Next door neighbour one

[Overthefence]

We both moved in at the same time.

Firstly, Good fences make good neighbours - not everyone needs to love everyone else.

I’m bored and thinking what others might do with this.
Next door neighbour is prickly not with us but everyone and snappy to the point of rudeness.
DH and I are - nice and want our own space but nice to say good morning and leave each other alone the rest of the time etc

She was a bit difficult on the day we all moved in - told us she was upset at our dog being in the garden for 20 minutes alone whilst a sofa was delivered 🙄etc as she didn’t believe dogs should be left alone (dog was lying in the sun with other dogs and teenagers were sat out there) and asked us how long it was going to left alone. We said 10 minutes - front door open we need to get the sofa in. We put it down to moving in stresses.
She then shouted at someone else (another neighbour) for parking outside her house on the road instead of on their drive. They were loading and unloading etc
She snaps at everyone. Fine we leave her alone. She then got her removals van to park on the neighbours drive (!) to unload and the neighbours were gobsmacked!!

We have been living here a few months, at least once a week we get a delivery for her or her daughter. She never collects. When DH knocks and returns the parcel there is no thanks & she snaps at him ‘I’m in all day I don’t go out, I don’t know why they have left it with you’ DH works from home all day.

She’s having some outside building works done and doesn’t seem to care about the noise we have. But has told another neighbour off for ‘watering too loudly’ with the hose at 8pm 🤣on her own garden. We are not the only ones and I would say we’ve had one snappy comment a week. We don’t bother her at all. Get the picture?

I know she has downsized and moved in due to a divorce and lost her two dogs to the ex husband. So things may be raw. But hey I don’t know anything else about her.

DH - He’s getting fed up - doesn’t mind taking in packages but fed up of her attitude - never any thanks just the same comment. He is lovely and he thinks he can’t say anything as he wants to not upset her. She’s a very angry and snappy person and I feel she is projecting her own unhappiness on others.

Life’s too short for this and I’m not stressed but my options are

1. refuse packages and say ‘she says she is in’
2. ask her what her problem is
3. kill with kindness

or other!

Part of my work role is all about disciplinaries and I’m known for taking no shit, but I try to do it factually with support and kindness and empathy but in this case I’m all for 3. Kill with kindness- Eg Are you ok Sally (not her name) when she is snappy, are you feeling ok, you seem very short on time. Sorry to hold you up, just dropping in your packages again. Or similar.
Regarding the packages ‘oh dear Sally you were in, and they dropped it off with us. How frustrating for you and how fortunate Dan was able to stop work and take them in for you. We are happy to help anytime. Have a nice evening now …., ‘ etc

I think the delivery drivers are actually a bit put by her - we have seen her shout at one who stopped at the end of her drive and her shout move your bloody van you are blocking the driveway. Errr it’s your driveway love and you aren’t going out.

what would you do?

Seriously! I have a DH problem do I? Words fail me too.

Shall I replace DH with a robot rather than the loving kind man I have, who is generous and kind? Your user name is apt.

I wouldn’t call anyone that. Misogyny 101 lesson.

Refuse the packages and keep the interactions to “good morning” type, she sounds unpleasant

I’d take the parcel in but would wait for her to collect them, when she does then kill her with kindness. Railroad over any complaints with indifference

Put a note on the door saying deliveries accepted for (my house number) only? DH wouldn’t have to deal with them then. Unless they ignore it!

I would also refuse packages. I’m sure they are too scared to go to her door now.

Well yes - he complains about your neighbour but still thinks its a good thing to accept her parcels etc?

Both positions are incompatible.

Its clear your neighbour is not nice, so why be neighbourly and nice when she doesnt reciprocate?

Thats whats baffling.

Number 1. She sounds batshit. Why do her favours when she’s so rude?

I think it's time for you to help your dh by printing and laminating a sign for the door stating you are unable to accept parcels / deliveries for number X. You can pin it to your front door when you leave for work at x o'clock in the morning and delivery drivers will read and find someone else to accept the delivery. Your dh can continue to consider himself "Mr. Nice Guy who will assist anyone" and your stroppy neighbour gets her just desserts. Problem solved!

