Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh not centre of attention

90 replies

Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 20:13

Dh is gettibg overly frustrated that he is centre of attention all the time. Or rather that he doesn't get enough attention and it's literally draining me

We both work full time. I wfh 2/3 days a week, he's in the office 5 days but finishes at 2pm everyday.

The days I wfh if I don't come and say hello and then bring the laptop out to come and work in the living room with him he moans I don't want to spend time with him (I work until 9am-5pm) as I do school/nursery drop offs.

He moans that when he comes home he has to cook dinner. Again he finishes at 2pm and likes to eat at 530-6 so he usually does dinner. He says I should prep dinner during the day (while working) so all he has to do is turn it on

He moans that I don't do enough housework during the day and he then has to hoover either when he gets home or at the weekend. But then moans about how badly I hoover (ie not up to his impeccable standards) so why should I bother.

He'll moan I work too much (my job is full on so quite consuming) and if I dare to answer a few emails after the kids in bed rather than cuddle up to him or other stuff that I'm prioritising work etc. However he will often have to pop into work at the weekend to pick up paperwork and I'm not allowed to say anything. He also has weeks where he is on call so he cannot do anything so all school pick ups, clubs etc fall to me as he can't leave his phone

For reference I empty the dishwasher every morning, do all the washing (loading machine, emptying, hanging out and putting away) sort all the kids school and nursery admin etc yet I'm the one who apparently doesn't do enough for him

I'm so drained

OP posts:
QuickFawn · 09/05/2025 20:16

urgh another repulsive man child

you know YANBU, tell him to grow up and pull his weight round the house and with your dc or leave

QuickFawn · 09/05/2025 20:16

Surely he can take his phone with him if he’s on call 😂 he’s got a lot of excuses for being a lazy so and so

Sirzy · 09/05/2025 20:18

It sounds like maybe you need a calm sit down and discussion about division of labour to make sure your both on the same hymn sheet.

DogLover94 · 09/05/2025 20:18

The only thing that would annoy me is the answering emails at night - my view has always been that unless I’m the CEO, it can wait!

He sounds very needy aside from that.

Original poster
Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 20:20

Should mention the answering emails are usually why he is playing some game on his iPad. So it's not like he's sitting waiting for me to finish, he is also occupied and its not every night

But if he answers work emails, I'm not allowed to say anything

OP posts:
Sparkletastic · 09/05/2025 20:21

What are you doing? Stop wasting your one precious life.

Rhaidimiddim · 09/05/2025 20:22

Lookup " narcissist personality disorder". You are his prop, not a person in your own right.

BakelikeBertha · 09/05/2025 20:23

Oh dear! He does think you're only there for his convenience, doesn't he? Surely there's no reason why he can't prep tomorrow's dinner, while cooking today's is there? Does he not rate your job for some reason?

What makes him think you are able to take time off from your full time job, throughout the day, to do things like cleaning and cooking? Would he do that if he worked from home? I very much doubt it! Sounds like he wants you to be the little woman at home, ready with his pipe and slippers, and dinner on the table when he gets in. I really think you need to sit down and lay down the law about what you can and can't do, and what you will and won't do OP. As a matter of interest, if he finishes at 2pm, what time does he start?

CombatBarbie · 09/05/2025 20:23

What time does he start work. If he's finishing at 2 he should be doing the lions share of housework (assuming he's not starting at 4am). If he finishes at 2 why is he not collecting the kids?

Arlanymor · 09/05/2025 20:23

Does he know he's not an emperor? He needs to pull his weight with the domestic load and maybe then you can start to talk about his constant need for attention. Currently he's just sitting around on his imaginary throne complaining about you isn't he? Don't put up with it!

Pandimoanymum · 09/05/2025 20:24

This is not normal, reasonable behaviour from your husband and you know YANBU. He sounds controlling and narcissistic.

zeibesaffron · 09/05/2025 20:24

Your H is a total prick!!
It’s all controlling nonsense disguised as neediness!

You need to tell him he is a whiny, child and he needs to grow the fuck up!

Edit: you are absolutely allowed to call him out on this rubbish - you ‘not being allowed to’ is a nasty tactic to make him feel more important. This needs to stop - you work from home, he finishes at 2 you don’t need to sit in the lounge with him at all- don’t put up with this!!

