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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would this be rude or is DH right?

101 replies

Dreco · 07/05/2025 10:13

Currently in southern Italy in a beautiful small town in the mountains. Airb&B. The locals are clearly not used to tourists but have been so incredibly kind and welcoming.
The only problem is there isn’t a whole lot to do around here without driving for hours on death trap mountain roads 😂 it’s lovely and we’ve had a few lovely days out but DH is getting tired of all the driving and his suggestion is we leave here two days early and book two nights in Naples were we can explore Naples and Pompei.
Im worried about upsetting the host here who had gone way above and beyond to try and make this stay special for us. Part of me knows he’s making sense. We fly home from Naples on Sunday so we’d already be near the airport two days in advance.

YABU - you’ll upset the host and you should make the most of where you booked
YANBU - the host will understand and you’ll get more out of the holiday

OP posts:
zenai · 07/05/2025 11:24

Years ago I booked a package in a nice hotel in Cyprus, it was dirt cheap for what we got. It was done purely to go to Israel on the ferry and stay over there a couple of nights. Worked like a dream. It was a small hotel B+B basis, no one cared.

vintagecrow · 07/05/2025 11:24

Dreco · 07/05/2025 10:25

We don’t know the host personally, just found this house on AirB&B. We had originally booked Pompei but the host cancelled it so this was booked instead. I’m so glad we experienced this area but we are missing having stuff to do - even the churches are all closed. There are only two shops in the town, one is never open and the other one is extremely tiny only selling bare essentials. The one restaurant only opens one night a week so even to go out for a meal it’s driving on the mountain roads.

we absolutely do not expect or want any kind of refund

So you’ve basically missed everything great about Italy but still have to ask if it’s ok to leave two days early to actually see and do anything? On your own holiday.

CautiousLurker01 · 07/05/2025 11:28

So long as he isn’t expecting a refund, then yes it’s totally fine to head off elsewhere. You can be discrete and simply say that you realise now you are here that you really want to see Naples/Pompeii and can’t do that easily from the Air BnB.

If they’re not losing money, they really won’t care so long as you leave a positive review.

Horses7 · 07/05/2025 11:29

You’ll enjoy Pompei do it.

AthWat · 07/05/2025 11:29

He's running a business. He's being nice to you because he wants you to pay him. He'll be fine with you leaving early. The one thing that might concern him is whether you will leave a bad review because there is something wrong, so just tell him you'll say it was all lovely (as it sounds like it was, just not really what you want).

lazycats · 07/05/2025 11:30

Why on earth would a host mind you leaving early while getting fully paid? This forum has some bizarre threads sometimes

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 07/05/2025 11:32

Tell them your flights have moved snd you need to go home earlier than planned

queenofthesuburbs · 07/05/2025 11:33

Just say you want to visit Pompeii so will be leaving early.

He won't mind at all!!

FeedingPidgeons · 07/05/2025 11:35

Go to Sorrento, it's an easy train ride in and out of Pompeii and Herculaneum, and it's a wonderful town with loads of little shops, beach etc. The train line runs Sorrento to Naples, very cheap and easy to use.

Naples is awesome but quite rough. If you decide to do it, the tour of tunnels under the city is amazing.

Housemouse245 · 07/05/2025 11:36

I’d just say you have a family emergency at home so you’re leaving early. I doubt you’ll bump into them in Pompeii or Naples 😄

Hwi · 07/05/2025 11:39

Dreco · 07/05/2025 10:13

Currently in southern Italy in a beautiful small town in the mountains. Airb&B. The locals are clearly not used to tourists but have been so incredibly kind and welcoming.
The only problem is there isn’t a whole lot to do around here without driving for hours on death trap mountain roads 😂 it’s lovely and we’ve had a few lovely days out but DH is getting tired of all the driving and his suggestion is we leave here two days early and book two nights in Naples were we can explore Naples and Pompei.
Im worried about upsetting the host here who had gone way above and beyond to try and make this stay special for us. Part of me knows he’s making sense. We fly home from Naples on Sunday so we’d already be near the airport two days in advance.

