How to handle sports day this year?

[cadburyegg]

Sports day is next month and my ds7 is already worrying about it, bless him, and saying how much he hates it. He is the smallest in the year (0.4th centile), he’s hypermobile, he’s always last. My ds10 doesn’t much like it either but will take part begrudgingly.

I have considered taking ds7 out for the day considering he hates it but ds10 would be upset at the unfairness of it unless I take both of them out.

I was always terrible at sports and was last at everything. I wonder if there is a better way of dealing with things other than telling them “it’s not the winning that counts, it’s the taking part!” Surely making kids do races that they hate (my ds7 cried during his last year) isn’t actually very good for their development? Is there a happy medium between taking them out for the day and making them participate in everything? Can I tell them that actually they don’t have to do certain races? My two I think wouldn’t mind doing the egg and spoon / bean bags etc but the running and relay upsets ds7 in particular.

Or am I setting them up for a complete lack of resilience?!

It’s one day. Missing it will have zero impact on their resilience, but it will deepen their trust in you, showing them that you will protect them from situations that distress them.

Could you take them out for the day to do an activity that gets them out of their comfort zone, but without the element of competition and all the spectators - which is what most unsporty kids hate the most about sports day? What about a day trip to a Go Ape centre?

I've always just told mine, they don't have to be the best,they just have to do their best and everyone has their own things they are good at, sports might not be their best thing but it's nice to be there and support their friends who it is their thing. I also remind them that for some children they might struggle every day with something like reading or maths that they find easy, so for some children it's nice that it's their turn to be good at something.

Dentist appointment/eye test? Miss the races, back for lessons? Don't make a big thing about it or make it a treat to miss school, as that will reinforce the avoidance for next year/the future. Just write it on the calendar and say "I've scheduled a dentist appointment that day so you might miss some of it, sorry"

I’d just keep them off. I hated PE my whole school life and it didn’t affect my ability to work as a team or my resilience. I just wasn’t competitive and didn’t see the point. It made my life a complete misery and like your son, I dreaded sports day the whole year. I used to hate the sheer public humiliation of it.

Let sporty kids do the racing and let other kids keep score, or cheer, make banners, or organise drinks etc. Schools should get better at this and every child could find their thing to enjoy sports day instead of putting children off for life.

Hey - my DD (10)hated sports day as well - every year was a struggle in build up to the day. Last year I asked the teacher if there was an alternate activity she could do to help with the event itself. Teacher was great and had her take pictures of the day instead on one of the school iPads, standing at finish line etc. I was going to take her out as you have to pick your battles and zero issue with attendance otherwise.

Sports day is utter shit.

Even if you take them to the supermarket and they have a go at mental arithmetic they’ll still have a better day.

My mam used to let me have the day off and spend the day with my grandparents as long as I promised to do a few pages of maths and English books (simple sums and sentences) I loved her for it!

Different opinion but the kids who aren't good at Maths have to do it every day. Yes it's different but we can't always stay home on a day we might find difficult. My son on Yr 3 actually started worrying about his first Junior sports day the night before. The teacher said he could just do some of the fun events and not the running races but in the end he chose to do everything.

The problem is though, that with things like reading and maths, teachers make a big effort to try an minimise any possibility for public humiliation, and they're made as non competitive as possible (of course, children will often work out the 'good' or 'poor' groups).

You'd never have everyone stand up and read a book out loud to the whole school and their families, so you can see exactly which child still can't read Pat sat on the mat, and which is able to whizz through Shakespeare. But sports day revolves around finding out who is the fastest and slowest runner etc.

You're right. I just try and give the idea that losing a race doesn't matter, so it's not "public humiliation" because it really doesn't matter at all. I understand what you mean though.
Fortunately my childrens school is actually so mindful of this and they run non competitive events alongside, children can choose to compete or do more relaxed activities which is so good for children like mine who aren't fussed about winning races.

They choose the event they want to do at my daughter's school. Can you talk to the teacher to see what they suggest?