I bet this is the tip of the iceberg- how does he feel about you going out with friends and having a life away from him?

BobbyBiscuits · 09/05/2025 20:24

He's an utter cock who doesn't deserve a partner.
I blame his parents? Mollycoddled to the hilt and never done anything for himself in his life.

I'd just change the fucking locks while he was out at his big important job. That finishes at 2pm? It must be exhausting for him the poor lamb.🙃

MiloMinderbinder925 · 09/05/2025 20:25

OP he doesn't want to pull his weight and he sees anything to do with the children and home as "women's work".

If a woman finished at 2pm every day, she'd be expected to do the bulk of house management but the fuckwit you landed yourself with, sees that as something to do with ovaries.

You can guess what I'd say to him but one way of handling it diplomatically may be to divide chores according to time. You have less time, so you do fewer chores. Anything he moans about such as hoovering, is his chore.

TomatoSandwiches · 09/05/2025 20:27

Ffs, this useless piece of shit needs to get together with the ops husband who wants to hobby twice a week AND join the Marines with selective dodgy knees.
If i ever met the pair of them my eyes would never stop rolling from one fuckface to the other.

Get rid of him and live your life.

DogLover94 · 09/05/2025 20:27

Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 20:20

Should mention the answering emails are usually why he is playing some game on his iPad. So it's not like he's sitting waiting for me to finish, he is also occupied and its not every night

But if he answers work emails, I'm not allowed to say anything

Equally as unnecessary.

If I was you I’d both try and get out of the habit of it - in the nicest possible way, your jobs aren’t as ‘important’ as you think they are.

Original poster
Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 20:29

He starts at 7am, literally rolls out of bed at 615, leaves at 630 to get to work

I'm uo before him, make him lunch, done the dishwasher and gone for a 25 min run on the treadmill all before he's out of bed. I tried exercising in the evening but was met with the moans of not spending enough time with him again so I now have to find time in the morning (of course DH said I should run during the day while at work!!)

He will do school run if he's not on call, so 3 out of every 4 weeks. But will make it known that I should be going with him but I usually have calls at that time most days (my line manager knows that I have kids and will use a late lunch break to do school run if needed and is fine with it)

Tomorrow we have some family round so because I have left the school bags by the door and not moved some toys that our eldest had out its my fault the house is a mess

OP posts:
Arlanymor · 09/05/2025 20:30

Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 20:29

He starts at 7am, literally rolls out of bed at 615, leaves at 630 to get to work

I'm uo before him, make him lunch, done the dishwasher and gone for a 25 min run on the treadmill all before he's out of bed. I tried exercising in the evening but was met with the moans of not spending enough time with him again so I now have to find time in the morning (of course DH said I should run during the day while at work!!)

He will do school run if he's not on call, so 3 out of every 4 weeks. But will make it known that I should be going with him but I usually have calls at that time most days (my line manager knows that I have kids and will use a late lunch break to do school run if needed and is fine with it)

Tomorrow we have some family round so because I have left the school bags by the door and not moved some toys that our eldest had out its my fault the house is a mess

Was he always like this?

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/05/2025 20:32

OP...

He's a fuckwit

Mysogynist one at that...

You have one precious life... Do you want this to be the message your kids have over how women's roles are!

MiloMinderbinder925 · 09/05/2025 20:32

Was he like this before you married? Whining about everything and incapable of making a sandwich?

SelinaPlace · 09/05/2025 20:34

Point out that you’re not his service human.

MaggieBsBoat · 09/05/2025 20:35

Read him your posts in here. No person with an ounce of intelligence would be able to justify his behaviour. If he tries it then you know that

a) he’s an idiot
b) he has zero respect for you

Endofyear · 09/05/2025 20:36

God, I couldn't put up with this whiny moaning little man-child. You shouldn't either. He sounds like he's just making your life a misery!

tobee · 09/05/2025 20:36

Is he 3 years old?

Timeforsnacks · 09/05/2025 20:38

If you sat him down and said "I feel so drained and I need help, I also want to know how you feel and how you realistically want our household/family tasks to be divided" what would he say?

Swipe left for the next trending thread