To veto a double-barrelled first name

[londongirl5]

My wife is pregnant (we’re two mums). We’ve chosen a name we both like for the baby, say Ellie (I’m not using any real names here). She also wants to name the baby after her grandmother (say Peggy Sue, who was known as Sue). To honor her grandmother she’d like to name the baby “Ellie Sue” as a first name. I’d like the first name to be Ellie, with Sue as a middle name. Neither of us will budge.

I think double-barrelled first names sound silly and “common” and I don’t want my child to be judged at school, university/job applications, appointments etc. My wife thinks it’s offensive and classist that I feel this way. She also seems to think that because she’s carrying the baby she should have more of a say. I want to keep the peace but I feel like I’m always letting her have the final say in things and I can’t call my child a name I don’t like.

Dsd1 has a hyphenated name, and was always called by both until about mid-teens when her friends came up with a nickname and she uses that a lot. A girl in my dd's year also always called by both names.
I don't see the point in hyphenating unless you are going to use both names, otherwise it's no different than first name middle name.

Ellie Sue is a bit of a mouthful so I imagine she will end up being called one or t'other in everyday use - at least by other people.

There were a fair few Mari-Clares, Clare Frances', Mary Frances' ('Miff' for short!) when I was growing up. And every second boy was called John Paul (I was raised Catholic, born the year of the three popes!). Didn't particularly think of any of them as 'common' or 'tacky'.

Some double barrelled named I DO think of as a bit tacky and lacking in imagination (the ubiquitous use of 'Mae/May' after everything, for example. But there's nothing inherently wrong with any of them and I very much doubt the Cambridge admissions officers are going to be rejecting your child's application based on them having a double barrelled forename. I always stick my two forenames on official documents and no-one in theory has any idea whether I'm double-barrelling them or not (I don't).

I think this has got more complicated than it needs to be. The baby has two parents and her name should be one that both her parents like. You’ll be saying it 50 million times a day.

You don’t LIKE Ellie-Sue as a first name and that should be enough. Whether that’s because you think it’s a bit tacky or because a dog that bit you had that name or it’s the name of your ex or just no reason other than not liking it. You’ve already compromised on her surname.

Back to the drawing board.

Hmm, while I agree about the double barrelled name thing myself, and I doubt there are many Ellie-Sues at Cambridge, I accept I am woefully judgemental, so I’ll stay out of the actual name discussion itself. I do think it’s important both parents have an equal say. A name is such an important decision, you both need to be on board with it. You need to come up with a compromise that works for you both. This means she needs to move an inch and so do you.

If it’s helpful, in my (huge corporate) company HR anonymises the CVs and hiring managers do not see any names before choosing who to interview. Don’t know if it’s the same at Cambridge 😅

Personally I do think double first names sound silly, but I don’t have any classist issues and would not discriminate someone based on their parent’s choice of names.

There won't be many Ellie Sues at Cambridge because it's not a popular name. If you're in the UK, how many Ellie Sues do you actually know anywhere?

(not that this is the actual name)

Ivy-Leigh, Macie-May, Kiki-Blu, Ella-Rae. These are a few of MANY at my dc’s school (regrettably I live in Towie-land with every wannabe z lister/Instagram influencer. Honestly, you may as well call your kid Trailer-Trash.

Eleanor Suzanne is actually quite pretty, imho. Cambridge would be undoubtedly impressed.

I can see Eleanor Suzanne on the Benches of the Old Bailey, banging the gavel.

I have a working class background but had a middle class profession. I am snobby about names, I admit it! Each time I was asked for ideas on my grandchildren's names I'd say I really didn't have any preferences as long as it sounded good when preceded by Doctor or Professor!

I agree with you OP.

I also think both parents have to at least like the name

We don't use the gavel in English courts.

A girl I grew up with suddenly decided to double barrel her first and middle names towards the end of high school. They were really typical names too, think Anne as the middle name and Holly as first name.

She just started putting a hyphen in and signing cards as Holly-Anne, I felt a bit embarrassed for her 🤣 I didn’t even know what her middle name was until this point.

These days, even her mum puts Holly-Anne when talking about her on social media etc, when she’s the one that gave her a normal first and middle name which were used as such until she was a teenager. Weird!

There’s quite a few double names around these days and I find a lot of them quite jarring. Names that just don’t even go well together. Like Layla-Violet or Tina-Daisy. As though parents just both liked a different name so stuck them together regardless of how it sounds.

Double barrelled first names are as common as muck, (as my mother would have said.) So many poor girls were lumbered with names such as Lacey May etc in the past few years, people rightly or wrongly judge people by their names and would never would be expected to succeed in school.

Eleanor Suzanne also has something of the rebel in her.

My type of gal then! 😎

Omg the disappointment when Eleanor Suzanne ends up having a gavel free occupation.

It's really not only on MN.

Like it or not, names say something about you. It's not all hyphenated names...Marie-Clare or Anne-Marie are not in the same category as the endless Gracie-Mae or Ellie-Rae.

As long as she gets into Cambridge!

As Pandora Braithwaite one said:

Go to Oxford or die.
Go to Cambridge and live.

I don't really understand this name = a certain class thing. So to me it doesn't sound common and as a teacher I can safely say nobody I've taught ever got bullied over a double barrelled name, not even the girl that had a double barrelled first name and surname and had 10 syllables in her name! So if that's your only reason for vetoing it then you are being unreasonable!

Your wife is being unreasonable to play the "well I'm carrying the baby" card. Honestly I'd try nip that one in the bud. You don't want that to become a thing when the baby is here "well I carried the baby so...."

Agree with double first names sounding a bit common. I’d be more worried about her view as she’s carrying the baby she should get more say. She wouldn’t say that if you were a man, and how often will she say that in the future?

I’m not a fan of double barrelled names - it just seems to make things more complicated than necessary.
My eldest is 19 and there were a quite few name-Mai/May or Rose-name his age or a bit older during his school years. Not come across very many in under early teen age though.
You really can have a good guess at someone’s birth year from their name - Sharon and Tracey, Kevin and Wayne were my school cohort!

I have one of the former double barrell type name and agree there is a difference with the former ,and Lexie-May, type .

I also have a double-barrelled name (very close to the ones mentioned). I am over 50 and never had any issues (been through university and have a professional job). I use both names (mainly because I dislike the first one).

When naming my children, both parents had to agree.

Double barrelled names are so over done.

I work with children and they all seem to be Lexi-Mai, Darcie-Mai, Evie-May, Ella-Rose, Isla-Grace, Mia-Rose, Ava-Grace, Daisy-May, Ivy-May, Mila-Rose, Olivia-Rose, Ellie-May.

So dull.

Given the child will have her surname I think you shouldn't have to be stuck with a first name you have doubts about. FWIW, I think everyone subconsciously judges names (even people who claim they don't)but once you meet someone and get to know them their name becomes irrelevant.