YABU - you’ll upset the host and you should make the most of where you booked
YANBU - the host will understand and you’ll get more out of the holiday

You are joking, right? Host is running a business, he or she would be delighted if you left early, without asking for a refund! Money for nothing, kicks for free.

Goody2ShoesAndTheFilthyBeast · 07/05/2025 11:39

I doubt the host will care.
They will get all their money even though you are leaving early and, I assume, a good review. They aren't losing anything.

Fontet · 07/05/2025 11:41

Leave and make the most of your holiday

pimplebum · 07/05/2025 11:45

🤦🏻‍♀️🤷‍♀️ you are paying in full and they are not your family or friends

leave a nice review and think no more about it

come on …

PotofPens1 · 07/05/2025 11:45

Surely this is what white lies are made for? Thank them for a lovely stay and bemoan how unfortunate it is that you have to return early for work/family/water the greenhouse...

beetr00 · 07/05/2025 11:50

@Hwi LOVE Dire Straits 👌

viques · 07/05/2025 11:57

Dreco · 07/05/2025 11:04

It’s booked 🥰 just to add though we were going to do Pompeii anyway - just it was going to be a two hour drive there and a two hour drive back … and then another 2 hour drive back to the airport on Sunday 😂

I know, I’m terribly British

Then you have just given yourselves an extra four hours in Pompeii, which you will need as it is so amazing. Book a guide for at least some of the time, the history of the city and of the excavation, and the stories of the different buildings are extraordinary. It shouldn’t be too hot, but take water , a fan and make sure you are wearing your most comfortable shoes and a sun hat. There isn’t much shade if I recall. Have a lovely time.

Oldglasses · 07/05/2025 11:58

Definitely go to Pompei/Naples. Pompei is amazing (bloody hot and not much shade - loads of suncream and a hat). Herculanuem is also worth it. You can do both in a day.
Who cares about the host as long as they get their money!

Wheresthebeach · 07/05/2025 12:00

Let them know out of curtesy, leave a lovely review and enjoy your holiday.
Bonkers to worry about their feelings.

blueshoes · 07/05/2025 12:04

OP, you sound like a people pleaser and are overthinking this. Honestly, thank the host and make your way off earlier. He keeps his money and will be happy as Larry.

If anything, the AirBnB listing should have cautioned about the treacherous roads. Were there any reviews? I might be tempted to put a review about the roads and rural life in nice 'coded speak' on Air BnB to warn other people who book.

Felicityjoy · 07/05/2025 12:07

Tbh, it doesn’t really matter whether the host understands or not. Tell him it’s wonderful, you'll write a great review and recommend it to all your friends, but you realise now that you would like to see more of Italy.

Rachie1973 · 07/05/2025 12:16

CocoPlum · 07/05/2025 10:28

As long as you pay them for the unused time it's fine, don't overthink it.
But Naples isn't that lovely, just to warn you!

Thank god it’s not just me! We flew in and stayed 24 hours before getting a train to Rome. The outskirts are like slums!

MyDeftDuck · 07/05/2025 12:17

Just tell your hosts that you’re leaving two days early and your reasons why…..honesty is the best policy. Give them a fabulous review and stress that you are leaving early of your own choice to explore Naples and there’s no problem with the accommodation. And pay in full…you want to vacate, you’ve not been evicted.

Namechangefordaughterevasion · 07/05/2025 12:28

Your hosts won't give it a moments thought. People's plans change all the time. They get paid their normal whack and get a couple of nights off.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 07/05/2025 12:41

RedSkyDelights · 07/05/2025 10:17

Your "host" is running a business. It's in their interests to make your stay as pleasant as possible.

If you tell them you have changed your plans and are now going somewhere else for a couple of days, they won't give it a second thought. (As long as you are paying as normal - which I hope you are?)

I am sure @RedSkyDelights is right, @Dreco.