To veto a double-barrelled first name

[londongirl5]

My wife is pregnant (we’re two mums). We’ve chosen a name we both like for the baby, say Ellie (I’m not using any real names here). She also wants to name the baby after her grandmother (say Peggy Sue, who was known as Sue). To honor her grandmother she’d like to name the baby “Ellie Sue” as a first name. I’d like the first name to be Ellie, with Sue as a middle name. Neither of us will budge.

I think double-barrelled first names sound silly and “common” and I don’t want my child to be judged at school, university/job applications, appointments etc. My wife thinks it’s offensive and classist that I feel this way. She also seems to think that because she’s carrying the baby she should have more of a say. I want to keep the peace but I feel like I’m always letting her have the final say in things and I can’t call my child a name I don’t like.

Our son had a friend at school with double barrelled first and surnames, poor kid!

OP says quite clearly in her first post:

"(I’m not using any real names here)."

Double barrelled first names are popular in my husband’s culture (also from abroad) and haven’t dated yet - nor are they associated with a certain class. In fact, he’s from the very privileged family, unlike me. He suggested a name like this and I had to explain the associations for some in the UK. The spelling of my name gives away my working class background and I hate it (mainly as it always gets comments like “Why did your parents not spell it like X?!”) so I wanted to avoid my own child hating their name for another/similar reason one day. So I don’t think you’re BU doing this, as long as it’s discussed with tact.

I think I’d suggest the Peggy Sue style name just becomes your partner’s nickname for her. Like when parents call their Dc by their first and middle name sometimes?

Agree you need to discuss her feeling like she has more of a say before the baby arrives otherwise where does it end?

I went to school (in the 90’s) with a Peggy-Sue, I always thought it was pretty. I don’t have any negative connotations when thinking about double barrelled first or second names, but then some of the first names at our school are quite… unusual… Hello to little Woody (always makes me think of Buzz Lightyear) and little Loki (incredibly well behaved child, like weirdly well behaved.. is probably a 😈 at home 😂)

In short OP, names have got weirder and more varied in general, if you like both names, go for it!

Congrats btw, wishing mum and baby the best 💐

To add no one is getting bullied over having a double barreled name loads of kids have them. It often gets said on here that only poor people double barrel their kids which is more bullshit. I've met enough lily Mays living in massive houses to know that's a crock of shit too. Mumsnet is not always the real world

YANBU I don’t like double barrelled first names either. But regardless both parents get a say and if you don’t agree you both have to compromise so Ellie first name Sue middle name is the perfect compromise!

Double first names are the naffest, tackiest things ever (sorry to all the Ellie-Maes and Lily-Maes out there). Stand firm. How can she expect you to give your child a name that makes your toes curl?

If you live in the UK there isn't actually a separate slot for first name and middle names on the birth certificate anyway - you would just give Ellie Sue as her "forenames" and then it would be up to each of you to decide how many of them you wanted to use on an everyday basis.

@Dotjones

I don’t know if you’re actually American, but I am, and no one thinks Mary-Jane, Mary-Lou, or Peggy-Sue are “trailer trash” names. Mary-Jane is seen as sweet and old-fashioned, like the shoe style, and Mary-Lou and Peggy-Sue sound like middle-class women born between 1940 and 1965. Billy-Jean just looks like you’re misspelling the title of the Michael Jackson song.

Double first names that end in an “ee” sound and are followed by May or Mae do tend to sound kind of hillbilly-ish, but saying that out loud would make people think you’re a snob. Names like Mary Claire or Mary Rose or Mary Emma read more like the girl is from a conservative Catholic family.