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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Have you ever been wrongly accused of something?

120 replies

9livesin · 07/05/2025 16:26

I am in my 40s now and I still remember the time I went into a popular clothes shop while my son was at playgroup 20+ years ago and I bought a nice cami top, the next week on the same day I popped back in on my way to collect him from play group wearing the new top I’d bought the week before and I tried a few bits on and then left, walked all the way through the precinct and was about to leave the other end, then suddenly two massive security guards frog marched me all the way back through the precinct of my home town in front of everyone at which point I had no idea why and only when I was back to the shop they accused me of trying on the top I was wearing and stealing it, there were no cameras I don’t think but I had to stay there while everyone stared while they checked the changing rooms for any tags, emptied my handbag out all over the check out desk and rummaged through my empty pushchair, turning all the covers out before telling me they were reluctantly giving me the benefit of the doubt as they couldn’t find the tag and letting me go, by this point I was running late collecting my son and had no mobile phone back then.
I was so embarrassed I have never been in the precinct since and don’t live in the town anymore it had such a big impact on me I already suffered with social anxiety as it was and as it was a hot day I had only worn that top so I guess they thought I walked in the shop topless.

I just think about that day all the time and know the staff member who made the error probably doesn’t even remember or have any idea how their mistake affected me.

OP posts:
InternetRandoms · 07/05/2025 16:39

That’s awful op! Ridiculous that they didn’t think to wonder what you arrived in.

A teacher asked me who had helped with my English homework. No one had because I didn’t have the type of parent to be able/or to want to help.
When I said it was all my own work they accused me of lying and marked me down. ‘I would have given you an A for this it was so good, but I’m changing it to C+ because you had help’. I was devastated. I was always really shy and never felt good enough, to have actually done something good, but be told it couldn’t possibly have been me, just confirmed it.
It was over 35 years ago but still smarts. I still feel like I’m not doing a good job, or that I’m an idiot in work.

Bunnyisputbackinthebox · 07/05/2025 16:43

Police questioned me about a scratch exh had under his eye...
I answered honestly if i had been going to assault him I would have used a pan..
He was trying to discredit me for our ever lasting county case... Went on for 4 years...
He also tried to have my new dh arrested for assault...
With a water balloon
.

Which was actually my teen ds aiming for his db's..

PicklesMacGraw · 07/05/2025 16:45

InternetRandoms · 07/05/2025 16:39

That’s awful op! Ridiculous that they didn’t think to wonder what you arrived in.

A teacher asked me who had helped with my English homework. No one had because I didn’t have the type of parent to be able/or to want to help.
When I said it was all my own work they accused me of lying and marked me down. ‘I would have given you an A for this it was so good, but I’m changing it to C+ because you had help’. I was devastated. I was always really shy and never felt good enough, to have actually done something good, but be told it couldn’t possibly have been me, just confirmed it.
It was over 35 years ago but still smarts. I still feel like I’m not doing a good job, or that I’m an idiot in work.

I had very similar happen to me. I was a hard working kid who wasn’t that bright but eager to please and it was devastating to be accused of cheating in front of the whole class. I was about 12. I’d spent ages on the piece of work and was proud of it.

it happened again with my gcse art course work. I was called in front of three teachers and told I was being marked down as I’d obviously had help with the ‘enamelling’ - the enamelling was actually just multiple layers of clear nail varnish painted over rumpled tinfoil. They conceded they were wrong but they didn’t apologise at all. 😂. Idiot teachers.

Legomania · 07/05/2025 16:49

One of my (true) threads got dismissed on r/MNTrolls as abject nonsense

CamillaMacauley · 07/05/2025 16:52

That’s awful OP. Though I did see someone come into a shoe shop once in bare feet and leave wearing shoes.

Berlinlover · 07/05/2025 16:56

A woman accused me of chasing after her husband when in fact it was very much the other way around. It was nearly 25 years ago and she still throws me daggers when she sees me in the street.

