Next door neighbour one

[Overthefence]

We both moved in at the same time.

Firstly, Good fences make good neighbours - not everyone needs to love everyone else.

I’m bored and thinking what others might do with this.
Next door neighbour is prickly not with us but everyone and snappy to the point of rudeness.
DH and I are - nice and want our own space but nice to say good morning and leave each other alone the rest of the time etc

She was a bit difficult on the day we all moved in - told us she was upset at our dog being in the garden for 20 minutes alone whilst a sofa was delivered 🙄etc as she didn’t believe dogs should be left alone (dog was lying in the sun with other dogs and teenagers were sat out there) and asked us how long it was going to left alone. We said 10 minutes - front door open we need to get the sofa in. We put it down to moving in stresses.
She then shouted at someone else (another neighbour) for parking outside her house on the road instead of on their drive. They were loading and unloading etc
She snaps at everyone. Fine we leave her alone. She then got her removals van to park on the neighbours drive (!) to unload and the neighbours were gobsmacked!!

We have been living here a few months, at least once a week we get a delivery for her or her daughter. She never collects. When DH knocks and returns the parcel there is no thanks & she snaps at him ‘I’m in all day I don’t go out, I don’t know why they have left it with you’ DH works from home all day.

She’s having some outside building works done and doesn’t seem to care about the noise we have. But has told another neighbour off for ‘watering too loudly’ with the hose at 8pm 🤣on her own garden. We are not the only ones and I would say we’ve had one snappy comment a week. We don’t bother her at all. Get the picture?

I know she has downsized and moved in due to a divorce and lost her two dogs to the ex husband. So things may be raw. But hey I don’t know anything else about her.

DH - He’s getting fed up - doesn’t mind taking in packages but fed up of her attitude - never any thanks just the same comment. He is lovely and he thinks he can’t say anything as he wants to not upset her. She’s a very angry and snappy person and I feel she is projecting her own unhappiness on others.

Life’s too short for this and I’m not stressed but my options are

1. refuse packages and say ‘she says she is in’
2. ask her what her problem is
3. kill with kindness

or other!

Part of my work role is all about disciplinaries and I’m known for taking no shit, but I try to do it factually with support and kindness and empathy but in this case I’m all for 3. Kill with kindness- Eg Are you ok Sally (not her name) when she is snappy, are you feeling ok, you seem very short on time. Sorry to hold you up, just dropping in your packages again. Or similar.
Regarding the packages ‘oh dear Sally you were in, and they dropped it off with us. How frustrating for you and how fortunate Dan was able to stop work and take them in for you. We are happy to help anytime. Have a nice evening now …., ‘ etc

I think the delivery drivers are actually a bit put by her - we have seen her shout at one who stopped at the end of her drive and her shout move your bloody van you are blocking the driveway. Errr it’s your driveway love and you aren’t going out.

what would you do?

If your DH takes in the parcels, keep them until she calls to collect, don’t drop them over. Or if you have her number, text her and say parcel is here whenever you want to collect.

Put a note on your door saying only parcels for this address.

' He’s getting fed up - doesn’t mind taking in packages but fed up of her attitude - never any thanks just the same comment.'

He's obviously a nice man and many would go along with this to be the better person but there comes a point when you have to assert yourself if others are taking the mick so with parcels jusy say sorry we can't take it and leave it at that.

I personally wouldn’t bother with any sort of trying to explain yourself. With someone like that it might just create drama, it doesn’t sound like she’s calm and reasonable. Just quietly stop taking in parcels. I would say your biggest risk here is that you look like pushovers. If you’re running around trying to be polite and handing her parcels, she’ll be thinking she can get anything she wants with you, because you’re too scared of her. If in future there’s a bigger issue - boundary fence, etc - she’ll expect to walk all over you and get her way. I’d personally be going for a different impression: we’re not pushovers, we’re polite / civil if approached, but you are rude which we don’t tolerate so we keep our distance, and this is an equal situation of what should be mutual respect so you won’t always get your way.

I feel sorry for the delivery driver.

Personally I would take the packages and just chuck them over the back garden fence.

