said they would cancel her urgent surgery.

Let a man have access to your gynae surgery, because it'll make him sad if he can't. If you still say no then you can't have the health care you need.

You are just a tool for making men happy.

Indeed.

Karen’s situation is complex as it covers both employment AND then as a patient.

And then, if that was all enough to cope with, HR told her that she needed educate herself and said the male nurse, rose, would be happy to lead that re-education !

This NHS trust failed to protect her on numerous fronts.

All to protect a male person with a particular philosophical belief about themselves!

borntobequiet · 11/05/2025 16:21

Good to see this getting a wider audience in AIBU.