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Original poster

Dh not centre of attention

90 replies

Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 20:13

Dh is gettibg overly frustrated that he is centre of attention all the time. Or rather that he doesn't get enough attention and it's literally draining me

We both work full time. I wfh 2/3 days a week, he's in the office 5 days but finishes at 2pm everyday.

The days I wfh if I don't come and say hello and then bring the laptop out to come and work in the living room with him he moans I don't want to spend time with him (I work until 9am-5pm) as I do school/nursery drop offs.

He moans that when he comes home he has to cook dinner. Again he finishes at 2pm and likes to eat at 530-6 so he usually does dinner. He says I should prep dinner during the day (while working) so all he has to do is turn it on

He moans that I don't do enough housework during the day and he then has to hoover either when he gets home or at the weekend. But then moans about how badly I hoover (ie not up to his impeccable standards) so why should I bother.

He'll moan I work too much (my job is full on so quite consuming) and if I dare to answer a few emails after the kids in bed rather than cuddle up to him or other stuff that I'm prioritising work etc. However he will often have to pop into work at the weekend to pick up paperwork and I'm not allowed to say anything. He also has weeks where he is on call so he cannot do anything so all school pick ups, clubs etc fall to me as he can't leave his phone

For reference I empty the dishwasher every morning, do all the washing (loading machine, emptying, hanging out and putting away) sort all the kids school and nursery admin etc yet I'm the one who apparently doesn't do enough for him

I'm so drained

OP posts:
OnlyOneAdda · 09/05/2025 21:44

LTB

KeenDuck · 09/05/2025 21:46

Is he an Indian Doctor? I’m sorry if I’m gonna get in trouble for asking that but he sounds like an Indian Doctor.
The little Prince who’s been raised to be waited on hand and foot

KeenDuck · 09/05/2025 21:47

And a god complex from work

Monvelo · 09/05/2025 21:48

Can you go to the office more often?

Original poster
Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 22:05

I have threatened to go back in the office 5 days a week (prior to Covid I was in 4/5 days a week) and wr can work from the office every day if we want although few people do. When I said that he laughed and said well everything will still be waiting when you get home

I occasionally have to travel with work, not all the time but there are 3 or 4 events a year i go to. when I do I have to leave detailed instructions and itineraries and he has to plan months in advance to go into work an hour late to drop the children off (even though I know his boss has said he can do what he wants and when he took the job he sold it me that it would help me with school runs more etc)

When he has to go away with work (much more frequent, once a month) i get told that it is what it is and to deal with it

OP posts:
Original poster
Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 22:06

It won't let me tag for some reason but the piece around the burden on women compared to men is fascinating

OP posts:
MiloMinderbinder925 · 09/05/2025 22:08

When I said that he laughed and said well everything will still be waiting when you get home

What's going on? Why has he gone completely nuts and treating you like a servant?

Gyozas · 09/05/2025 22:11

What the actual fuck is wrong with this clown? He’s horrible.

LimitedBrightSpots · 09/05/2025 22:12

MiloMinderbinder925 · 09/05/2025 22:08

When I said that he laughed and said well everything will still be waiting when you get home

What's going on? Why has he gone completely nuts and treating you like a servant?

I know, unbelievable. I would have said "well, it can all get in the bin then, for all I care".

cordeliavorkosigan · 09/05/2025 22:17

Yes absolutely ridiculous.
Here op, my first ever LTB: You should probably LTB.
This is just no way to live.
You are not the skivvy!

suburberphobe · 09/05/2025 22:17

He sounds like an overgrown needy child.

Nanny0gg · 09/05/2025 22:17

Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 22:06

It won't let me tag for some reason but the piece around the burden on women compared to men is fascinating

Why are you with him?

What is attractive about him?

He's not even likeable

Fuckfacetime · 09/05/2025 22:19

‘But if he answers work emails, I'm not allowed to say anything’

is there a cultural reason that this is ok? Sounds like he doesn’t really see you as a person.

put yourself first and doing thing for you. Can you get a cleaner, childcare, anything to reduce the burden on you ?

MyLittleNest · 09/05/2025 22:27

He sounds needy AF.

He also seems to think your entire purpose is to serve his needs--even when he doesn't exactly need you (like when he's playing games and you reply to an email, or when he wants you to join him on the school run).

