Dh not centre of attention

[Boredofitall1984]

Dh is gettibg overly frustrated that he is centre of attention all the time. Or rather that he doesn't get enough attention and it's literally draining me

We both work full time. I wfh 2/3 days a week, he's in the office 5 days but finishes at 2pm everyday.

The days I wfh if I don't come and say hello and then bring the laptop out to come and work in the living room with him he moans I don't want to spend time with him (I work until 9am-5pm) as I do school/nursery drop offs.

He moans that when he comes home he has to cook dinner. Again he finishes at 2pm and likes to eat at 530-6 so he usually does dinner. He says I should prep dinner during the day (while working) so all he has to do is turn it on

He moans that I don't do enough housework during the day and he then has to hoover either when he gets home or at the weekend. But then moans about how badly I hoover (ie not up to his impeccable standards) so why should I bother.

He'll moan I work too much (my job is full on so quite consuming) and if I dare to answer a few emails after the kids in bed rather than cuddle up to him or other stuff that I'm prioritising work etc. However he will often have to pop into work at the weekend to pick up paperwork and I'm not allowed to say anything. He also has weeks where he is on call so he cannot do anything so all school pick ups, clubs etc fall to me as he can't leave his phone

For reference I empty the dishwasher every morning, do all the washing (loading machine, emptying, hanging out and putting away) sort all the kids school and nursery admin etc yet I'm the one who apparently doesn't do enough for him

I'm so drained

Can you tell us why you're still with him? That comment someone made about the cannon really fits this man.

So is emptying the dishwasher and doing laundry the only housework you do? If he hoovers then who dusts, empties bins, cleans the bathrooms, changes bed linen? I can understand him being annoyed if those two jobs are the only ones you do.

as he can't leave his phone

Does he not have one of these new fangled mobile ones?

I would be done with that relationship.

And this shitty relationship. He’s awful. It won’t improve.

He's awful.
I suspect he isn't going to change.
I think in your shoes I would be seeing a solicitor, Making Plans and getting those ducks in a row.

But why are you letting yourself be ‘told’ anything? This man is not your boss.
Start ignoring his commands. Don’t organise dinner, childcare etc when you’re away. People can only treat you the way you allow them to treat you.
If you dropping the rope leads to
arguments then at least the situation progresses and you either resolve them or split up. Either way you will no longer be ground down by constantly allowing yourself to be treated like lesser by this man.

You need to stop. Just stop.

Who made him King of the world? He did, & he’s manipulated you into his minion.

He’s not a nice man (understatement). You rearrange your life to do things at times that suit him. He’s got his bullshit ‘on call’ excuse for avoiding things he doesn’t want to do. I bet he manages to leave the house clutching his mobile when it suits him?

He’s lazy, rude, a user & completely taking the piss out of you. You on the other hand sound amazing. This is slipping into coercive control at points. I bet he gets all sulky if you don’t go to bed at the same time as him, when it suits him?

And for the love of god, please stop making his lunch! You’re not his mum. If he was a kind, caring man that couldn’t do enough for you & his children, then maybe, if it was your choice.

But he’s none of those things. He just thinks you should because you were born with a vagina! Ask yourself why you’re going along with all his crap. Are you afraid of his reaction if you start saying No?

Yet another ridiculous man who doesn't understand that WFH means actually working, not just sending a couple of work emails in between doing laundry and cooking dinner.

As for him wanting you to come and sit next to him while you work so he can spend time with you, he is being so pathetically needy that it would make me want to cry from sheer frustration.

Tell him he is being totally ridiculous and controlling and if he doesn't stop, you will need to consider whether this marriage is working for you.

Not allowed?? He isn't the boss of you. What a prick.

I don't know how you have tolerated him this long.

This is really, REALLY, bad behaviour from him. His behaviour is already as low as it can go, outside of decending into abusive criminal activity. It's an appalling level of self-serving misogyny.

I'd be in prison by now.

No, seriously.

Leave him. He is NEVER going to change.

I'm suspicious at the potential prospect of him having you right where he wants you financially, property and child care wise.

I hope he has not got that over you.

OP, he sounds like a real bully and your relationship is abusive.

You are feeling ground down by him.
I think you should talk to someone.
Women's aid is there for women like you.
Call them.

He bullys you, you are not allowed to complain about his job but he can denigrate and bully you about yours?

Coercive controll which is worrying.

I'm using strong language so you understand how unacceptable his behaviour is.

I cannot imagine this is a happy marriage.

He sounds like a spoiled prick.

@Boredofitall1984 When I said that he laughed and said well everything will still be waiting when you get home.

That would be the end of it for me. He is deliberately being a total and utter prick to you. You need to start making plans to separate.

For some reason, he is ramping up his controlling and unreasonable behaviour. He sounds utterly thick as well as mean and needy if he thinks that because you work on a computer all day, that all you do all day is move a mouse around and answer emails. He is just trying to denigrate your contribution to the household finances.

I agree with everything everyone else has said on here re his unreasonable behaviour but I wanted to pick up on the idea many have that working from home means you are somehow also available for daily family life at the same time. Perhaps more of benefit to others reading this as OP’s issues clearly go far deeper. What worked for me to get the message across was going into a different room in the house dedicated as my office and locking the door (appreciate you need the space - bedroom might work though for this). If anyone knocked response was: ‘’I’m at work, is it an emergency?’. They soon stopped knocking.
Also, when hubby got home and said why did you not empty dishwasher/put a wash on etc my response was ‘because I was at work all day - why didn’t you?’ Obviously as he had been out the house all day his answer was the same - it rammed the point home.

“He laughter and said ‘well everything will be waiting for you when you get home’”

Maya Angelou’s saying ‘when someone’s tells you who they are, believe them the first time’ seems relevant here.

This is who he is, this is how it is for him.

what’s stopping you laughing in your turn and saying goodbye? Sooner the better.