Fighting with DH over taking oldest away

[StripeyBalloon]

DH is taking our oldest away in the summer and is booking somewhere soon. We had a fight this morning as last year when I took DS away I had to beg him to let us go for more than 2 nights (we went for 3 nights abroad) 2 nights would have barely been worth going by the time we got there etc. I remember begging him for weeks to agree to it and look after our youngest for an extra night.

DH took our oldest away after Christmas for 4 nights (meant to be 3 but turned into 4 the night before, I was just told that they were going for an extra night - not asked!)

Now he’s talking about taking DS away for 5 days - again completely fine but (I knew this would start a fight…) I said I had to beg him for weeks for us to go for 3 nights not 2 nights. I was called an aggressive woman, I’m deliberately starting a fight, I only care about myself (huh?) and fine, I’ll just not go then shall I!

It just feels unfair that I had to beg and beg when he just says they are going for 5 days without asking if I’m okay to look after our youngest (obviously I am and I want our oldest to experience fun 1-1 breaks with us)

AIBU? I shouldn’t have brought it up as I knew it would start a fight.

So do something about it. Why you think you have to beg to do something and he feels it's okay to make it so the woman he is supposed to love, has to, I don't know.

You are both incredibly immature with all this "not fair" and silent treatment. This really sucks for your children to be in the middle off. Either get some couple's counseling or get a divorce, but put stop this nonsense.

OP, do you feel like you do more of the parenting than your husband? Or that you do harder bits? Is he conrolling in other areas apart from organising holidays? How do you feel in the marriage?

Is he behaving like this because he finds staying at home with your SEN child on his own too much? That would be ok to feel that way but it wouldnt be ok to take it out on you like this. You also look after this child on your own so he should be able to manage too. If he isnt he need to find a different solution other than being nasty to you.

So just do as he does. Book and say me and ds are away for 5 nights or whatever.

He sounds like he has a horrible, nasty attitude.

This is exactly the reaction he'll have been planning - next time you'll keep mouth shut, eh? Not cause any trouble and not call him out on his hypocrasy.

It's nasty tactics on his part.

She shouldn’t have to tiptoe around him that way. It is bang out of order to give an adult partner this much deference and caution. Its inly necessary because he uses hysterical rejection, sulking, and verbal aggression to control her.