Natsku · 07/05/2025 17:04

My ex and his parents, with the cooperation of a doctor from their church, accused me of child abuse. I had to take DD to hospital and stay there 4 days while she went through all the investigations (full body MRI, eye exam that checks for signs of abuse somehow, didn't fully understand it, other ones i can't remember) and I had to speak to the police, though they declined to open an investigation after speaking to me and told me they had had issues with that doctor before. Worst time of my life, and even though the hospital and social workers were happy to release her to my care at the end, my ex got a judge to sign off on an emergency order putting her in his care until a hearing. The social workers were really unhappy with this as they were concerned about my ex (they had to call hospital security on him at one point).
When we had the hearing and the judge heard all the evidence from the hospital he was not happy with my ex and his lawyer for making an application that was full of lies!

LeaveALittleNote · 07/05/2025 17:10

OP something really similar happened to me when I was a teenager, and, like you, it still affects me to this day. I have an anxiety disorder and I still get anxious in shops sometimes, thinking that I’ll be stopped and searched and accused.

I also got accused of something really serious at school, and got in trouble for it and prevented from going on a school trip as a punishment. I never did what I was accused of, but I had to see the head teacher regularly for weeks and weeks. It was a group of people who’d done it, and they obviously gave my name to get themselves off the hook. I have some sympathy for the teachers who tried to sort it out, so I don’t hold it against them as they were lied to. But the effect it had on me was huge.

BeyondMyWits · 07/05/2025 17:26

I had the same first name as a girl in my class. She stole something from a bag after PE.

I was sent to the heads office and got the "disappointed in you, return it, calling parents..." talk, despite the fact I was helping in the office as I'd broken my arm.
What rankled was the fact that they THOUGHT I could have done it, how very dare they. I had an A1 reputation, I never ever put a foot wrong. Just never. (was 48 years ago)

Danikm151 · 07/05/2025 17:38

Got accused of Stealing from the safe at work- despite me discovering the error on the system.
Turns out another member of staff was “borrowing” and paying back before the end of month recs- using other people’s computers to log the changes.

They sacked him but didn’t report him for theft. Which was policy.

I was so angry.

changedusernameforthis1 · 07/05/2025 17:58

In highschool I confided in my friends that my Mum was physically abusive towards me. They told a teacher. The teacher talked to me, and, feeling supported and finally safe, I admitted it.
The next day at school I was taken into a room where the teacher was there, alongside the headteacher, head of year and (I still have no idea why) the attendance officer.
My Mum was sobbing into tissues and asked me why I'd said such horrible, untrue things about her.

Long story short, the abuse got worse. The night before my 16th birthday I packed a bag, and as soon as the buses were running I left.

Oh, I also lost my friends because they didn't believe me either.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 07/05/2025 18:11

Oh, most days on MN - accused of things I didn’t say, that I’m not a lawyer (who lies about that?! We’re the scum of the earth!) etc etc. The usual! Makes you realise just how dumb a huge swathe of the population is - reading comprehension and projections are troubling.

itsgettingweird · 07/05/2025 18:16

changedusernameforthis1 · 07/05/2025 17:58

In highschool I confided in my friends that my Mum was physically abusive towards me. They told a teacher. The teacher talked to me, and, feeling supported and finally safe, I admitted it.
The next day at school I was taken into a room where the teacher was there, alongside the headteacher, head of year and (I still have no idea why) the attendance officer.
My Mum was sobbing into tissues and asked me why I'd said such horrible, untrue things about her.

Long story short, the abuse got worse. The night before my 16th birthday I packed a bag, and as soon as the buses were running I left.

Oh, I also lost my friends because they didn't believe me either.

That’s awful.

I hope when you got away it was to a better life? Flowers

MyOliveHelper · 07/05/2025 18:17

Lots of times. There was usually a racial aspect to the accusation.

Thingyfandingi · 07/05/2025 18:21

Yes. Went to court and was convicted!

LittleBitofBread · 07/05/2025 18:21

When I was quite young, I can only have been around eight, my mum gave me some money to get something from the local shop. I came back and (my memory of this is very vague but) there was some confusion and discussion, and anger from her, about how much change I needed to give her. I do remember she accused me of trying to 'diddle' her, which I definitely wasn't; I was eight, I wouldn't have known how to!