That way the driver won't be blamed for non delivery and you will have sent a clear message to her to answer her fucking door when they turn up.

I would put a sign on your door stating that you don't take parcels for any other address than your own and not to knock as DH can't be interrupted while working. Like fuck would I be doing anything to help a neighbour who was consistently rude!

Refuse any more parcels, and ignore her completely unless she talks to you.

I will do parcels/bins all that, happily for nice normal neighbours who at least say Hi and thanks and might return the favour (if they can) occasionally. Rudeness like that gets nothing!

Just ignore her. Don't take any more packages in for her. If she speaks to you, stick your nose in the air and walk away.
We did this to a next door neighbour who thought he was king of our road and complained at everything. He took the hint.
With people like her, you can't get anywhere if you try to get on. She's lucky you're nice, others might have already told her where to go.

I would refuse to take the packages, just say ‘Next door!’

But every time she is rude or snaps I would say ‘You’re so welcome, have a lovely day Sally’ and smile.

I would stop taking in parcels.

If she was snappy at me again I would simply say do you mean to be so rude and wait for a response. No response I will just carry on with what I am doing.

Shouts at me, ignore

If your husband doesn't want to refuse to take in the parcels I would take them but just wait for your neighbour to collect, I would stop taking them round to her house completely

I really can't understand her problem with your dog being shut out in your garden on a nice day, having fun with some other dogs and teenagers. That is bizarre...

She'd hate me, my dogs are out sunbathing all by themselves (I can see them through the open door but I am not out there as I am at work right now)... one of them might even swear at a sparrow if it carries on trying to pull her tail (I can see peevish ears already!).

I'd certainly stop bending over backwards for her, do whatever is least stress for you all. Either refuse to take in parcels or if you do, let her come fetch them.

Yes probably. But I can’t do super nice when annoyed. Interesting we had a delivery at 7 am for her, DH answered the door and said ‘Nope not for next door she doesn’t like us taking in parcels’ - we get up at 5 am and they clearly saw we were up so I don’t mind a 7am knock …..and he said ‘oh god I can’t knock on her door’ and DH said ‘and I am not going to either so you can’t give it to me’. Thank god her outside decking is all complete now but when we do our garden in the May half term if she moans about noise she will get told just to jog on. Such a shame but we didn’t choose her.

Hurrah for your DH !

Good for your husband! Why doesn’t she answer her door? She can obviously hear you knocking or whatever, or are they coming straight to you? Not on if so.

What do you mean ‘the dog’ was in the garden with other dogs. Whose dogs? And why was she only concerned with ‘the dog’ and not the others? Very weird.

I’d tell her to fuck off to be honest. And refuse all parcels.

About time your DH grew a backbone and refused to take delivery of the NDNs parcel.

If he'd have done that earlier, he'd be a lot happier.

She will soon learn to answer her door when your DH rejects all her parcels and she is left notes to tell her the parcels can't be delivered.

I would stop taking anything for her, stop engaging and become a lot less pleasant.
✋️if she tries to engage, "not interested".

She had her chance. She is extremely rude and you're both behaving like doormats IMO.

Regarding your dog in your garden "mind your own business" or less polite.

The mistake was tolerating her in the first place.

I’d do 1 and 3.

Refuse parcels so she can’t snap at you but kill with kindness as she sounds extremely unhappy and could do with someone responding to her positively.

Refuse all parcels and any complaints should be met with “oh do shut up carol” and then shut the door in her face . She is trying to bully and control everyone around her.

She would get zero kindness from me. Refuse the packages and blank her.

This morning’s update. A row of planters have appeared on the decking we have a 6 ft plus fence the builders left all the way along and the pots of bamboo are taller (I think they look pretty nice actually) so I think we will get plenty of privacy from her. Why the hell did she buy a semi detached - with front door next to each other?

Yes she’s a bully but met her match with me. No more packages we are just saying ‘she says she is in -and no not taking packages in’ from now on. She just has to crack on herself.

Why are you getting the parcels in the first place, if she's in and they gave the right house number on the package they shouldn't be delivering them to you.