Now my DS is at secondary school he actually enjoys sports day because he and a few other "nerds" (his words) get to use the iPads and report on the day for the school website and newsletter. Much more fun than a load of running around and throwing things and they get to develop their IT skills too.

Speak to teacher like Minty, DDs school had a policy of “outside and active” which didn’t actually have to be the sports or races. Kids could help with timing, photos and organising teams etc, so they were part of the day with their friends and usually they were busy all day. Kids aren’t stupid, they know which kids don’t like sports but instead of being obviously missing, at DDs school they were just doing something different but part of the day.

This! My DC left primary school many years ago but they were never forced to take part in an activity they were uncomfortable with. They could choose what they wanted to do and if that choice was sitting around cheering on their friends then that was fine. I think some sporty people fail to understand how tough it is for us who are not as fortunate. My sister and I were last every year and I still remember how awful that felt.

This opinion is always trotted out on these threads and I always find it terribly surface-level and unconvincing.

The point of PE lessons is supposed to be to set children up to live healthy lives, of which regular exercise is a vital part.

But the way PE is taught in this country, particularly the humiliation ritual that is sports day, leads many ‘unsporty’ children to associate exercise with failure and public embarrassment, and as soon as they finish school and are no longer required to exercise, they don’t.

I was one of those kids. I have terrible hand-eye coordination so I performed poorly in school PE lessons focused on ball sports and I wasn’t a sprinter so always trailed in school running races. PE lessons made me feel rubbish about myself, so once nobody was forcing me to exercise, I didn’t.

I only started exercising again regularly in my mid-twenties - at which point I realised that exercise was absolutely something I could enjoy, when the activities I chose were tailored to what I needed. I love nothing more than a 50km solo bike ride - no audience, seeing new places, being able to stop whenever I need. I only wish school hadn’t so poisoned me against the concept of exercise so I could have discovered this sooner (and before I put on 20kg).

My grandfather used to offer me an ice cream if I won any competition I entered or was forced to enter. And a bigger ice cream if I lost.

Could you do something along those lines?

I'd just let them have the day off. Sports day is pointless anyway.

Exactly this. Dd struggles with reading (dyslexia) so the teacher never makes her read aloud to the glass and she has a laptop to help her with writing and other supports to level the playing field.

She's an epic runner but she doesn't need a patronising "day where she finally gets to do well at something" at the expense of other children being humiliated. She does athletics club for running.

She doesn't actually like sports day anyway as some of the parents behave appallingly,.shouting and yelling like they are watching gladiators fight or something. She deliberately ran slowly last year so she wouldn't be in the final.

I also don't like sports day as i'm disabled and can't stand for long but we are expected to stand and watch for hours and there's no seating available.

Yes, I am disabled now sadly but I loved sport -.once I started trying sports outside of school like rock climbing, lifeguard training for swimming and kayaking and jogging

I also discovered I was ok at sports I thought I couldn't do, but it was just that our PE teacher was so.focussed on the handful of "county level" players that she never even taught the rest of us the basics like how to hold a racket

I will always remember my first lacrosse lesson in Year 7 - having to try to catch a ball in a tiny net on the end of a long stick with absolutely no technical instructions about how to best use said stick.

It turned out the sporty kids had spent the summer at a school ‘Introduction to Lacrosse’ camp and picked up all the basics there - and clearly there was no point teaching the rest of us…

I hated sports day too it was the worst mum would let me have the day off 🙂 he won't miss any classes

My DC struggled with reading everyday. Still had to go to school though. He wasn't brilliant at sports either but still had to go to school. Your child will never learn to become resilient if you take them off every time they might be last in something. It's a lesson we all have to learn that we can't always win everything. It's just 1 day he may struggle.

Some kids will hate the trial of the classroom every day. Every sports day I've been to those coming in last have been loudly cheered on. I think taking them out is a bad precedent, taking part is what counts and we can't all be goid at everything, most if their class won't win.

I wish my mum would have let me stay home from sports carnivals. She wanted to prove some point about attendance so I was forced to go, even to a school trip to a water park where I sat reading a book the whole day.