Next door neighbour one

[Overthefence]

We both moved in at the same time.

Firstly, Good fences make good neighbours - not everyone needs to love everyone else.

I’m bored and thinking what others might do with this.
Next door neighbour is prickly not with us but everyone and snappy to the point of rudeness.
DH and I are - nice and want our own space but nice to say good morning and leave each other alone the rest of the time etc

She was a bit difficult on the day we all moved in - told us she was upset at our dog being in the garden for 20 minutes alone whilst a sofa was delivered 🙄etc as she didn’t believe dogs should be left alone (dog was lying in the sun with other dogs and teenagers were sat out there) and asked us how long it was going to left alone. We said 10 minutes - front door open we need to get the sofa in. We put it down to moving in stresses.
She then shouted at someone else (another neighbour) for parking outside her house on the road instead of on their drive. They were loading and unloading etc
She snaps at everyone. Fine we leave her alone. She then got her removals van to park on the neighbours drive (!) to unload and the neighbours were gobsmacked!!

We have been living here a few months, at least once a week we get a delivery for her or her daughter. She never collects. When DH knocks and returns the parcel there is no thanks & she snaps at him ‘I’m in all day I don’t go out, I don’t know why they have left it with you’ DH works from home all day.

She’s having some outside building works done and doesn’t seem to care about the noise we have. But has told another neighbour off for ‘watering too loudly’ with the hose at 8pm 🤣on her own garden. We are not the only ones and I would say we’ve had one snappy comment a week. We don’t bother her at all. Get the picture?

I know she has downsized and moved in due to a divorce and lost her two dogs to the ex husband. So things may be raw. But hey I don’t know anything else about her.

DH - He’s getting fed up - doesn’t mind taking in packages but fed up of her attitude - never any thanks just the same comment. He is lovely and he thinks he can’t say anything as he wants to not upset her. She’s a very angry and snappy person and I feel she is projecting her own unhappiness on others.

Life’s too short for this and I’m not stressed but my options are

1. refuse packages and say ‘she says she is in’
2. ask her what her problem is
3. kill with kindness

or other!

Part of my work role is all about disciplinaries and I’m known for taking no shit, but I try to do it factually with support and kindness and empathy but in this case I’m all for 3. Kill with kindness- Eg Are you ok Sally (not her name) when she is snappy, are you feeling ok, you seem very short on time. Sorry to hold you up, just dropping in your packages again. Or similar.
Regarding the packages ‘oh dear Sally you were in, and they dropped it off with us. How frustrating for you and how fortunate Dan was able to stop work and take them in for you. We are happy to help anytime. Have a nice evening now …., ‘ etc

I think the delivery drivers are actually a bit put by her - we have seen her shout at one who stopped at the end of her drive and her shout move your bloody van you are blocking the driveway. Errr it’s your driveway love and you aren’t going out.

what would you do?

Number 1 all the way.

Definitely refuse packages.

I would be refusing the packages and telling the delivery person that she’s home and then killing her with kindness. No matter what the reason is, it must suck to feel so bitter and angry inside all the time. Maybe a bit of your polite happiness will rub off on her and she’ll change her tune.

Just stop taking parcels for her and ignore her completely.

I would just refuse packages. If she is indeed home all day then she should be able to receive them.

Neighbours are literally the people that live either side of my house. Beyond common courtesy (shaved to sub-zero after many sly cunty episodes) that is the sum of shits I give.

She set the rules.

Refuse packages and ignore her

I can’t believe this is a question. She doesn’t deserve kindness, even if it’s fake.

Refuse the parcels.

Stop taking in her packages. Whether she's in or not, just refuse them. You owe her nothing.

Yep, stop accepting the deliveries. When forced to interact with her, kill with kindness, but don't go out of your way to speak with her.

Refuse the packages and tell the delivery driver she's definitely in. Or get a Ring doorbell that your DH can answer at his desk – I always ask over the intercom who the parcel is for before I open the door. I'm buggered if I'm going to interrupt my working day taking in someone else's Amazon tat.

