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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you have dealt with this?

102 replies

Hellowwq · 07/05/2025 18:22

Before I explain the situation just want to say my mental health is not great, I’m feeling better but I have had terrible depression so just bear in mind.

I took the kids to this health foods shop we always go past but never have gone into and I heard they have delicious handmade chocolates. I’m trying to be more present for my kids so thought this would be nice. I entered the store and it was empty it was a lady standing by the counter and I greeted her nicely and I said “hello, how are you?” She just grunted “fine”, didn’t even look my way. I didn’t think anything but just felt uneasy.

I walked to the counter where chocolates were and a different worker was there and I again greeted her politely and complimented how beautiful the chocolates look. Again same attitude. I ordered my chocolates and paid and I just feel they were so rude. They both had really sour faces and were just plain rude and hard to engage in any sort of polite conversation, I put my kids in the car and just felt really upset and I knew if I didn’t say anything I will just spiral so when I got home I called the store (out of kids earshot) and told her I wasn’t happy with the customer service I received and felt they were very rude (I have never done anything like this before! I usually just let things go and fester, That’s a reason I think for my depression as I don’t stand up for myself).

The woman responded “We were perfectly polite to you”. I told she wasn’t and I asked to speak to manager and was told manager won’t be in till end of the week. I’m glad I called even though it resolved nothing but made me feel better! Just for future in that moment what would you do? I wish I had just walked out but for my kids sake I didn’t.

OP posts:
Rosierambles · 08/05/2025 16:12

I wouldn't have complained but in your shoes I can see why a planned treat type excursion was such a disappointment
I often find places like this snooty and turn on the charm to make it obvious they're not being nice back but I like a bit of pass agg

YearlySubscriptionRenewal · 08/05/2025 16:19

If they pissed me off, I would have just walked away

If I wanted the chocolate, I would have just bought the chocolates

What I wouldn't do is making an entire movie in my head getting all worked up and starting to say I was being judged (waiting for discrimination to come next).

If they were really so rude, what could you possibly expect from calling them to tell them they were rude?

AnotherSadness · 08/05/2025 16:35

When someone starts a thread saying that their mental health is not great, I think it’s worth remembering that and being sensitive. It is possible to answer the OP’s question honestly and directly without the unnecessary sarcasm about Willy Wonka and red carpets, and digs at her behaviour.

JohnTheRevelator · 08/05/2025 16:44

And shops wonder why they are losing business!

LittleBitofBread · 08/05/2025 17:14

They sound very rude, especially considering that they were selling a luxury and expensive product. Ignoring anyone who says hello to them, child or adult, is downright ignorant. I would put something in writing; I was going to say to headquarters, but I see it's a family business.
I'd still contact the owner/manager/whoever is the big cheese, and make clear that they were unfriendly and unwelcoming, that they ignored a customer saying hello to them, and that you will not be going back and you will tell your friends and family exactly what the customer service was like.

Seventree · 08/05/2025 17:21

It wasn't the best customer service but it also wasn't anything to complain about.

Kindly, I think this might be your depression causing you to place more weight on an interaction than it warrants.

You bought a lovely treat for your children, concentrate on that Flowers

treesandsun · 08/05/2025 18:00

If you feel better for not having just accepted it and you normally would and then be annoyed that you had - then it was the right thing for you to do - it might help your MH to feel a bit more empowered. It doesn't matter what anyone else would do.

lljkk · 08/05/2025 18:06

They probably just had a blazing row about something and were still seething. I don't think their manner had anything to do with any opinion they could form of the potential customers.

Doggielove2 · 08/05/2025 18:09

You sound like your speaking out was in the wrong direction - you need to speak up in relationships that actually matter to you. This feels misplaced

also the “presence” experiment with children could be in there - all sounds a bit forced and that’s probably why you were angry but in the wrong place

coxesorangepippin · 08/05/2025 18:11

Par the course these days

People are mega rude, it's as if they don't want to sell!!

MinnieCauldwell · 08/05/2025 18:19

Going against the grain here, feel sorry for the shop workers. Lost me a bit with 'sour face' and 'grunt'. We women must smile, smile, smile...do feel women are judged diffently and to be honest it was just a visit to a sweet shop. Perhaps they were having a bad day?

Doggielove2 · 08/05/2025 18:25

Also I wonder if you picked this time to speak up as you were in power position rather than sticking up for yourself in relationships of equality.

and agree with pp about pressure on women to be smiley and pleasant all the time

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 08/05/2025 19:14

Doggielove2 · 08/05/2025 18:25

Also I wonder if you picked this time to speak up as you were in power position rather than sticking up for yourself in relationships of equality.

and agree with pp about pressure on women to be smiley and pleasant all the time

This is a really good point that unpicks something I felt was "off" about the term stand up for yourself.

Doggielove2 · 08/05/2025 19:24

Brilliant user name ninky nonks!

Lurkingandlearning · 08/05/2025 19:50

Depression, even when it has recently passed, makes us feel very raw. Rudeness and slights that would normally just brush over us seem much more significant. Plus I think when we do feel better after depression we sometimes feel we must stand up for ourselves more, overcompensating maybe.

They were unfriendly rather than rude, I suppose. It’s hard to complain about that. Just bear in mind that that vibe will make their work day longer and less cheerful for them. You could be the bigger person and feel sorry for them, maybe they are also depressed. Or, like me, you could think about what a drag their work day must be and snigger.