Your examples aren’t killing with kindness they are passive aggressive 😂 which I think is fine but really I’d stop taking her parcels and I wouldn’t be engaging with her

I would refuse to take her packages. If your DH is willing to take them and put up with her rudeness, that's up to him. Just don't get involved.

I’d refuse to take the parcels, mainly for the rudeness but also because she doesn’t collect them. It’s an interaction with her you don’t need.

Put a sign in your window or door "No deliveries for no. - please"

On one side we have amazing ndns. Love them to bits, have BBQs together etc. Do anything for them and they would for us.

The other side is a complete arsehole. A couple of years ago there was a big arguement and we don't speak anymore. I thought it would be a bit awkward passing on the street, we have similar aged dcs etc. It's actually absolutely lovely. No more having to smile at her slapped arse face, try and accommodate her feral kids at mine, listen to her rant about whichever person has offended her etc. I refuse all deliveries and mark mine as do not deliver to hers etc.

So I would definitely do 1 and completely ignore her. If she counters at you just say 'sorry to hear that, got to get on'. She will get the message.

Refuse packages not doing so forces more interactions with batshit neighbour.

You don't have a DH problem but you need to speak to him about a united front on dealing with neighbour.

We had a neighbour like that. She used to go in our garden when we were out and help herself. I had a big go at her and put cameras up to put her off. She moved out. She was so entitled and blind. As my mum used to say Practice makes Perfect. Born a sweet little calf and you grow up into an old cow. Mum was right

1. For me

(But if she has mechanic don't ask them any questions that will cause World War 3 it seems)

I hope you are listening to everyone. Your husband is not being nice taking them in it’s interrupting his work and he has a responsibility to be doing that not running parcels around. Agree he needs to just say we don’t accept packages for next door as they are in.

A family member used to be used as a parcel hub for someone down the street as they had retired early. They didn’t mind the odd one but it got ridiculous and in the end they just refused all. Sounds like your situation - ask your DH if we wants to do be an unappreciated post boy for evermore?

Do your kids still interact?

I don't understand why people put up with this - it's not being nice and kind to allow her to speak to you like shit and boss you around in your own home. It's being a wet blanket! The more you indulge her, the worse she'll get.
You could put a note on the door for deliveries to say Dh is wfh and in online meetings so please only knock for deliveries to your own address.
And tell her your dog is fine and doesn't need to come in from the garden.
You can still be polite without being a pushover.

I'd go for number 3 personally
It's worked for me in the past.

Refuse the packages. Say to the delivery people "She gets crabby when we take them, so we can't," and then they'll have to leave them on her doorstep.
Every time she is rude, be firm to the point of rudeness if necessary in your reply. Don't let her take the piss.

No but tbf ds is a bit older than the ones he used to play with and was actually glad to get out of having to be responsible for them all the time. The dcs nd are fairly feral and it was always them calling for him, then being told by their mother 'oh youngest (4 years old) can come out as well then if you are there, watch him please'.

Ds is much happier on his xbox or playing with his mates from school across the road. If he still interacted with nd he would be lumbered with the younger ones I reckon. It was a contributing factor to the arguement. What her dcs got up to, damaged my property because my ds didn't want to play out. Which meant the youngest was unsupervised and the damage happened.

Apparently I was very unreasonable to suggest she actually supervise her 4 and 6 year old herself, not rely on my 8 year old.

She's batshit.

@Overthefence i would just tell delivery that she doesnt live here! no idea where she is. i wouldnt say she is in. they will take parcel away and leave her a card!

OP you need to nip this in the bud pronto. I had a neighbour similar to this (rude, nosey). She was a fuckin nightmare, I wish I had laid down some boundaries when I first moved in. Tell her in no uncertain terms that you won't be taking any more parcels in (you don't need to give a reason)and keep your distance from her. Thankfully my neighbour has moved out now and the street is a much nicer place!