How would you have dealt with this?

[Hellowwq]

Before I explain the situation just want to say my mental health is not great, I’m feeling better but I have had terrible depression so just bear in mind.

I took the kids to this health foods shop we always go past but never have gone into and I heard they have delicious handmade chocolates. I’m trying to be more present for my kids so thought this would be nice. I entered the store and it was empty it was a lady standing by the counter and I greeted her nicely and I said “hello, how are you?” She just grunted “fine”, didn’t even look my way. I didn’t think anything but just felt uneasy.

I walked to the counter where chocolates were and a different worker was there and I again greeted her politely and complimented how beautiful the chocolates look. Again same attitude. I ordered my chocolates and paid and I just feel they were so rude. They both had really sour faces and were just plain rude and hard to engage in any sort of polite conversation, I put my kids in the car and just felt really upset and I knew if I didn’t say anything I will just spiral so when I got home I called the store (out of kids earshot) and told her I wasn’t happy with the customer service I received and felt they were very rude (I have never done anything like this before! I usually just let things go and fester, That’s a reason I think for my depression as I don’t stand up for myself).

The woman responded “We were perfectly polite to you”. I told she wasn’t and I asked to speak to manager and was told manager won’t be in till end of the week. I’m glad I called even though it resolved nothing but made me feel better! Just for future in that moment what would you do? I wish I had just walked out but for my kids sake I didn’t.

If both are having a bad day then something is wrong and a complaint to the manager might bring about change.

This is the typical advice that encourages women to just accept bad treatment and never say anything or complain.

I wouldn't have brought anything. You talk with your feet.

That's true but I'd rather complain to the manager via their official email afterwards than confront the staff and say I think their customer service is poor.

Customer service is no worse now than it was. Some is good, some is bad, just as it always has been.

Hmm I wouldn't have bothered ringing to complain, plus I would have found you a bit odd going in all cheerful asking if they were having a good day, usually the initial interaction comes from the shop assistant (can I help you for example). While it might be a small business, they might be staff employed on minimum wage and might not find their job particularly satisfying. They are not there to entertain.
I guess you saw going to this shop as special, which is why you felt they were particularly poor, but they did their job and served you so I would have left it at that (and just not gone again in the future). Would it have been different if it had been a normal supermarket as I feel you have hyped up going to this shop?

I think it’s more about letting the little things go. I’m a woman who’s stood up to poor behaviour more times than I’ve had hot dinners, but if I followed up every minor interaction with a moody shop assistant by complaining I wouldn’t have any free time left! Not sweating the small stuff isn’t the same as being a pushover.

Years ago I read a book where the author described a situation where children were running amok in an underground station. Adult seemingly in charge was sitting and watching without intervening. Other passengers were getting annoyed, author decided to intervene and approached the adult asking why he's not controlling the children. Adult looks at author and says "their mother, my wife, has just died in hospital and I don't know how to tell them".

Whenever someone is off hand or rude to me, I try to remember that I have no idea what's happened to them. Maybe they are just rude, or maybe something awful has happened. It's not an excuse for rudeness, but I think most of us can remember times when we've received bad news and were no where near our best.

So I try to let most minor infractions go.

You’re doom spiralling. You need to find a way to let it go. You aren’t the main character in this drama, you just had a walk on part.

Sit with a cuppa and enjoy the chocolates, that was the aim when you went and despite them being grumpy, that can still be achieved.

If it's a family owned business and the manager is away, perhaps the two staff members are grieving for, or worried about a sick relative?

It's not like they shouted at you, short-changed you or accused you of shoplifting.

They just weren't overly friendly that's all.

ETA: And over 60% of the population are overweight, so it'd be weird for that to be the reason.

So maybe they were having a shitty day, maybe a colleague had just been run over or they've been told there's redundancies on the horizon, maybe they have fragile mental health too.

Whilst it's nice to have a great shopping experience with your children, shit happens and you've put way too much thought, time and effort in to this and what you should have done was leave without buying anything.

It sounds like you had a vision in your head and it didn't play out that way. I wouldn't have called the store once home because there wouldn't have been any point. You had already gave them the money and bought the chocolates. The time to make your point was in the shop by leaving and not buying anything.

It sounds like your confidence and self esteem is low op. You describe the shop as posh and you as overweight. You are good enough to be in any shop no matter your weight. Enjoy your £25 chocolates I've never had expensive chocolates in my life... wine on the other hand

I find I get a huge sense of injustice when people are unnecessarily rude to me. It takes absolutely nothing to be polite and friendly, especially in customer service!
I also unfortunately share your ability to replay things in my head afterwards and fester on it.
I'm glad you called them up and brought it to their attention afterwards! And I'm glad you felt better after doing so.

I've done the opposite before - I once called somewhere and although they were very polite, they were extremely unhelpful to the point it was ridiculous, and I was rude to them in frustration.
After I hung up, I was able to resolve the thing I needed resolving, then I realised how rude I'd been.
I actually rang them back just to apologise for being snappy!

I wouldn't go back in that shop. People's attitudes can go a long way to getting my support for small businesses. If I'm made to feel uncomfortable, then I simply won't go again. Their loss!

As an ex retail worker we also can have bad days and depression too

Good for you saying something hopefully it will make them look at themselves but they don’t sound self aware probably just have an immature attitude. But i think your right to call them out and tell them how they made you feel so good on you. Now just put it behind you & never shop there again enjoy your time with your children it passes so quickly and being in the moment with them show what a great self aware mum you are ☺️

I’m the opposite of you, I need to let things go so they don’t affect my MH.

So I probably wouldn’t have done anything, other than just not go there again.

They were rude and I think they should be called out for it and so I do think you did the right thing because they needed to be told.

But I would probably leave it there and not let them take up anymore of your energy.
If you think they were really rude then tell the manager but if they were just a bit off then I’d probably just let it go.

Remember this wasn’t personal.
They are just not good at customer service and they would have done the same to anyone.

Oh give over.

It's just not that deep to me. I complain if I consider it worth my time to complain. If I don't consider it worth my time I don't give it headspace.

Agonising over minor events like this isn't some feminist issue, it's a sign of not having a good sense of what matters.

But how do you know you do, do you ask every single person you interact with in work for feedback??

You are being dramatic and quite ridiculous!

No. They were rude. In retail, your personal problems should not impact your professionalism.

I would just have left and bought nothing, if they don't want my custom fine. I'm sure the kids would have enjoyed ordinary chocolates or an ice cream just as much or more at a fraction of the price. Their loss, at least don't go back and if they are on trust pilot or similar leave an appropriate review.

Well @BakelikeBertha hopefully the scummy workers will have been taken out the back and FLOGGED!!
How very dare they... not treat you and your husband, the bountiful benefactors who PAY THEIR WAGES!!! sufficient deference!! Hopefully they'll end up in the gutter, and doubly dying shall go down, to the vile dust from whence they came, unwept, unhonoured and alone..

It’s not deep to you, but it may be deep
to someone else. Implying OP doesn’t have good sense to be upset by this is just bizarre.

To add I've had similar in posh clothing shops, I probably don't look like their typical customer (nothing terrible, just not dressed in designer wear) but I did have the money to shop there, and looking for something special more likely to spend a bit than the 'proper' people in there, but just left, plenty of other shops.

It will improve your MH considerably to learn to let minor things like this go. Or act on them at the time if you think they’re important enough. Two shop workers being briefly unfriendly is not a reason to ‘spiral’. You need to work on your MH so that your mood isn’t at the mercy of brief interactions with total strangers.

I also don’t see why spending £25 on chocolates means you’re ’being more present’ for your children.