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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you have dealt with this?

102 replies

Hellowwq · 07/05/2025 18:22

Before I explain the situation just want to say my mental health is not great, I’m feeling better but I have had terrible depression so just bear in mind.

I took the kids to this health foods shop we always go past but never have gone into and I heard they have delicious handmade chocolates. I’m trying to be more present for my kids so thought this would be nice. I entered the store and it was empty it was a lady standing by the counter and I greeted her nicely and I said “hello, how are you?” She just grunted “fine”, didn’t even look my way. I didn’t think anything but just felt uneasy.

I walked to the counter where chocolates were and a different worker was there and I again greeted her politely and complimented how beautiful the chocolates look. Again same attitude. I ordered my chocolates and paid and I just feel they were so rude. They both had really sour faces and were just plain rude and hard to engage in any sort of polite conversation, I put my kids in the car and just felt really upset and I knew if I didn’t say anything I will just spiral so when I got home I called the store (out of kids earshot) and told her I wasn’t happy with the customer service I received and felt they were very rude (I have never done anything like this before! I usually just let things go and fester, That’s a reason I think for my depression as I don’t stand up for myself).

The woman responded “We were perfectly polite to you”. I told she wasn’t and I asked to speak to manager and was told manager won’t be in till end of the week. I’m glad I called even though it resolved nothing but made me feel better! Just for future in that moment what would you do? I wish I had just walked out but for my kids sake I didn’t.

OP posts:
Lanzarotelady · 07/05/2025 21:16

SelinaPlace · 07/05/2025 21:15

It will improve your MH considerably to learn to let minor things like this go. Or act on them at the time if you think they’re important enough. Two shop workers being briefly unfriendly is not a reason to ‘spiral’. You need to work on your MH so that your mood isn’t at the mercy of brief interactions with total strangers.

I also don’t see why spending £25 on chocolates means you’re ’being more present’ for your children.

I agree, surely being more present is buying them some cheap treats and actually chatting to them, being with them??

Edenmum2 · 07/05/2025 21:20

Paintsplatters · 07/05/2025 18:36

They’re shop workers there to serve you, which they did. Not act Willy Wonker and provide an “ experience” for your kids.

Incredibly harsh. I’ve worked retail for many years and trust me if my managers knew I’d behaved that way they would be absolutely livid. Nobody is expecting an ‘experience’ - but basic friendly interaction should be bare minimum.

Sunnyglowdays · 07/05/2025 21:23

NineteenSeventyNine · 07/05/2025 18:32

I’d never even consider following up something like this with a phone call, I simply wouldn’t go back there. It’s a bit crap but tbh not that unusual. Pick your battles OP!

This. You’re aim was to focus on your kids but you ended up focusing on some thing different. It wasn’t worth your energy.

cosietea · 07/05/2025 21:26

Why did this upset you OP? Have you taken it personally and then over analysed their reaction? You said usually you let the stuff fester and that’s the cause of some of your depression but maybe it’s getting upset in the first place is the point to focus on? If I had this encounter I would think “ wow they are having a bad day” or “ sucks to be them” and would be on my merry way

I like to remind myself that nobody can make me ‘feel’ a certain way, i choose to feel it. You can’t control how other people act but you can control how you react to them.

Newusername3kidss · 07/05/2025 21:29

Hellowwq · 07/05/2025 18:51

Thank you. It’s a small family owned business, not a chain. I just feel more and more angry with how they spoke to me. The more I’m thinking of it the more it feels like they were looking down at me. It was a “posh” store if you were to describe it and I am quite overweight and not posh looking! I spent over £25 on literally a few chocolates so not exactly something I can do on a weekly basis it was like a treat for my kids. They could have just been a bit more friendlier.

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I think the issue is you have built it up to be an experience rather than just going to buy some chocolates , and the chocolates being the treat. They were probably bored as fuck and hate their jobs. I’ve worked in retail when younger and it was hard - I was always friendly and smiled at everyone though and it does piss me off how rude a lot of people who work in shops are now but try not to let it bother me. I worked at Gap and had to literally stand on the door for hours just saying hello to everyone who came in and so many people just ignored me!

Tbrh · 07/05/2025 21:59

Threecraws · 07/05/2025 18:27

I would have done nothing. It isn't great customer service but nothing really worth getting upset or complaining about. I just wouldn't go back.

This. Why are you wasting your time and energy dwelling on it

SleepyHollowed84 · 07/05/2025 22:10

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 07/05/2025 20:58

No. They were rude. In retail, your personal problems should not impact your professionalism.

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In your opinion.

In my opinion, you can be perfectly professional and do your job in customer service without exuding joy.

Cucy · 08/05/2025 08:45

Edenmum2 · 07/05/2025 21:20

Incredibly harsh. I’ve worked retail for many years and trust me if my managers knew I’d behaved that way they would be absolutely livid. Nobody is expecting an ‘experience’ - but basic friendly interaction should be bare minimum.

Show quote history

I completely agree.

Being polite and friendly is part of the role.

No one is saying they needed to have laid out the red carpet but there was no need to be blatantly rude.

Too many people are ok with being treated rudely.

I too would have probably just let this go and made sure I didn’t go back again thinking it’s not worth the hassle but I actually think OP did the right thing by calling them out on their behaviour.

Good for you OP.

ZenNudist · 08/05/2025 08:54

Wow, let it go. I wouldn't have said anything. I probably would have got dc a little treat, left and never gone back. Maybe left a review on Google

andtheworldrollson · 08/05/2025 08:57

Yih phoned them up because they were not effusive enough for you ? You were going to spiral because they didn’t gust at you ? why didn’t you ask them to “smile dear” to their faces ?

you used a health food shop yet it does chocolate ? And As a kids treat ? A health food shop? Weird kids

Bjorkdidit · 08/05/2025 09:15

I would never ask a stranger 'how are you' when you're not actually asking that question and not interested in the answer, and it's not socially acceptable to say anything other than 'fine'.