Refuse all her packages, go round and unload what you feel about her and tell her that she is a terrible fucking cunt of a neighbour - and that if she wants to be treated with respect, she ought to show some herself or fuck right off into her pit of dogshit self wallow.

Never understand why people pander to cunty neighbours like this.

Stand up for yourselves! 🤷‍♂️🤦‍♂️

Personally I don’t like rows. Can’t imagine telling my neighbour she’s a “terrible fucking cunt”.

I found it hard enough telling one I wasn’t happy he’d cut down my ivy!

Not sure how the dog was out alone.. and yet with teenagers and other dogs?! Is it a communal garden? Where the other dogs/teenagers not yours?

Anyway, by the by, she sounds like a snappy cow.

I would refuse packages, 'nope sorry we don't take in for her', I'd not tell them anything about whether she is in or out, not my problem, not my business and without checking, how would I actually know.

If she speaks to you, nice and sweet and 'oh dear yes isn't it awful, never mind', bland inane bullshit, and ignore her the rest of the time. Some folk are determined to be miserable arseholes and take it out on the rest of the world, don't waste your time on them.

Yes agree with majority of no1 no more packages. And this is from someone who has been a people pleaser for 50 years and has only recently due to my own naivety and misplaced trust in people realised give an inch and they will forever walk all over you.

She needs to slowly start seeing consequences of her actions and poor DH doesn’t need the inconvenience of his work being interrupted and then the subsequent stress of dealing with the neighbour to drop off.

The garden is ours and enclosed and we own all the fences. The dog was sitting out in the garden (large) with two other dogs - sunning themselves and the teenagers were being teenagers. Not a communal garden.

DH is too kind to refuse packages - and his office is right by the front door so everyone can see he is in (we can’t move the office). If it’s me in - I will probably say ‘she says she is in for packages and gets cross if we take them in’ and fortunately the builders put a nice 6 ft fence down the middle and it’s ours🤣 our garden is higher but she’s a bit pissed off we got more house and garden for less money (we brought off plan much earlier) and told the sellers such when she found out but that’s not our fault.

Have just found out that we work in similar fields although I’m much higher up and I’m unlikely to come across her 🤣 but someone has just said Sally at number x works for ….. and I was like 🤔

Number 1. Tell the delivery driver to keep knocking as she's in, apparently. If no answer, they can push a card through. I wouldn't be taking in any parcels if I was getting rudeness as a thank you.

I used to have a neighbour who worked away and got large parcels, which couriers delivered to us. They’d block up our hall. It was too much so I said to the couriers “sorry, I don’t accept parcels for that neighbour”. They were all fine with it and shrugged. I think they remembered as well, and stopped trying to deliver her parcels to us.

‘I’m sorry, we don’t take deliveries for number XX’. Repeat as needed,

If she’s in, she should take the delivery, if she isn’t she won’t know if you husband was in or not. Delivery person isn’t going to put a card through her door saying next door won’t take the package.

I probably wouldn't refuse the packages unless it's a massive hassle to take them in. As she sounds the kind of person you're better off not falling out with! Other than that I'd just ignore / keep away from her other than "Hi" when you pass.

OP - your words...

• DH is too kind to refuse packages
• DH - He’s getting fed up - doesn’t mind taking in packages but fed up of her attitude - never any thanks just the same comment. He is lovely and he thinks he can’t say anything as he wants to not upset her.

Seems to me you have a DH and neighbour problem.

So he moans about her yet still wants to take in her parcels etc? 🤦‍♂️

Words fail me.

Do they even try her door or come straight to yours? Your DH could put a sign on your door saying that he is working and can't answer the door to take parcels?

He doesn’t need to ignore the delivery driver, he can answer the door and say no and ask the driver to try her door again.

I started saying no to one of my neighbours parcels because they realised I was part time and started having multiple delivered when I was home. Remind your dh that it’s not unkind to say no.

Refuse the packages. What a rude unpleasant woman. I wouldn’t be killing her with kindness. Just ignore her.

With that attitude I wouldn't be taking any of her packages. And step back and have as little to do with her as possible. Unless your dog is causing a nuisance, or you are badly treating it, then it is none of her business. I suspect she is just a sour puss.