Next door neighbour one

[Overthefence]

We both moved in at the same time.

Firstly, Good fences make good neighbours - not everyone needs to love everyone else.

I’m bored and thinking what others might do with this.
Next door neighbour is prickly not with us but everyone and snappy to the point of rudeness.
DH and I are - nice and want our own space but nice to say good morning and leave each other alone the rest of the time etc

She was a bit difficult on the day we all moved in - told us she was upset at our dog being in the garden for 20 minutes alone whilst a sofa was delivered 🙄etc as she didn’t believe dogs should be left alone (dog was lying in the sun with other dogs and teenagers were sat out there) and asked us how long it was going to left alone. We said 10 minutes - front door open we need to get the sofa in. We put it down to moving in stresses.
She then shouted at someone else (another neighbour) for parking outside her house on the road instead of on their drive. They were loading and unloading etc
She snaps at everyone. Fine we leave her alone. She then got her removals van to park on the neighbours drive (!) to unload and the neighbours were gobsmacked!!

We have been living here a few months, at least once a week we get a delivery for her or her daughter. She never collects. When DH knocks and returns the parcel there is no thanks & she snaps at him ‘I’m in all day I don’t go out, I don’t know why they have left it with you’ DH works from home all day.

She’s having some outside building works done and doesn’t seem to care about the noise we have. But has told another neighbour off for ‘watering too loudly’ with the hose at 8pm 🤣on her own garden. We are not the only ones and I would say we’ve had one snappy comment a week. We don’t bother her at all. Get the picture?

I know she has downsized and moved in due to a divorce and lost her two dogs to the ex husband. So things may be raw. But hey I don’t know anything else about her.

DH - He’s getting fed up - doesn’t mind taking in packages but fed up of her attitude - never any thanks just the same comment. He is lovely and he thinks he can’t say anything as he wants to not upset her. She’s a very angry and snappy person and I feel she is projecting her own unhappiness on others.

Life’s too short for this and I’m not stressed but my options are

1. refuse packages and say ‘she says she is in’
2. ask her what her problem is
3. kill with kindness

or other!

Part of my work role is all about disciplinaries and I’m known for taking no shit, but I try to do it factually with support and kindness and empathy but in this case I’m all for 3. Kill with kindness- Eg Are you ok Sally (not her name) when she is snappy, are you feeling ok, you seem very short on time. Sorry to hold you up, just dropping in your packages again. Or similar.
Regarding the packages ‘oh dear Sally you were in, and they dropped it off with us. How frustrating for you and how fortunate Dan was able to stop work and take them in for you. We are happy to help anytime. Have a nice evening now …., ‘ etc

I think the delivery drivers are actually a bit put by her - we have seen her shout at one who stopped at the end of her drive and her shout move your bloody van you are blocking the driveway. Errr it’s your driveway love and you aren’t going out.

what would you do?

Because she's ignoring the door until the delivery person gives up and goes next door to where they can see an actual human. It's not that hard to work out how this is happening (why she is ignoring the door, who knows, the mysteries of human behaviour eh!).

Then I'd put up a sign on the door, no parcels or deliveries for number x. The delivery drivers will have to knock toll she answers or take the parcels back, she'll soon get fed up when she has to go to a delivery office or reschedule.

It sounds like the delivery guy is scared of her so she is probably rude to the drivers. When OP's DH refused to take the parcel in, the delivery driver said he didn't want to knock on her door.

Unfortunately that's their job, it's not a neighbours responsibility. If she is abusive to the drivers they need to report her to their manager, maybe there is some support for the drivers and alternative arrangements, what if neighbours are unwell, on holiday, in the shower.

I’ve refused to take in parcels for neighbours that I didn’t want to interact with. If she wants to be ungrateful then she can deal with the inconvenience of rearranging/collecting them. Be nice, but avoid contact. Hopefully she’s settle down after a while.

Be a polite and pleasant neighbour, but no more than that, and don’t take parcels in for her.
She doesn’t sound very nice and anyone who is invested in my dog being in my own garden for 10/20 mins I’d class as a pain in the arse.

Refuse to take parcels in but be pleasure and on good morning, afternoon basis. As in don't put yourself out but just be pleasant.

I'd refuse the packages (because she doesn't need you to take them in, and if she has to go to the post office or another depot to collect, well, that's on her) and for the rest - just ignore. She can humph and tut and insult and tell you you're not looking after your dogs properly all she wants, but if you just look through her and turn away then there's not a damn thing she can do about it. If it makes you feel better, you can smile and say 'ok', to everything she says and THEN turn away and ignore her. She has no right at all to try to tell everyone else how to live, however stressed she might be.

Whenever I read posts like this I thank God once again for my lovely neighbours.

You could just put a note on your front door saying "Not accepting deliveries for number x"

Ndn can install a parcel box on her front wall, no need for op to take in any parcels

Refusing to answer the front door is a bit of a Mumsnet trope. Perhaps your nasty neighbour walks among us!

A couple of updates.

We have had a tough week with work and family issues.

A bit passive aggressive but on Wednesday I had a phone call with a friend in the garden and she was asking about our new house etc and I said it was lovely, a shame about neighbour and outlined the scenario as in my OP, but you don’t choose your neighbours and hey ho etc they I realised NDN was in the garden.

On Thursday (yesterday) errr some building works have been told in her garden and let’s put it this way - they aren’t safe, they effect her other neighbours garage, and her side wall on the garage side of her house, we went out at 9am and by 3 pm they had been done - no warning etc she has actually put a door in her shared part of the house (exterior) with no building regs, permission or a lintel etc. Our contract with the builders says we can’t alter anything structurally for 5 years.

Honestly it’s a joke. How her garage or the back of the house hasn’t fallen down (semi detached) I don’t know. Literally someone has knocked a huge hole - and put two doors in - no lintels, no building regs or planning permission literally they have hammered in a door frame and put some moulding in etc at the same time we realised that all the hammering last week was a huge suspended decking and parts of it are well above 30 cm. We took a deep breath and emailed site developers and council with photos. The house next to her is sold but they haven’t moved in yet so I think she was hoping to get her doors in as a fait compali type thing.

At 10 am she comes around whilst DH is working and demands her parcel. DH says he doesn’t have it. She says she has had an email saying it is left with us. DH points out we’re are rejecting all parcels as we want to help her and ‘she doesn’t like it’ and neither does he - and he hates being disturbed whilst working. DH offered to send her the footage from CCTV. She then apologises and stomps off. She did apologise and said she had found moving difficult. DH said ‘ok I need to get back to work’.

Site developers, council responded to emails by 10 am (sent today) with photos - site developers said they would be visiting today or within 24 hours and no permission had been sought in advance.

Watch this space.

Royal Mail once did that with us. Card saying ‘next door refused and no one else in’.
She refused everyone’s. I kind of got it because she was home when most neighbours were out at work so she got a lot of knocks!

Eeek, doors with no lintel in a supporting wall? I do hope its resolved before something falls down!

If she's having building work done she has no control over how noisy it is. As long as they start after 8 and finish before about 6 they just have to get the job done.

How do you know she 'doesnt care' about the disruption?.she's hardly going to tell you she thinks her own building works are intolerably noisy.

Just don't accept parcels for her. Just say no sorry and point towards her house. No need to give a reason.

I hope you can just keep your civil distance and things will calm down. The last thing you want is a tit for tat ongoing vendetta style disagreement with your next door neighbours. Unless you know you're leaving next week!

@Overthefence What's been happening with the neighbour since your last update?