A long time ago, but I can still feel the shame and confusion when I think about it. To this day I don't have a great relationship with her, and I find money intimidating and confusing…

JHound · 07/05/2025 18:21

Yep. I was a child on an away trip and accused of stealing a book from another girl.

I had left it on her bed after reading it and she never got it.

However in this instance, I was so mad at being accused I told them to search my bag.

They found the book. In my bag. Except I never put it there. I was sure I knew who did and why. But my asserting I never did it feel on deaf ears. The Mean Girl and her cousins had poisoned others against me and the rest of the trip was miserable.

Then I got home to find out my cat had died to make things worse.

Luckily I never had to see the Mean Girl crew again.

JHound · 07/05/2025 18:22

Thingyfandingi · 07/05/2025 18:21

Yes. Went to court and was convicted!

Wow!

Louisetopaz21 · 07/05/2025 18:26

A woman across the road accused me of having an affair with her husband. Came banging at my door saying she had found gin glasses with pink lipstick. I told her I don't wear pink lipstick, or drink gin and I had never been to her house. He was having an affair but not with me.

saveforthat · 07/05/2025 18:29

Over 60 years ago (yes really). I was accused of stealing another girls handkerchief. It had little bo peep on it. It was mine but the teacher believed her and made me give it to her. The next day the other girl told me her's was at home but she never brought mine back. Yes, I should be over it by now.

Jadorelabrador · 07/05/2025 18:30

Yes. I was accused regularly stealing my sisters things and breaking them and every single time my parents made me pay - the reality was she broke her stuff and blamed me and either my stuff was given to her or money taken off me - I will never forgive her it went on all my teenage and young adult years

I was falsely accused by a police officer of being abusive to my ex husband - it was me that was being abused

I I was falsely accused by a really good friend of having made a racist comment about her husband by another friend - my friend cut me off and I was distraught for over a year and then she came back to tell said friend had also lied about someone else etc but it was too late.

I was also accused in a uni exam of cheating until I proved I had memorised the entire course word for word.

latetothefisting · 07/05/2025 18:31

yeah on here!
I said how I saved up for a house deposit and got a mortgage that was literally the absolute max I could stretch to on my (comparatively low) wage - gave pretty much the exact figures for how much I borrowed and the cost of the house, and was told 'Well I don't believe you.'

It was a little 2 bed semi in a bit of a rough area, literally nothing to brag about and an utterly weird thing to have lied about at all, let alone go into that sort of detail to back up said pointless lie!

I mean it's weird when people make stuff up on here anyway but at least with the £100,000k salary and gorgeous husband ones it's something worth bragging about....

(not relevant to me but I also remember years ago that there was a phrase when anyone who said they had twins was automatically told they were fibbing. so random!)

MargaretThursday · 07/05/2025 18:33

I entered a soft toy in the village craft competition. I'd made the soft toy and then made it a little matching dress and done an attempt at a matching parasol for it to carry. The parasol, if you looked closely was held together with bluetac and stickytape, the handle was a lolly stick etc. It was clearly done by a child.
I was accused by two of the ladies of doing it from a kit.

Now other than the fact I hadn't, it wasn't actually against the rules (in the children's section, which I was, OR adult section) anyway.

I won first prize and they were vocal.
The judges said I should be flattered that they thought it was good enough to assume it was a kit.

HiddenInCubeOfCheese · 07/05/2025 18:34

I’m so angry for so many little girls (and bigger girls) out there!

SingaporeSlinky · 07/05/2025 18:38

I went with some friends to a couple’s house I’d never met before, for dinner and was told the husband was a psychic. A few hours later, we’d had a pleasant dinner and a few drinks and out of the blue my friend told me the husband had told his wife that he knew, presumably from ‘reading my thoughts’ that I had a thing for him. The wife had got upset and stormed off to their bedroom and we were left to sit there awkwardly. It was completely untrue, but I just didn’t understand why he would even tell her, even if he actually believed it!