I would stop making his lunches immediately. He's a grown adult and can figure it out himself. He's not your child and you're already doing the bulk of the childcare. The fact that he won't even pick up the kids on his own without you also accompanying him (did I even read that correctly???) is his way of refusing to share any responsibility here, but rather, make sure that you are spread as thin as possible. It almost feels like a control thing.

Is there anything he isn't moaning about?

I'd simply tell him that if he is this unhappy, he should leave. Lord knows you'd be better off without him!

Mandylovescandy · 09/05/2025 22:27

Boredofitall1984 · 09/05/2025 22:05

I have threatened to go back in the office 5 days a week (prior to Covid I was in 4/5 days a week) and wr can work from the office every day if we want although few people do. When I said that he laughed and said well everything will still be waiting when you get home

I occasionally have to travel with work, not all the time but there are 3 or 4 events a year i go to. when I do I have to leave detailed instructions and itineraries and he has to plan months in advance to go into work an hour late to drop the children off (even though I know his boss has said he can do what he wants and when he took the job he sold it me that it would help me with school runs more etc)

When he has to go away with work (much more frequent, once a month) i get told that it is what it is and to deal with it

I strongly relate to this - even shifting days we do drop off if it is me asking means I have to put it in the calendar and remind him about it (in the right way and at the right time obviously) whereas if it is him all he does is mention it. He doesn't moan particularly about chores but he does think he does the jobs better because his way is clearly the best way to do things. And the chatting when I am WFH - infuriating! Tbf there are other jobs he does (garden, car repairs, DIY) that I don't do I don't think our load is too unbalanced but it is difficult to remain attracted to him with this sense that he thinks he is the most important person in the relationship

Sassybooklover · 09/05/2025 22:28

Essentially, your husband views WFH as one big doss around, with you sending a few emails, drinking coffee and not doing very much. If you actually were in the office, would his view point be different? Would he see your job as suddenly more important, because you're not at home?! His mindset is that, you don't do much, so therefore you have plenty of time to do housework, meal planning etc during the daytime. WFH should be treated the same as if you were out the house in the office. If your hours are 9 am - 5 pm, then you are not available during those times, end of. He doesn't want to do chores, he wants his wife to do those things, so he belittles your job, constantly complains/moans. I'm not surprised you're drained. Living with your husband sounds awful. All I can suggest, is sitting down with him and dividing chores up. Your husband uses being 'on call', as an excuse to not do anything. Plenty of people have to be on call, yet manage to do chores etc!

Cucy · 09/05/2025 22:32

This has absolutely enraged me.

I think he’s jealous that you get to work from home, so he’s trying to ‘punish’ you for it.

Moier · 09/05/2025 22:35

And there was a thread on here...asking why so many of us prefer to be single.
This is only just one reason.
Honestly.. l couldn't cope.. too much stress ..

Nominative · 09/05/2025 23:20

The days I wfh if I don't come and say hello and then bring the laptop out to come and work in the living room with him he moans I don't want to spend time with him (I work until 9am-5pm).

Is he incapable of understanding the basic concept that, as your employers pay you to work 9-5, they're perfectly entitled to expect that you prioritise them between those hours? You could equally moan that he doesn't want to spent time with you because he goes out every day.

uncomfortablydumb60 · 09/05/2025 23:34

He treats you like his support human
You should be a team.
He doesn’t appreciate you and you deserve better

DorothyStorm · 09/05/2025 23:34

He is awful.

abracadabra1980 · 09/05/2025 23:41

Sparkletastic · 09/05/2025 20:21

What are you doing? Stop wasting your one precious life.

This. Absolutely this. He won't change-they never do.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 09/05/2025 23:42

It's a breakdown in communicating, what time does he start work, can you batch cook a few meals between you both, one evening a week.

He is BU expecting you to greet or sit with him while working on the afternoons, or clean while you're working.

I'd probably agree to no phones 2 nights a week after 7pm, no work emails or ipad for him either.

1 night a week, clean together, telling him it is your idea of quality time.

DreamTheMoors · 09/05/2025 23:42

Get a whiteboard.
List his duties in black.
List your duties in red.

After doing this, ask him if he’d like a redistribution of duties.
No?
Then shut the f**k up.

EggnogNoggin · 09/05/2025 23:43

I was drained just reading half way through.

I was going tO try being constructive and then I read this, which told me he is a lost cause and nothing you do with him will make your life better.

Piece of shit husband who wants all the benefits of a woman to be his new mum.

everything will still be waiting when you get home

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