It's excruciating to have to go through that, if you're not fine, for whatever reason.

Now imagine you have to go through it dozens of times a day with an endless parade of strangers.

ItGhoul · 08/05/2025 09:48

I think you’re making a really big fuss over nothing.

Yeah, it’s nicer if people are smiley and friendly. But ultimately they’re there to serve you your chocolate, not to provide you with an ‘experience’ and make conversation with you.

TheNinkyNonkyIsATardis · 08/05/2025 14:39

nomas · 07/05/2025 21:10

It’s not deep to you, but it may be deep
to someone else. Implying OP doesn’t have good sense to be upset by this is just bizarre.

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It's the entire premise of the thread that OP isn't sure about whether she reacted appropriately.

And I said "a good sense of what matters".

OP was framing her actions as standing up for herself and avoiding falling into a depressive state. In my opinion that's not a useful way to frame a rather minor incident that was likely unrelated to the OP as a person and all about the temporary mood of two people she had a very short interaction with.

It generally does not help our mental health to obsess about such things, and getting a good grip on managing your reaction to such events is the secret to a happy life.

Limth · 08/05/2025 14:47

Hellowwq · 07/05/2025 18:51

Thank you. It’s a small family owned business, not a chain. I just feel more and more angry with how they spoke to me. The more I’m thinking of it the more it feels like they were looking down at me. It was a “posh” store if you were to describe it and I am quite overweight and not posh looking! I spent over £25 on literally a few chocolates so not exactly something I can do on a weekly basis it was like a treat for my kids. They could have just been a bit more friendlier.

Show quote history

Gently, OP, but more fool you.

At the point you bought these chocolates, both servers had been rude to you and ignored your six year old.

You asked how we'd have dealt with this- I'd have probably told the servers that they were impolite and then just left.

There's a posh greengrocers by me - the woman who owns it is such an ignorant, rude bastard. I went there a few times in lockdown in the spirit of supporting local businesses. The third or forth time, she was so bloody impolite, that I just shoved my basket of overpriced old shite vegetables across the counter and left. I've told anyone and everyone who'll listen about my experience there 😏

EvangelicalAboutButteredToast · 08/05/2025 14:53

I think customer service has wildly deteriorated since Covid so I would have just chalked it up to the usual bullshit in shops however if I were the owner of the establishment id want to know the staff were being miserable bastards. That’s useful feedback!

outerspacepotato · 08/05/2025 14:55

You're buying chocolates, not a momentary fake gushing friend.

TokyoKyoto · 08/05/2025 14:57

I'm not sure I'd have rung, but I would have been pissed off. And I'd have told everyone I know. I'm still telling bad customer service stories from twenty years ago - the fact is it sticks in your mind and takes up space.

(I secretly enjoy my bad retail experiences!)

I've worked retail, it's a shitty job sometimes, but jesus christ nobody needs to be that rude.

Fairyliz · 08/05/2025 14:58

ItGhoul · 08/05/2025 09:48

I think you’re making a really big fuss over nothing.

Yeah, it’s nicer if people are smiley and friendly. But ultimately they’re there to serve you your chocolate, not to provide you with an ‘experience’ and make conversation with you.

Think I disagree with this, at £25 for a few chocolates you are actually paying for the experience of being treated well as a customer. Surely its the difference between tea at The Ritz and tea at Greggs?

I would have expected a smile and a good afternoon at the very least.

MakingItRight · 08/05/2025 14:58

I'm quite passive aggressive so in these situations I tend to be like "sorry is this a bad time, shall I come back later?"

MammaTo · 08/05/2025 14:59

I think learning to let things like this go rather than spiralling about it, would benefit your mental health more. I’m all for standing up for yourself but I don’t feel the reaction was warranted in this situation.

PrettyPuss · 08/05/2025 15:00

I always vote with my feet. I had a similar experience recently in a local independent pet store. I won't go back there now.

In your scenario, I probably would have just cut the visit very short. Sounds like the staff made it feel very awkward.

Inmydreams88 · 08/05/2025 15:01

Sounds like they were pretty miserable but if id really wanted the chocolates I’d have bought them and given them a massive smile and said thanks so much! And then walked out of the shop and probably never went there again. But equally I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. Let it go,

Someone2025 · 08/05/2025 15:33

Hellowwq · 07/05/2025 18:29

Thank you. I just can’t help getting upset over it. I wish I could but it was so unnecessary, in my job no matter what crap I’ve dealt with I always greet clients politely and make small talk

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They were just a couple of pig ignorant women who are unhappy with their lives….ignore them, it’s on them

AnotherSadness · 08/05/2025 15:54

andtheworldrollson · 08/05/2025 08:57

Yih phoned them up because they were not effusive enough for you ? You were going to spiral because they didn’t gust at you ? why didn’t you ask them to “smile dear” to their faces ?

you used a health food shop yet it does chocolate ? And As a kids treat ? A health food shop? Weird kids

you used a health food shop yet it does chocolate ? And As a kids treat ? A health food shop? Weird kids

You know you can get chocolate at Holland and Barrett and other ‘health’ places? Organic, non upf stuff usually. That all sorts of people, including children would like. That does not make her kids ‘weird’. Your shock at this phenomenon, and overuse of question marks suggests you need to get out more.

Fruitbat99 · 08/05/2025 16:09

I can't believe you phoned them. No they weren't great, but its a bit pathetic getting this worked up about it. Wish I had your problems.