CaptainFuture · 08/05/2025 19:57

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 08/05/2025 19:14

This is a really good point that unpicks something I felt was "off" about the term stand up for yourself.

Show quote history

This, wonder if it had been male staff, there'd be all this vitriol, the how dare they, lowly servant class and reporting of them!

LittleBitofBread · 09/05/2025 08:15

MinnieCauldwell · 08/05/2025 18:19

Going against the grain here, feel sorry for the shop workers. Lost me a bit with 'sour face' and 'grunt'. We women must smile, smile, smile...do feel women are judged diffently and to be honest it was just a visit to a sweet shop. Perhaps they were having a bad day?

Not sure why you've decided she only found them rude because they were women. I don't expect strictly a smile from people in the service industry, but yes I do expect people – male and female – to look at me in acknowledgement when I come in and return a greeting courteously, and to respond at least civilly if I do something like compliment the shop/the goods. And perhaps even more so in a shop selling an expensive/luxury product (interesting that you minimise/denigrate the OP's experience by calling it a 'sweet shop').

I've worked in the service industry and I know it's sometimes hard to put a pleasant 'face' on. But it is part of the job.

dontcomeatme · 09/05/2025 08:19

If you dont want the kids to be bothered by you leaving just announce loudly "oh this doesn't seem like a very friendly shop does it, let's all go to the shop next door and see what we can find there eh". Then leave, head held high.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 09/05/2025 08:29

This...

Just don't give them your custom! And shop needs to choose their staff better!

I went into a higher end cafe with a pal... We waited and waited and then asked for a menu... Ordered coffees which took an age to come...

They were the 'too cool to engage type of waiting staff' 😱😄.
We were chatting and had ordered food....

We then checked they actually had our order in the kitchen as 45 mins later we had had no food or apology (we were busy chatting so no hardship).

No one actually approached us without us asking and they were madly rude /dismissive...

At the hour point we got fed up and left... Leaving money to cover the coffees...

As we were getting into car the owner came out to shout at us 😱😁... As the food was now ready and what could we expect?!?.. This was a full 90mins after we entered and we'd only managed coffee....

This was for COLD food and it wasn't busy...

Yup.. No problem not using them again...

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 09/05/2025 08:33

@IamtheDevilsAvocado

I had the opposite once. We went for a curry, and ordered pretty standard options. For whatever reason, the service was hugely slow - three tables seated after us were served and left before we had our mains.

But the staff kept coming over, profusely apologising and giving us free cocktails. We were plastered by the time we left!

Greenartywitch · 09/05/2025 08:44

OP you are perfectly right to have felt that they were rude and unfriendly.

They should not be working in customer service if they are that miserable about the job.

Best thing to do is email the head-office/owner and put your complaint in writing.

If I was the shop manager I would want to know that the staff is driving customers away because that would obviously damage the business.

Pogmochluais · 09/05/2025 08:49

They were rude and impolite but in my experience the days of very high standard of customer service are over. For that reason alone I think you are better to adjust your expectations in these types of interactions so they don’t affect you. Post Covid I think there is a lot more work to live attitudes.

You’re in a bad spot with your MH and that can magnify issues but I don’t think any of this is worth your very precious energy.

MinnieCauldwell · 09/05/2025 09:21

LittleBitofBread · 09/05/2025 08:15

Not sure why you've decided she only found them rude because they were women. I don't expect strictly a smile from people in the service industry, but yes I do expect people – male and female – to look at me in acknowledgement when I come in and return a greeting courteously, and to respond at least civilly if I do something like compliment the shop/the goods. And perhaps even more so in a shop selling an expensive/luxury product (interesting that you minimise/denigrate the OP's experience by calling it a 'sweet shop').

I've worked in the service industry and I know it's sometimes hard to put a pleasant 'face' on. But it is part of the job.

Show quote history

Probably my experience of 13 years of bar work, customers constantly demanding I smile at them, but never the grumpy barman and even grumpier landlord. In my experience it seems its always women and girls that are expected to smile and make every one in the room feel better. I am probably a grunting, sour faced old bag now anyway!
I don't give a shit if someone in the service industry smiles at me or not, I just want serving.

LittleBitofBread · 09/05/2025 09:31

Believe me, I know all about being female and being exhorted by men to smile; I've done bar and restaurant/takeaway work as well as various other service industry jobs.
But the OP doesn't say anything about them not smiling. She says variously that she would have liked 'a bit of warmth or engagement' and to be greeted; that they didn’t look at her or make eye contact; that they ignored her child saying hello. None of this is acceptable IMO, and none of it is something people expect only from women.

neilyoungismyhero · 09/05/2025 09:45

I went into a pharmacy years ago and went to the perfume counter. I wanted to buy an expensive item. The two women behind said counter were chatting away. I stood there for some time and eventually turned around and left. Being in a customer service role myself I was bloody annoyed. It was mortifying and rude. I phoned up later and spoke to the owner who apologised and sent round a bag full of free samples of pharmacy crap. I accepted the apology but never shopped there again. I'm retired now but volunteer in a charity shop and I smile and make pleasant conversation all day long. It's not hard to make people feel Important especially if they're spending money to help a good cause.